Thursday, June 16, 2016

Just Can't Feel Casual About Casualties

Another day, another mass shooting, this time the deadliest in American history with a gay club the target. We've now had mass shootings in colleges, high schools, middle schools, grade schools, churches, workplaces, movie theaters, malls and now a nightclub, each one with a higher death toll than the last. Remember when Columbine was the deadliest mass shooting in history? Remember when Virgina Tech took over the title of deadliest shooting? Remember the uproar about changing gun laws and improving mental health programs in the aftermath of Newtown? I think the problem is that no one remembers any of those things for long. The reporting on Columbine was more extensive than the coverage of the Orlando shooting will be, in part because no one could fathom such a thing happening. We didn't know it at the time, but Columbine was ushering in a new era of gun violence. And while the US is not the only country to have mass shootings, we do hold the distinction of having an absurd amount of them. This country is supposedly the greatest nation in the world - but it is also the most violent. And we win that race by a landslide. Which is why there will be less coverage of Orlando. We've become so desensitized to these kinds of things that the latest shooting takes over the headlines for a few days or a week, and then the next big news story happens and we move on. We no longer react to mass shootings with shock, instead we ask where this one is and wait to hear what the death toll will be. The media tries to dissect the motivations behind each attack, but they always seem to mirror each other in more ways than not. There's usually some kind of mental illness or self-hate, a stockpiling of weapons, missed warning signs and the death of the shooter that prevents any real motivations from being discovered. Rinse and repeat. And it's getting ridiculous now. Actually, it's been ridiculous for a long time but once the story fades from the news, the cries for change subside. And we wait for the next shooting. People talk about change but actually changing things never seems to happen. And that's why all we do is wait for the next shooting.
Though ISIS has taken responsibility for the Orlando shooting, I suspected there was more behid it than just a simple terrorist attack. Nearly every mass shooter attacks somewhere familiar, and if a ruthless group of terrorists were behind a plot like that, they wouldn't care if the people they were killing were gay or straight. We've seen how ISIS operates, the mission is to kill as many people as possible, period. The Orlando massacre had a different ring to it and now it's being reported that the shooter may have been gay and definitely frequented the nightclub. This was a hate crime where a specific group of people were targeted, not a college kid randomly shooting at classmates. We don't yet know the Orlando shooter's motive, and we probably never will truly know it, but the news that his wife knew of his plan and did nothing to stop it is sickening. Missed warning signs are why these things keep happening, but rarely does a shooter flat out declare what his plan is, down to where he will attack and what guns he will use. This woman went with her husband and their child to scout out possible locations for the shooting, including Disney World. She went with her husband to buy ammunition for the guns he would use in the attack. As far as I'm concerned, she is responsible for the deaths of all 49 people at that club, and the law would agree. All she had to do was call 911 or walk into any police station to report her husband's plans and if she had, Sunday morning would've been like any other club outing for those unfortunate souls. I hope the wife is charged and never sees the outside of a prison for the rest of her life. But she isn't the only one to blame for what happened. How was someone on the terror watch list, who was twice brought in for questioning by the Feds, even allowed to purchase guns without a red flag going up somewhere? How is it that you can be on such a list, yet your name doesn't come up in some government database when you purchase an automatic weapon? Maybe the powers that be should spend less time monitoring the boring shit that goes on in our day to day lives and pay more attention to who's buying assault weapons.
Every time a mass shooting happens, half the country says guns kill people and the other half says people kill people. But that debate is also a part of the problem. Guns don't walk out of the store and randomly shoot people by themselves, but the fact that they are so easy to access and makes them the weapon of choice. We never hear about a mass knifing and rarely hear of a mass poisoning. Guns, particularly automatic guns, provide an easy, impersonal way of taking out as many people as possible, as quickly as possible. The Aurora theater shooting took 7 minutes and Columbine was over in less than hour, yet the death tolls in both were double digits. Obviously guns make mass shootings possible, but someone has to choose to plan and carry out that shooting. People use guns to kill other people, and the former set of people have taken a particular shine to automatic weapons that make their attacks that much more deadly. If the only guns available to a mass shooter were handguns or shotguns, they would have to alter their plan of attack dramatically since they couldn't