Revelations

I'm walking out of my apartment this morning and I'm halfway down the street when a woman comes up and stops me. As soon as she introduced herself I was ready to walk away. It was one of my half-sisters. I have three, along with two half brothers, and I had never met any of them until today. I've said I never wanted to meet the other half, I had no need to, and neither does my sister. After my father died a few months ago my brother (mentioned in the previous post) set out to track down our half-siblings, which I told him I would rather he not do but he did it anyway. He tracked down a sister (not the one I met today) and they had coffee once or twice before he called it off and since then he's been stuck in the fog (see previous post). As I've said before, I understand his wanting or needing to know about that side of his family since he never got a chance to know his mother and now he'll never know his father either. That's rough.
We stood there on the sidewalk for a few minutes and I really didn't wanna be there but I figured I should at least hear her out since she came all this way. And then I couldn't help but ask a few questions. The first thing I asked was whether or not they knew he had three more kids (for a grand total of eight). She said they did know. I wanted to ask if he ever mentioned us by name and she said she doesn't ever remember him doing so. Then she added that about five years ago she was at his house looking for something and she came across a box in a drawer with newspaper clippings and a couple of pictures of the three of us. She never mentioned them to anyone, including him, before now but felt the need to say she thinks he kept them because he was proud of us and maybe not sure how, or even if, he should come into our lives. I'm not sure I believe that but whatever. She knew him, I didn't.
Then, she dropped a bit of a bombshell that I'm not sure I should pass on to my brother. My father didn't know my brother and me even existed until 1992. The three of us went to take this DNA test to confirm paternity (to this day, I have no clue what it was for since he never did pay any kind of child support). But, according to my visitor, he did receive notice that three children had been tested and all three belonged to him. So it would seem that my brother's mom never told his father she was pregnant. (I'm not surprised he didn't know about me since no one did until the day I was born). But since she's long since passed away, there's no way to know for sure. My mom might know but I don't know that I even want to get into all this.
You know how people hire other people to find their lost relatives and then they meet the relatives and feel immediate connection or something?? I didn't feel any of that. I don't feel any different than I did before I met her, which is not something I expected. Yeah, I was surprised by a lot of what she had to say, including the fact that both his widow and his mother (who is in failing health) want to meet us. But once she left I continued walking to work and by the time I got there I was pretty much set in my belief that meeting them would not help anything in my life. I have absolutely no emotional attachment to these people. Maybe my brother would be helped by getting to know them. Maybe. I don't know...maybe I should think on it some more, even though I'm 99% sure how I feel.
On the baby front things just got a lot more complicated. My sister-in-law and I spent two hours at the hospital yesterday and she was discharged with strict instructions to stay on bed rest until her December 28th due date. Yeah. So, I don't know how this is gonna work because even with all the people in our household there's no one to stay home and be on call in case she needs anything. But someone has to. I mean, do we hire a nanny or something to take care of her? Her brother works with me and I offered him paid time off (PAID!) to stay with her until we find something else and he turned me down. He said he would but then he'd have to kill her (she is awfully hormonal) and that would defeat the purpose. We'll figure it out somehow...

It's Been Awhile

I've been away from the whole blog thing for awhile now. Plenty to write about but not time to write about it. As of now the biggest thing in my life is my little brother and his...issues. Since our father died in June he's been a little off and I thought it was a phase or his form of the grieving process but now it appears it isn't. A little background, my brother is married to his childhood sweetheart and they have a 6-year-old son together and a daughter due in December. Their relationship was fantastic until their son was born and since then they've gone through various phases of time apart. It's more like taking a few days apart, not weeks or anything, and no, this is not weird for their son because both my brother and sister-in-law are athletes so they travel a lot anyway. In fact, I think one of the reasons they've stayed together so long is because they don't spend as much time together as most couples. Anyway, she's now six months pregnant (and already over being pregnant) and he's pretty much been absent for most of those six months. He was working for awhile and then got injured and, although he's pretty much fully physically healed, he's still not back playing because of whatever's going on in his head. He admits he's still struggling with our fathers death and I cut him some slack for awhile because I know he's (technically) an orphan now and I can't imagine the feeling. But this is just getting ridiculous now. All three of them live with me and have since about three months before my nephew was born. It was just easier for them to live in an environment with other people around to be there for the kids, especially when one or both of them travel for work. I don't mind, I adore my nephew (and already my niece and she's not even here yet) and it's actually worked out perfectly for everyone. My nephew is in second grade now and his mom takes him to school in the morning, my girlfriend takes him to hockey practice after that and I pick him up at the end of the day. I like the arrangement. The only problem is that my brother is missing all of this. He's never been the most attentive father (he never really expected to be a father) but at least before the whole death thing he was there for his son. Ironically, every time I bring up what's going on he says part of his problem is that he doesn't want to become his father. Sadly, it's looking more and more like that'll be the outcome because he's taking no interest in his kids. Doctors appointments, hockey games, school events; I'm at all of them (always have been) and every time I go to one I can't help but think about what a sad situation he's putting his family in. I know (he's told me) that he's somewhat resentful of the relationship I have with his son but, really, what does he expect?? I've always spent a ton of time with him and now I've essentially stepped into a full-time fatherhood roll with both of his kids. What really pisses me off is that he makes absolutely no attempt to get therapy or medication or whatever it is that he needs to get out of this hole he's dug.
There is another aspect to all this. If my brother continues his meltdown for the foreseeable future, my girlfriend and I would have new roles in the lives of his kids. And things between her and I are shaky (at best). And I think about my issues awhile back and I realize how difficult I was but I had nothing to lose. I didn't have a family or a girlfriend at the time. Now, I'm not even a father to his kids or a husband to his wife, and I can't imagine doing anything to hurt them or damage my relationships with them. I just wonder how he can keep avoiding the situation and continue to risk losing the loves of his life.
In the meantime, I'm doing all the things that a new father in training should be doing. Painting a nursery, brainstorming names and re-arranging my schedule for January so I can be around more to help out with the baby (Two girls under two just sounds so...fun). My nephew and I are likely to be the only boys in a house full of girls next year.