Well, it actually happened - the "teenager" graduated from COLLEGE. And I'm equal parts proud and depressed. I still remember my own college graduation and it seems like it wasn't long ago, until I do the math and realize it was 12 years ago. Ouchie. But let's focus on the good news here - I successfully put a kid through college. And, oh yeah, she successfully made it through college and got a degree. I guess she should be proud too.
Twas nearly a decade ago when the teenager, then actually a teenager, was dropped on my doorstep. Her mother had passed away when she was young and she hadn't had an easy go of it with her father in the years that followed. When her father and my cousin got together in high school, her parents were less than thrilled that this dude their daughter loved had a daughter of his own at such a young age. But it all kinda worked. He and his youngin became family, to the point where my aunt and uncle eventually adopted his younger brothers (one of these being the gay cousin, I swear I'm gonna do a chart here someday to show who's who in my family #Mexicans). My cousin was a stabilizing influence on the teenager, but once her dad and the cousin split, he spent more and more time away from the family, isolating the two of them. And he had trouble relating to his daughter, in a more severe way than most dads probably do. By the time she was 15, things hit a fever pitch and she regularly began running to me for help. Being on the fringes of the Dark Ages, all I could do was let her chill out for awhile and tell her things had to get better eventually. When they didn't, she came my way and begged to live with me. I thought, "Oh, hell no" initially, but when I realized how bad things were for her at home I had to seriously consider taking her in. G turned out to be the one to make the decision for me. I poured out my feelings to her and asked what I should do and all she said was, "There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're mean to be. It's easy.". Mind you, G already had nieces and nephews who were teenagers so her experience with such things far outweighed mine. But knowing she'd be there to help me navigate it all helped me decide that the teenager and I could probably make it to 18 without one of us dying. Couldn't be that difficult, right?
I didn't know it then, but taking in the teenager would turn out to be a lifelong commitment. I came to view her in the same light I view Miss N - she's one of my kids. Neither of us knew where we'd end up, we both assumed the arrangement would last a few years and that would be that. Anytime you have a kid, you're venturing into the unknown but it's a whole new ballgame when you inherit a teenager. At that time, she was just trying to make it to legal adulthood so she could do her own thing, had no eye for the future, no plans for what to do once she reached adulthood. And now she's a college graduate. That's pretty nifty. Even better than all that is she's grown up to be an amazing young woman (I feel too young to be using that term) who is smart, funny, empathetic and talented. We never could've imagined the journey would bring us to where we are now. I'm proud of her. And as G (who came to the festivities since it's all her fault anyway) pointed out, I should be proud of me for not mucking the whole thing up. I was a mess of a manwhore when the teenager and I got thrown together and it very easily could've turned out to be the worst situation ever. But we made it work. And now she can support me in my old age. Or probably not since college degrees don't get you much these days. But that's a battle for another time. Right now we bask in the awesomeness of having made it this far. Congrats, kid!
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Monday, May 16, 2016
Dammn, Baby
If you read here, you know I love me some Janet, though I'm not as cray cray about her as I once was. I'm still a big fan, but I had trouble supporting the crap music her troll of an ex-boyfriend threw at us for years. That said, her latest album is fantastic and I was hopeful her tour would follow suit. Her last few tours were...lacking, to say the least. She didn't even take a full band with her, settling on pre-recorded music for one tour and a three piece band and DJ for another. I didn't go to either because I refuse to pay for glorified karaoke, no matter who is singing it, but thought about attending this year's tour. And then I found out she was still carrying only a three piece band and only doing a handful of songs off her new album, and not even the best songs. I opted not to take a friend up on an offer for tickets and it's a good thing I did because the tour was postponed indefinitely once news broke that JJ is expecting - at 50 years of age. Normally, I'm not one to judge others on life decisions because it's not like I make the best life decisions my damn self. However, I have to say I don't quite understand a few things about her current situation, such as the timing.
