The baby made her grand debut a full three weeks early in December and she's a healthy and happy little weirdo (seriously the quietest, most content kid ever) who turned a month old yesterday. It worked out well that she came when she did because I ended up spending almost all of December with my family back home and it provided so much clarity. (Also a plus is that people can't combine her Christmas and birthday presents for her entire life. I have a cousin and an uncle who were both born the week of Christmas and they always go so screwed on the both the celebration and the gifts.) Anyway, back to the clarity part. Shortly before my departure home there had been some big changes in my own life. The biggest of those was the end of my romantic relationship with the mother of my child. I didn't tell my family immediately what had happened because I didn't wanna take away from the new addition to the family. Because I was one of the only people who knew what was going on, I had a chance to really think everything through.
Just before I left for home is when our relationship ended. It didn't seem like an end at the time but by mid-Dec. I decided this had to be it for real. We're not in love and that's the bottom line. And we're both okay with this because I think we made peace with it long ago. She'll find someone else and, hopefully, I'll find someone else and we'll raise our daughter together and life will go on. One thing I am happy about is that I didn't sabotage this relationship at all. I tend to fall into relationship patterns that I've been in in the past that I know are not healthy. And it is a constant battle to stay out of them once I'm in a relationship. But I didn't do that this time. I can honestly say I gave it everything I had and I applied myself and you know what, it didn't work out. But that's how it was always meant to be, I'm convinced.