just go in guns blazing and fire dozens of shots a second. The death tolls in these shootings would be far less, and I'd bet the number of mass shootings would decline, as has been the case in countries where guns have been more strictly regulated than they are in the US. The answer isn't to eliminate guns from society altogether, for every mass murderer who uses them to kill, there are many other people who own guns and never commit a murder. Post-9/11 the world changed dramatically overnight and part of those changes were no longer being able to take large quantities of liquids or box cutters on flights. ONE attack prompted those changes. So why is it that after multiple shootings, one in an elementary school, the automatic weapon of choice for mass shooters is still so readily available? Is it because no single shooting has killed 3,000 people? You'd think the deaths of 23 &check& children would cause some sort of change to happen. But nothing changed after Newtown. Not one damn thing. And as long as we continue to do nothing, the shootings will continue to happen. I side eye the hell out of people who don't want a ban on automatic weapons. There is absolutely no reason for a private citizen to need one and because we've seen the carnage they are capable of, I cannot fathom why people don't comprehend the root of the problem. Hiding behind the second ammendment is whatever, you can have your other guns, but fighting against a ban on automatic weapons purely for the sake of it is what keeps enabling killers to do what they do. Fuck the, "our forefathers wanted us to have guns" bullshit, they sure as hell didn't want us committing these kinds of atrocities with them. Along with that ban on automatic weapons shoud be a longer waiting period when buying any gun because, again, we've seen what happens when people buy on impulse; they shoot themselves in a depression, they shoot someone else out of rage, people do all kinds of stupid shit with guns. Will a longer waiting period stop all crimes of passion? Of course not. But it will have an impact. Will a ban on automatic weapons go a long way in preventing the next mass shooting? Absolutely.
If theaters, malls, schools and nightclubs are no longer safe, then worse atrocities in other public places are surely on the horizon. In the aftermath of 9/11, the airline industry took a major hit since people were afraid to fly, even afraid to go into airports. We didn't see it coming the first time, how could we know if something else was in the works? Terror attacks are meant to strike fear and cause panic, the terrorists want you afraid to go places and always looking over your shoulder. It's a two-headed monster that kills a large amount of people and traumatizes those who weren't even where the attack took place. That fear after 9/11 lingered for years, I remember discussing with my girlfriend how scared we were just to go to sleep that night, and we weren't even near NYC. I no longer go to clubs, but I can't say I'd be concerned about me or a loved one going to one after this shooting. The same way I don't think twice about going to a mall or a movie theater. Why is that? Yes, 9/11 killed far more people than any single mass shooting has so far, but a terror attack is a terror attack. Just because some unhinged kid in Connecticut commits mass murder, doesn't mean a kid somewhere else in the country won't do the same thing. It's like when someone is killed in a small town and people say, "Stuff like that doesn't happen around here," even though it just did. These shootings can happen literally anywhere; any city, any state, any public place. But we've become so numb to it, and to violence in general, that we simply mourn the dead and go on with our lives. Each shooting is a footnote in history, partially because there are so damn many of them. The same experts and analysts will be on the same news networks talking about what needs to happen in order to prevent another Orlando from happening, much like when they were talking about preventing another Newtown or Virginia Tech. Take away the guns, encourage people to report the warning signs, expand the reach of programs for the mentally ill. But none of it ever comes to fruition. How many more people, how many more kids, have to die before shit finally changes?
This latest shooting is the first one Miss N has asked questions about. She's at an age where she's comprehending the world around her in a much bigger way and asking questions about what she doesn't yet understand. Anyone who thinks guns aren't a huge part of the problem should try explaining a mass shooting to their 8-year-old. If you can do that and still come out of it believing that regulating guns would provide no benefit, then gold star for you. This kinda thing wasn't happening when I was a kid. My mom had to explain many things to us, but never why someone stormed into a public place and slaughtered dozens of people. She never had to reassure us that a trip to the movies was safe. And as much as we reassure our kids and, to some extent ourselves, that public places are safe, the reality is the next shooting could be in our own city, in a store or mall we frequent, in a school our children attend. And unfortunately, it doesn't look as if any steps will be taken to prevent the next tragedy from happening. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

It's Too Late To Say You're Sorry, How Would I Know, Why Should I Care?