Much of Janet's 2016 had already been spent postponing tour dates, supposedly because of vocal issues. And then came the big announcement a few months back that she urgently needed some kinda medical care and would have to put the whole thing on hold for an undetermined amount of time. People worried about her health, especially with the previous health woes early in the year, but she said it wasn't that serious and the story died down. Weeks before her 50th birthday, it was announced that she's with child and, oops, there goes the remainder of the 2016 tour dates. Supposedly, 2017 will be when the tour resumes but let's be real - it's highly unlikely a new mother, and one of her age, will be heading out on tour. This isn't a 20-year-old pop starlet who's gonna snap back into fighting shape within a few months. What I don't get is why she and her husband planned this (presumably) IVF business during a damn tour. It's not like the tour just came up outta nowhere and it's also not like she just happened to get knocked up the old-fashioned way, which is kinda what it seems like she wants us to believe. The second postponement screams something along the lines of needing to take a break because the IVF may actually be working. It's nearly impossible to have an, "Oops" baby at 50. And though it does happen, one would have to have some kinda luck to be; A Jackson, an international pop legend, have a husband a few decades their junior, AND get naturally knocked up by the husband at an advanced age all in one lifetime. Clearly, they were trying for a kid so why even plan a tour? Even if you thought a baby was a long shot, the cost of scrapping the whole thing (and the fan outrage over the ticket fiasco) has to be more costly than just never scheduling it in the first place. And it's not like she needed the money, she's and millionaire married to a billionaire. I don't get that line of thinking at all. Just release your album, give thanks that it was well-received and retreat to the desert to have a kid.
The other thing I don't understand is any the hell anyone has kids after a certain age. I'm 35 and I question whether it's responsible for me to procreate within the next five years, and I certainly won't reproduce after 40. Men believe we have all the time in the world to have kids, and many do so well into their 50's and even 60's, but just because you can doesn't mean you should. What isn't as prominent in news stories about autism as vaccination is the link between older fathers and autism. Granted, that isn't an issue in Janet's situation since her husband is fairly young, but it's something I doubt many older potential fathers think about. The main thing in this case is the age of the mother. Kids are exhausting. Egg-zaust-ing. At every age, nearly everyday. Keeping up with an 8-year-old at my age is a challenge, I can't imagine doing so while pushing 60. Not to mention the generational gap. I remember one or two friends in my school days having older parents who were mistaken as grandparents, and I don't remember either of them boasting about the experience. I don't think it's fair to the kid to have them so late in life. Ideally, we get to grow old with our parents before we have to say goodbye to them, but kids with much older parents don't even get that option. They're cheated right off the bat. I will be 45 when Miss N graduates high school and nearly 50 when she graduates college. If she gets married in her twenties (which she won't since she's my kid) or her thirties, there's a decent chance I'll be around to see it. But if I have a kid next year, the chances I'd be there for its wedding go down dramatically. I'd have to make it til 70 to see that one walk down an aisle. And with my health history and the potential problems that may already lie ahead, that's pretty iffy. My child would be cheated out of the chance of my being at their wedding because I made the selfish choice to have them so late in life. And here's where the other side says, "Well, not everyone finds the right person early in life", and I can sympathize with that. But maybe it's not your path to have a kid if that's the case. Miss N wasn't planned and had she not happened, I'd be single and childless right now. Maybe I'd be okay with that, maybe I wouldn't, but my stance on not procreating after a certain age would still be the same. And the risk of complications of a woman carrying a child at that age are huge, for both mother and baby. The baby could have birth defects or a disease and the mother could have any number of health problems that may follow her the rest of her life, potentially shortening that life and taking those years with mom away from the child. Obviously, I hope all goes well with the latest Jackson and everyone emerges healthy. To each their own on how they live their life and all that.
Much of Janet's 2016 had already been spent postponing tour dates, supposedly because of vocal issues. And then came the big announcement a few months back that she urgently needed some kinda medical care and would have to put the whole thing on hold for an undetermined amount of time. People worried about her health, especially with the previous health woes early in the year, but she said it wasn't that serious and the story died down. Weeks before her 50th birthday, it was announced that she's with child and, oops, there goes the remainder of the 2016 tour dates. Supposedly, 2017 will be when the tour resumes but let's be real - it's highly unlikely a new mother, and one of her age, will be heading out on tour. This isn't a 20-year-old pop starlet who's gonna snap back into fighting shape within a few months. What I don't get is why she and her husband planned this (presumably) IVF business during a damn tour. It's not like the tour just came up outta nowhere and it's also not like she just happened to get knocked up the old-fashioned way, which is kinda what it seems like she wants us to believe. The second postponement screams something along the lines of needing to take a break because the IVF may actually be working. It's nearly impossible to have an, "Oops" baby at 50. And though it does happen, one would have to have some kinda luck to be; A Jackson, an international pop legend, have a husband a few decades their junior, AND get naturally knocked up by the husband at an advanced age all in one lifetime. Clearly, they were trying for a kid so why even plan a tour? Even if you thought a baby was a long shot, the cost of scrapping the whole thing (and the fan outrage over the ticket fiasco) has to be more costly than just never scheduling it in the first place. And it's not like she needed the money, she's and millionaire married to a billionaire. I don't get that line of thinking at all. Just release your album, give thanks that it was well-received and retreat to the desert to have a kid.
