Y: No gratuitous nudity.
Me: What is this "gratuitous" you speak of?
Y: You know when we were at the restaurant and Crazy Aunt made you switch seats?
Me: Yeah.
Y: She did that so you'd be facing the staff's break room and giving the waitresses a show. That's gratuitous.
Me: LOL. I knew that seemed odd...
Y: lol That's why she wants you to move to Vegas. So she can pimp you out and live comfortably. And the fact that you didn't catch on until someone told you what had happened means you're just pretty enough to fall prey to get evil plan.
Me: LOL. "But why do I have to stand on this street corner? It's dark and my clothes are missing.". *sips juice box unsuspectingly*
Y: LOL. Yep.
Me: What is this "gratuitous" you speak of?
Y: You know when we were at the restaurant and Crazy Aunt made you switch seats?
Me: Yeah.
Y: She did that so you'd be facing the staff's break room and giving the waitresses a show. That's gratuitous.
Me: LOL. I knew that seemed odd...
Y: lol That's why she wants you to move to Vegas. So she can pimp you out and live comfortably. And the fact that you didn't catch on until someone told you what had happened means you're just pretty enough to fall prey to get evil plan.
Me: LOL. "But why do I have to stand on this street corner? It's dark and my clothes are missing.". *sips juice box unsuspectingly*
Y: LOL. Yep.
==========
5 minutes later...
Me: Are you trying to move me to Vegas so you can pimp me out and live off the money I bring in?
Crazy Aunt: Whaaaaat?
Me: Don't lie to me, woman! Y told me about the restaurant and why I had to move seats.
Crazy Aunt: Listen, mijo...it could be good money!
Me: Sorry, my chastity won't allow me to do it.
Crazy Aunt: Yeah, okay. I'll ask the 40 women you slept with about your chastity.
Me: 'Scuse you, I have not slept with 40 women.
Crazy Aunt: lol Okay. And I've never slept with one either. Since we're lying.
Me: lol first of all, thank you for that disturbing mental image. And second, I honestly have not slept with 40 women.
Crazy Aunt: Really? I would've if I were as handsome as you. Enjoy it, mijo!
Me: "I'm sure your one female lovah found you plenty handsome," he says to his great aunt, wondering how his day took such a horrific turn.
Crazy Aunt: LOL. This is what the holidays are about.
Me: lol Is that where you got 40 women? From Jesus' 40 days and nights in the desert?
Crazy Aunt: It may be. I did just read the church bulletin.
===========
3 minutes later...
Y: Why did I just get a text from Crazy Aunt that says, "Snitches get stitches"?
Me: Cuz I ratted you out...wait...
Y: lol Then you in danger too, gurl.
Me: lol I'm in danger in worse ways than that when you see the convos I've had today.
