I've been away from the whole blog thing for awhile now. Plenty to write about but not time to write about it. As of now the biggest thing in my life is my little brother and his...issues. Since our father died in June he's been a little off and I thought it was a phase or his form of the grieving process but now it appears it isn't. A little background, my brother is married to his childhood sweetheart and they have a 6-year-old son together and a daughter due in December. Their relationship was fantastic until their son was born and since then they've gone through various phases of time apart. It's more like taking a few days apart, not weeks or anything, and no, this is not weird for their son because both my brother and sister-in-law are athletes so they travel a lot anyway. In fact, I think one of the reasons they've stayed together so long is because they don't spend as much time together as most couples. Anyway, she's now six months pregnant (and already over being pregnant) and he's pretty much been absent for most of those six months. He was working for awhile and then got injured and, although he's pretty much fully physically healed, he's still not back playing because of whatever's going on in his head. He admits he's still struggling with our fathers death and I cut him some slack for awhile because I know he's (technically) an orphan now and I can't imagine the feeling. But this is just getting ridiculous now. All three of them live with me and have since about three months before my nephew was born. It was just easier for them to live in an environment with other people around to be there for the kids, especially when one or both of them travel for work. I don't mind, I adore my nephew (and already my niece and she's not even here yet) and it's actually worked out perfectly for everyone. My nephew is in second grade now and his mom takes him to school in the morning, my girlfriend takes him to hockey practice after that and I pick him up at the end of the day. I like the arrangement. The only problem is that my brother is missing all of this. He's never been the most attentive father (he never really expected to be a father) but at least before the whole death thing he was there for his son. Ironically, every time I bring up what's going on he says part of his problem is that he doesn't want to become his father. Sadly, it's looking more and more like that'll be the outcome because he's taking no interest in his kids. Doctors appointments, hockey games, school events; I'm at all of them (always have been) and every time I go to one I can't help but think about what a sad situation he's putting his family in. I know (he's told me) that he's somewhat resentful of the relationship I have with his son but, really, what does he expect?? I've always spent a ton of time with him and now I've essentially stepped into a full-time fatherhood roll with both of his kids. What really pisses me off is that he makes absolutely no attempt to get therapy or medication or whatever it is that he needs to get out of this hole he's dug.
There is another aspect to all this. If my brother continues his meltdown for the foreseeable future, my girlfriend and I would have new roles in the lives of his kids. And things between her and I are shaky (at best). And I think about my issues awhile back and I realize how difficult I was but I had nothing to lose. I didn't have a family or a girlfriend at the time. Now, I'm not even a father to his kids or a husband to his wife, and I can't imagine doing anything to hurt them or damage my relationships with them. I just wonder how he can keep avoiding the situation and continue to risk losing the loves of his life.
In the meantime, I'm doing all the things that a new father in training should be doing. Painting a nursery, brainstorming names and re-arranging my schedule for January so I can be around more to help out with the baby (Two girls under two just sounds so...fun). My nephew and I are likely to be the only boys in a house full of girls next year.