The other thing I don't understand is any the hell anyone has kids after a certain age. I'm 35 and I question whether it's responsible for me to procreate within the next five years, and I certainly won't reproduce after 40. Men believe we have all the time in the world to have kids, and many do so well into their 50's and even 60's, but just because you can doesn't mean you should. What isn't as prominent in news stories about autism as vaccination is the link between older fathers and autism. Granted, that isn't an issue in Janet's situation since her husband is fairly young, but it's something I doubt many older potential fathers think about. The main thing in this case is the age of the mother. Kids are exhausting. Egg-zaust-ing. At every age, nearly everyday. Keeping up with an 8-year-old at my age is a challenge, I can't imagine doing so while pushing 60. Not to mention the generational gap. I remember one or two friends in my school days having older parents who were mistaken as grandparents, and I don't remember either of them boasting about the experience. I don't think it's fair to the kid to have them so late in life. Ideally, we get to grow old with our parents before we have to say goodbye to them, but kids with much older parents don't even get that option. They're cheated right off the bat. I will be 45 when Miss N graduates high school and nearly 50 when she graduates college. If she gets married in her twenties (which she won't since she's my kid) or her thirties, there's a decent chance I'll be around to see it. But if I have a kid next year, the chances I'd be there for its wedding go down dramatically. I'd have to make it til 70 to see that one walk down an aisle. And with my health history and the potential problems that may already lie ahead, that's pretty iffy. My child would be cheated out of the chance of my being at their wedding because I made the selfish choice to have them so late in life. And here's where the other side says, "Well, not everyone finds the right person early in life", and I can sympathize with that. But maybe it's not your path to have a kid if that's the case. Miss N wasn't planned and had she not happened, I'd be single and childless right now. Maybe I'd be okay with that, maybe I wouldn't, but my stance on not procreating after a certain age would still be the same. And the risk of complications of a woman carrying a child at that age are huge, for both mother and baby. The baby could have birth defects or a disease and the mother could have any number of health problems that may follow her the rest of her life, potentially shortening that life and taking those years with mom away from the child. Obviously, I hope all goes well with the latest Jackson and everyone emerges healthy. To each their own on how they live their life and all that.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Me, I'm The One You Chose, Out Of All The People, You Wanted Me The Most
My cousin is getting married next month to someone our family just freakin' adores. AK is a mess, but she's fun and hilarious and has done wonders my cousin A's confidence. His ex put him through the ringer after they broke up, so it's been awesome to see him move on and find the kind of happiness he has now. The two of them are crazy about each other and neither can believe they get to marry the other one. I had a convo with a friend last night about the impending nuptials and she made a comment about how nice it must be "to have someone choose you". I've been sitting with that thought for awhile now and she's right, it is nice when that happens. It happened to me once, but I was too young to appreciate it. The first love and I were back and forth and on and off many, many times. Youth and inexperience kept both of us from truly appreciating what we had. But in college, she was the first to fully grasp how special we could be together and when we got back together for what would turn out to be the last time, we had a long talk about our past mistakes. I asked her what made it this go round any different from all the other ones, why I should trust that we weren't going to fail again, and she said I should trust it because she'd learned from all the past ish and she was choosing me and would continue to choose me for the rest of her life. And she did. And though our time together was cut very short, I never did doubt she was serious about her commitment of putting us before all else. I don't think I really understood how rare that is, or how lucky I was to have experienced it, until this conversation yesterday.
To know someone would absolutely choose you over all else, and not think twice about it, is a beautiful thing. It's also rare in that not everyone gets to experience that, and not everyone is genuine when they say they would choose you over all else. The way the cousin and AK feel about each other has evolved over the last few years. They were introduced by a mutual friend and it was kind of a slow burn because AK thought A wanted to fast track marriage and kids (he didn't) and A thought AK may not have been too keen on adulthood (I mean, who is, really? But while she talks a good game about being immature, she actually has her crap together...well, kinda). Then, they had an ugly-ish break-up in 2014 that resulted in them not even speaking for a few months (AK says the catalyst to end the silence was hearing Toni Braxton's "Another Sad Love Song" multiple times within a one week span). Even when they got back together it was touch and go because A had dated someone else during the time apart and it didn't sit well with AK. But they found a rhythm last year and you could tell they were low-key crazy about one another. Late last year, a number of our friends walked down the aisle (traitors!) and it sparked a convo between them about marriage and the future and all that and, somehow in the chaos, A decided to propose. They ditched being low-key crazy and became all out crazy about each other, not caring who knew it. It's sweet, actually. I look forward to the wedding and I hope someday I get to experience the same thing (sans wedding, of course) of someone choosing me and me choosing them and all feeling right with the world. That'd be nifty.