Mentioning BP at all on the blog is like saying, "Bloody Mary" three times in front of a damn mirror - it causes her to reappear, ya'll. We hadn't spoken for quite some time and the last time we spoke had ended so badly that I'd blocked her number and her emails to prevent any further contact. Unfortunately, my phone company only allows a three month block on numbers before they expire. You can renew them again and again, but I forgot and thus BP was able to sneak on through. She did her typical routine of testing the waters, sending just, "Hi" and waiting for a response. Days later I answered by asking what she wanted and she launched into a multi-text rant about how much she misses me and "would do whatever" to get me back. When I was less than impressed with all of that, she said she didn't know how to get rid of her feelings for me and tried to play up how lonely she is traveling the world for work and having nothing to come home to. I said I was sure she'd find a way to get rid of her feelings and suggested she find a hobby if her life was lacking excitement, to which she replied, "You've gotten cold". I didn't take kindly to that and said as much, and she decided to switch gears and say she knew we weren't all the way finished and she just wanted to be with me and didn't understand why we couldn't just exchange texts while she was gone and then go out when she got home. And I was flabbergasted. For a good year, probably longer than that, I hung on to shit and played by her rules and she'd given me nothing but apathy. I was quite clear when it ended that it was done for good and I wasn't going to double back and recycle her. And here she was asking for yet another chance and failing to comprehend that another chance was not an option. I told her I was done, I couldn't do this ish and wouldn't allow myself to fall back into the cycle, and she asked if I wanted her to leave me alone. Before I could answer, I got a message that said she intended to text me everyday whether I wanted her to or not. I said I never should've responded to her and got back, "I'm in Germany sitting at a penny slot", like we were having some casual conversation. I asked if she was okay because I was genuinely concerned something mental was going on, the way she was jumping from accepting the end to trying to avoid it altogether was odd. She said she was having a "big issue", and that it was her work life sucking and having to travel constantly for it and feeling alone. I told her I got all of that being a pain, but that I couldn't help her with any of it since we're over and we're not friends. We exchanged a few more messages (including a handful of her trying to give me the third degree about my personal life), before she dropped off and I didn't hear from her for about a week. But I knew I would eventually. And I was right.
Yesterday she texted me again, talking about how her upcoming week was going to be hell and insinuating she wanted me to get her through it. I'd previously told her not to text me anymore, so she shifted gears and asked if I'd be on WhatsApp if she wanted to get a hold of me and I said she wouldn't need to. I was about to get on a plane so I asked if she had any last words and what does she say? "I love you". My initial reaction was *gag*. I could almost feel the desperation coming from her end of the line, and I wondered why she was even bothering to try and keep me in the fold. Many, many, MANY times we'd "ended" things, only to pick back up with her promising to be better at communication and then promptly spit me back out whenever it suited her. I have neither the interest, nor the patience for that dance anymore. I said I didn't buy it and didn't wanna hear it, but she continued, "Yes, I still do. Have a safe flight, love. I'm gonna keep saying it.". Had I not been just about to take off, I would've told her the only reason she's going to keep saying it is to convince her damn self that it's true, but I didn't get the chance. She repeated it yet again and I had to ask why she doing this shit, to which she replied, "Because sometimes love covers all...And I'm not leaving you.". I wanted to say, "No, you're not leaving me. I'm leaving you and this BS behind," but I refrained. I said "love", and especially faux love, wasn't covering anything this time and told her to take care. She asked if we could talk later in the week and I said no and requested she say goodbye. To my surprise, she complied - but then came, "Have a good trip. I love you.". That, I didn't reply to.
The thing that I always marveled at with BP was how she thought her charm would carry her back into my good graces, no matter how badly she'd fucked up, or how mean she'd been. But she wasn't even that charming, and I don't break that easily. I don't know what prompted this latest contact, but I have a feeling it has to do with her being alone overseas, annoyed at the state of her life and thinking I'm somehow the answer to her woes. What's sad about that is she's in the exact same spot she was in when we were a thing; still always on the verge of getting fired, still traveling too much for work, still unhappy with her life in general. I'm a very caring person by nature, which is why it was so difficult for me to fully let go in the first place, and I was saddened to hear how unhappy she is. In the past, she'd resurface, we'd argue for a day, then agree to put a Band-Aid on shit and the cycle would repeat again, and it would stall any progress I'd been making in trying to move on from her. But this occasion was very different. I found myself almost instantly annoyed when I saw her number come up, and I kept that wall of annoyance up the entire time we spoke. Everything is so dramatic with her, everything is feast or famine and I remembered how exhausting it was to live with that kind of thinking. I know she was grasping at straws with the, "I love you" stuff, but I just couldn't buy in. I don't honestly know if she took me seriously last night when I said goodbye, survey says probably not, so I blocked her number again just in case. And I emailed her this morning, one line saying we need to not speak again. I've no idea when she'll actually get that message since her wifi access is spotty, but I would not be surprised if she attempts to WhatsApp me in the coming days (apparently I can't block her on there). But I gotta ignore anything else she sends down the line. There's no point in responding to it, she just latches on to that small bit of contact and tries to forget we're not a thing anymore. I hope she does find a way out of the rut she's in though. I don't like her, I hate who I became during our entanglement, but I don't wish badly on anyone.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Soul Food

