Me: I'll plagiarize all your speeches for you.
Her: lol Thank you.
Me: Be quoting Ice Cube and ish.
Me: Press: How was your trip to China? You: Well Diane, while I was there I didn't even have to use my AK. So I have to say it was a good day.
Her: LOL. Start my inaugural acceptance speech with, "Now lemme welcome eerbaddy to the wile wile west, a state dats untouchable like Elliott Ness".
Me: LOL. "I promise to give you the best for your Jimmy in the city of sex".
Me: You could have campaign posters that show your face looking off in the distance in presidential ponderment. With one liners like, "Make this a bomb ass state where the bad ass hemp be," or, "Make this a state where you never find a dance floor empty".
Her: lol Yes! #EverSinceHoneysWasWearinSassoons
Me: No, no. You run on a platform of you've been defeating ISIS since honeys was wearin' Sassoons.
Her: Brilliant.
==========
Her: A spider got into my car. Made webs and shit. Had no idea where it was and starved to death on my floor mat. Male black widow.
Me: lol Yeah, when you said starved to death I assumed it was a man. A female spider would've been more resourceful.
Her: Nice save. You know damn well that was a dig at my lack of cooking skills!
Me: Twas not. Twas a dig at my gender. Way to read between the lines, Melania.
Her: lol I thought it was, and I narrowed my eyes so hard.
Me: lol This is why ya'll didn't win president. Be taking offense to ish that even about you.
Me: And it's STILL the man's fault.
Her: LOL
