Now that I am officially into this single fatherhood thing, I've realized I have a lot to do and think about than ever before. One of the things that is going to be a change is deciding what kind of co-parents we are going to be. The mother of my child is someone I have immense respect for and our relationship has evolved into an amazing friendship these past few months. Fortunately, we've always gotten along well so most major decisions are not going to be a big deal down the road. The only sticking point right now seems to be custody, which is NOT going to get ugly. Even if it had the potential to, I'd refuse to let it go down that way because our daughter is not an object to be fought over and because it is not about who "wins" when they receive slightly more custody than the other parent. Nobody wins in this situation; we're no longer together and she'll grow up with two families, but I don't see that as a bad thing. I was raised by a single parent and had no father in the picture and I'd like to think I turned out well. While I agree that it is fantastic if parents can stay together and be in love for the long haul and raise kids in a "traditional" household, I don't believe that our child is going to miss out on anything. And I think "staying together for the kids" is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Children are much smarter than they're given credit for and your unhappiness is something they will pick up on and carry the burden of.
One month since our girl turned two and I am shocked at how insane the schedules of toddlers are supposed to be these days. When I was two, I stayed home with my mother and got a head start on learning the basics and, you know, enjoyed my first few years of life. Apparently I was some sort of slacker at two because my daughter has a friend who has two different classes four times a week and then she goes home, naps, eats and then watches some kind of "head start" video until it's time to go to bed. Apparently it is no longer enough to just be a kid for your first few years. You have to learn your numbers and your letters and your colors and shapes BEFORE you get into pre-school or kindergarten. So...what is the purpose of those two grades nowadays?? My sister and I were denied entry into pre-school and kindergarten because the teachers said we were already doing things on a first grade level. But my mom wanted us to be in the same classes as our cousins to ease us into the whole school routine and, after a battle with the school, they let us in. My daughter is already pretty sharp and she hasn't had assistance from Baby Einstein or Your Baby Can Read or anything else. And, really, is that going to make a difference when she's grown? Is she gonna live her life in shame because she couldn't read at two? Is she gonna lose out on a job because they read on her application that she wasn't on a program prior to beginning her schooling? I think not. I am still totally in the honeymoon phase of this parenting gig but I'm not blind about what this new age is gonna entail. One of the reasons I was so on the fence about kids is because I don't believe this is the best world to bring them into. It is hard to be a kid these days. It's like no one really wants to let kids be kids, they have to go to school and carry a bunch of extracurriculars and be these perfect little robots so they can get into a good college and live successful lives. I don't want that for my kid. I want her to not have to seriously worry about school for another few years or so. I want her to spend her after school time running around and playing with her cousins. It's hard to actually put down everything that I want her for because it's an enormous undertaking to think about all the life she has ahead of her. And it's amazing how much has changed in me and how much hasn't. I'm still not sure how to process that.
I had a long conversation with my aunt the other night about everything that's gone down the past few years. I can honestly say that I was not ready to become a parent two years ago. I was better off than I had been in a long while but I was not living my life the way I should've. But new of her impending arrival brought a tremendous turnaround in me. I'm not completely sure why it took so long but I know I'm glad to be on the other side of it. I've been asked several times if I'm mad at the mother of my child (some people think she got pregnant on purpose). I'm not at all upset with her. I don't believe she'd ever lie to me, especially not about something like this. We had a genuine connection from the moment we met, like we were always meant to end up tied together somehow. Maybe that's why the baby news wasn't that hard for me to take; I half expected it. We're never gonna be together, that ship has sailed, but I'm always gonna love her and respect her and, best of all, share this amazing little person with her. Just like it was meant to be.