It all started out so innocently...

Me: Buy me some food. And also, pay for my food.
G: You putting out?

Me: No.
G: Then buy your own food.

Me: Great! I accept your offer to buy me food.
G: A gentleman always pays!

Me: That's when we were dating and neither of us had kids.
G: Kids eat free! And you will too if you do me a favor.

Me: Anything!
G: Watch Mr. M for me on Thursday.
Me: Oh. Then no.
G: LOL. So you want to eat free only as long as it doesn't inconvenience you at all.
Me: Pretty much lol
G: lol Ass.

And then...

G: What happened to the high school friend? I thought ya'll were still talking?
Me: Nah. Never spoke again after I left. Vibe wasn't right anyway though. It's funny; when I was young and stupid, chicks wanted to marry me. Now that I'm old and wise, the well has run dry.
G: I never wanted to marry you.
Me: Thank you for the reminder.
G: And you're not old and wise. But I get what you mean. I need to work on my own stuff before I get into something again, but you're ready for something serious.
Me: Yeah...
G: But you need to summon a little of that bastard thing you had going back in the day and set higher standards. You need someone who calls you on your crap and makes you WANT to put in the effort everyday. And somebody who you gel with on more than one or two levels. I'm looking for men, not boys. You need to start looking for women, not girls.
Me: You know what? I came here for free food, not to get my weave snatched and told what my problem is, thank you very much.
G: But I'm not wrong...
Me: True.

The problem with someone who knows you well is that they know you well. #SheRightTho

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Let's Get Phallical

Agent W and I had some trying times in the month of May. She took a walk with her dog yesterday to shake off the negativity and posted a pic to Facebook. And then...well...

Me: What is the purple phallic thing sticking outta your backpack in the pic with the dog?
W: LOL. That's a baggie for picking up dog doo. I had just pulled some out to give to an unprepared owner.
Me: Oh thank god. I was concerned for your safety.
W: lol No you weren't.
Me: Ok, I wasn't. I was actually wondering which category I was gonna list the video under on PornHub.
W: LOL. That, I do believe.
W: I'm feeling romantical.
Me: You should. Not every girl has a husband who tries to profit off her sexual proclivities.
W: lol Oh right, that. Yes, that's why.
Me: Whyfore?
W: No reason, really. But today I can stand listening to love songs.
Me: Because you less bittah, after your long, phallic walk.
Me: And now you realize that you're every woman. And anythang you want done baby. You gotta do your damn self.
W: LOL. Makes sense.
W: I'm too tired and sore to be bitter.
Me: I'ma print that on a t-shirt for my one night womensz to wear lol.
W: LOL. And on the back  - #StickyAndFullOfRegret
Me: lol YES. I need to copyright this now.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