To know someone would absolutely choose you over all else, and not think twice about it, is a beautiful thing. It's also rare in that not everyone gets to experience that, and not everyone is genuine when they say they would choose you over all else. The way the cousin and AK feel about each other has evolved over the last few years. They were introduced by a mutual friend and it was kind of a slow burn because AK thought A wanted to fast track marriage and kids (he didn't) and A thought AK may not have been too keen on adulthood (I mean, who is, really? But while she talks a good game about being immature, she actually has her crap together...well, kinda). Then, they had an ugly-ish break-up in 2014 that resulted in them not even speaking for a few months (AK says the catalyst to end the silence was hearing Toni Braxton's "Another Sad Love Song" multiple times within a one week span). Even when they got back together it was touch and go because A had dated someone else during the time apart and it didn't sit well with AK. But they found a rhythm last year and you could tell they were low-key crazy about one another. Late last year, a number of our friends walked down the aisle (traitors!) and it sparked a convo between them about marriage and the future and all that and, somehow in the chaos, A decided to propose. They ditched being low-key crazy and became all out crazy about each other, not caring who knew it. It's sweet, actually. I look forward to the wedding and I hope someday I get to experience the same thing (sans wedding, of course) of someone choosing me and me choosing them and all feeling right with the world. That'd be nifty.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
There Has Been An Awakening
It was 84 years ago (okay, more like ten) when Miss R and I first played "Lego Star Wars" on the Wii. The game was awesome, taking us through all 6 episodes of the "Star Wars" series, but we grew uninterested with it when certain parts of the game seemed too difficult. We put it down, only to pick it back up a few years ago on the Xbox 360, starting from scratch and getting about halfway through the game. Last week we finally did what was once the impossible - we got to 100% completion of the game. And it wasn't easy. And I didn't wanna do it, but once we got to about 80%, the kid exploited how much I adore her to get me to things I hated in order to finish the game. And apparently being a pushover for the little ladies is the way to the hearts of the older womensz:
Her: You're a good uncle
Me: Why? Because I let a teenage girl bully me? lol
Her: Yes. It's kinda sexy.
Me: Well stick around for eight more years when Miss N, Miss M and Miss L are all teenagers at the same time. I'ma be all kindsa sexy then.
Her: lol It's a deal.
Me: Why? Because I let a teenage girl bully me? lol
Her: Yes. It's kinda sexy.
Me: Well stick around for eight more years when Miss N, Miss M and Miss L are all teenagers at the same time. I'ma be all kindsa sexy then.
Her: lol It's a deal.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Stupidity, Can You Handle It?
I decided to take a trip out to Nashville to meet the new little one of a friend (Okay, she bought the ticket, and hockey tickets and I didn't agree to go until she threw in the hockey tickets). Who knew getting off the plane would be such an empowering experience?
Me: *Throws open plane door* Nashville, can you handle this?
Me: *Turns around and sticks it out* Tennessee, can you handle this?
Me: *Drops it like it be hot* It's Giuseppe, can you handle this?
Me: I don't think ya'll can handle it!
Her: LMAO. That explains the collective, "Woooo!" I heard while I was parking.
Me: LOL. Yes. I bring the party wherever I go. Now come pick me up so I can bring the party to yo hood.
Her: #IDontThinkWeCanHandleIt
Me: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Her: None of my friends will ever be able to top the entrance you just made.
Me: *drops the mic as he's trying to get up from dropping it like it's hot*
Her: lol Why did I even invite you again?
Me: lol Because I'm here to meet Gene!
Her: Jake. My son's name is Jake.
Me: And I'm here to meet Jake, too.
Her: LOL *Stops at Delta counter to buy you a ticket right back*
Me: lol I think it's me who can't handle it
Her: WOOOOOO!
Me: LOL. Well done.
Me: *Throws open plane door* Nashville, can you handle this?
Me: *Turns around and sticks it out* Tennessee, can you handle this?
Me: *Drops it like it be hot* It's Giuseppe, can you handle this?
Me: I don't think ya'll can handle it!
Her: LMAO. That explains the collective, "Woooo!" I heard while I was parking.
Me: LOL. Yes. I bring the party wherever I go. Now come pick me up so I can bring the party to yo hood.
Her: #IDontThinkWeCanHandleIt
Me: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Her: None of my friends will ever be able to top the entrance you just made.
Me: *drops the mic as he's trying to get up from dropping it like it's hot*
Her: lol Why did I even invite you again?
Me: lol Because I'm here to meet Gene!
Her: Jake. My son's name is Jake.
Me: And I'm here to meet Jake, too.
Her: LOL *Stops at Delta counter to buy you a ticket right back*
Me: lol I think it's me who can't handle it
Her: WOOOOOO!
Me: LOL. Well done.
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