She's the One

I have had the same best friend since I was three months old. I'm incredibly spoiled actually since I was also born a twin. Both my sister and my best friend have been the ones I confide in about everything. My sister had her first child when she was 19 and has since had two more. I don't do change well and everyone was kind of on alert before the first baby was born to see how I would handle it. I coped remarkably well with that early, unexpected turn in our lives and fell in love with all of the kids. Now my best friend is engaged and expecting her first child in a matter of weeks. I was the first to know (after her) that she was pregnant and I think I kinda brushed it off. I put it in the back of my mind and left it there, doing my best to ignore that her belly was growing and eventually something was gonna come outta there. My sister and I are extremely close but my best friend has always been like another limb for me. We've been through a lot together already. She was the one who forced me to do my physical therapy after my accident. She's the one who inspects every single woman I date and tells me whether or not they meet her standards. She's been my crutch, at times, but she's also been the one to kick me back out into the world when I wanted nothing to do with it. She's been my rock. And now, she's on to another part of her life.
The two of us spent the day together recently, shopping and chatting. She knows I'm not coping well at all with what's about to happen and she knows that's not a good thing for me. The only way I can think to explain how I feel is this: I'm the first child who's jealous of the impending arrival of my sibling. I imagine this is what that feels like, but I can't be sure since I never had that experience as a kid. I've always know this day would come and we're lucky we got 28 years to be together and grow up. Now there are new experiences on the way. The newbie will be my Godchild so I'll have to learn to love it. Actually, I already do love it. It's just right in my face now that things are never gonna be the way they were. I just don't like change. But I'm learning to live with it because it's gonna keep happening. I'm pushing 30 now, so maybe that has something to do with all of my thinking and reminiscing. Whatever the reason, in a few weeks my life is gonna take a turn when I gain another kid to chase down. I'm starting to get excited about it. Or maybe I'm trying to convince myself.
On the subject of kids, I am absolutely IN LOVE with my newest niece. She's not even four months yet and she's so full of personality, so outgoing. I don't know if there's anybody I like spending time with more at the moment than her and my daughter. There's just some kind of connection between her and I. I don't believe in love at first sight, I never have, but I can honestly say the births of each of my nieces (one in 99, one last year) changed something in me. Nevermind how head over heels I fell the moment I saw my daughter. I'm surrounded by beautiful ladies at the moment and I'm the only man in the household. But I would not change it for the world.

I Am Not Good At This...

It has occurred to me that I have completely wasted this blogging thing lately. Usually, inspiration would strike and I would come on and post. But recently I've completely forgotten about it. Now I've decided to try and start posting with some regularity and see what happens. So let's get on to the business, shall we?

1) My daughter is gonna be TWO in a few days and I couldn't be happier. But I am still not thinking I'm gonna have more.

2) The baby continues to thrive under difficult family conditions. Her parents separated about a month ago and dad is now in the midst of the season so maybe the time apart will do some good. He's still yet to make (in my opinion) enough effort to be there for kids, leaving me to pick up the slack. That's been fun and exhausting but I wouldn't trade the experience.

3) I'm am being...I guess you'd say laid off from my job beginning next week. I'm sad because I love it but excited to see what's around the corner. We'll see how it goes.

4) Last November, the family of my deceased girlfriend filed a lawsuit against me in an effort to gain control of some of the things she left me in her will. Last week it finally came to an abrupt and completely unexpected conclusion that I've had time to think about and will, very soon, put down on...um..screen, I guess.

5) On a related note, April is never a good month for me because it marks the anniversary of her (see above) passing. Typically I cannot wait for this month to be over with, my birthday, my girl's birthday and all. But, so far, I've been surprisingly upbeat about what's coming. Not sure if that will continue but we shall see.