This Is A Story Of A Male Female Threat To Society

My BFF has been enamored with Johnny Depp pretty much her entire life. I cannot tell you how many of his movies I have been forced to sit through, some of them multiple times. Of course, she's also followed his personal life and was disappointed when he broke up with his longtime girlfriend and mother of his two kids. She was even more dismayed when it widely reported that a contributing factor to the breakup was Depp's infatuation with actress Amber Heard. I remember a conversation Y and I had shortly after the two announced their engagement in which she said she had a bad feeling about the whole deal. And, well, she was right. In case you've been living under a rock, Heard very publicly filed for divorce last week after a mere 15 months of marriage, and followed that up by filing for a restraining order based on accusations that Depp abused her. When people widely disbelieved her account of him having allegedly thrown an iPhone at her face and striking her, she lawyered up and released photos of her injury. The LAPD had responded to a domestic dispute on the night in question, but she refused to press charges and said it had just been a loud argument. Officers have stated multiple times that they did not see any signs of physical violence at the residence, and no sign of any injuries to her. So of course, the next day Heard's attorneys release more stories of other abuse incidents that took place during their marriage, partnering with "People" magazine (for a price, I'm sure) to tell the story of how she's a "hero". Gag.
Lest you have read this far and believe I'm anti-woman or believing the man's story simply because I am a man, let me make some things perfectly clear. I have not decided which side is telling the truth, and a large part of that is because domestic violence is an issue close to my heart, one that has existed in my own family on more than one occasion. My biological great grandfather was a manipulative, violent SOB that ruined many lives. My aunt's ex-husband took a swing at her before she put him out and never spoke to him again. Another aunt lived for years with one abuser, only to break free and end up with another one. Even my mother has had experience with domestic abuse. I'm not one to side with a man in an abuse case in some misguided male solidarity. But I will tell you this - Heard is shady as fuck and came off that way long before she became Depp's wife. And that's what makes it difficult for me to believe what she's saying about all of this alleged abuse that took place. She didn't come out with the abuse story until the public scoffed at her divorce filing. She's been lashing out every chance she gets through her lawyers about how the media is portraying her as a golddigger when she is actually a victim. Yet she has not filed a police report or asked for an investigation and possible charges against Depp. I find that very telling. If she had all her ducks in a row and good representation, she would've had the abuse documented the night it happened by the police and filed for the restraining order then, and that would've strengthened her case in the divorce significantly. Properly documented abuse is a game changer in divorce cases like this. Instead, she sent the cops away and later had friends take pictures of her injuries, which apparently they also did for her during previous fights. There are few reasons not to file a police report on this latest fight; she was too afraid to do so (doubtful since she wasn't afraid to call the cops in the first place), she didn't know it would be their last fight (also doubtful since it sounds like she'd been planning to leave for awhile), or nothing actually happened and she's at least wise enough to know that she could be charged with filing a false report if found out. Very curious, indeed. Add to that the fact that Heard's finances were disclosed and girl spends money like it's going out of style. Three-hundred dollars on laundry, thousands on vacations and gifts and eating out. In my opinion, 15 months of marriage should not be enough to get spousal support, even if there was abuse in the marriage. And that "lifestyle I've become accustomed to" crap should only apply when there are children involved. As I said, I don't know who's telling the truth but parts of all this scream that she just wants out of the marriage and with all the cash she can grab. Depp has been awfully quiet which makes it seem like maybe he knows something the rest of us don't and is waiting for the case to go to court before he shows his hand. But whether it's true or not, he's learning a valuable lesson - don't break up your happy, settled home life just because you're infatuated with a chick that everybody told you was gonna turn you out eventually.