What is that saying? Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you? That seems to be difficult to follow through on. For most of my twenties, I was one of those who sheltered in place with one person while inadvertently keeping one eye open for something more thrilling. It wasn't intentional, it was more like I felt there had to be something...more out there. And maybe there's something to that behavior for certain people because eventually I found L and now I don't have eyes for anyone else. Count me among those that knows what they have when they have it. I wrote before that L's ex let her get away and still regrets it and now I fear something similar may be playing out with my cousin and his girlfriend of almost three years.
These two crazy kids were a slow burn. They met through a mutual friend and were kinda half in and half out of a relationship for months before finally making a commitment. He broke it off about a six months later in a get-your-ish-together-then-call-me type situation. That break hit her harder than she thought it would and when she got him back, she made damn sure to seal off all the exits. I remember her telling me at the time that no split had ever affected her in such a way and it forced her to grow up a bit. Things were great between them for most of the last year, especially towards the end of 2016. But a few weeks ago, Y discovered she's pregnant and it's caused a number of us to take stock of our own lives, including the cousin. For as long as I can remember, he's wanted to be a father and have the traditional family thing he didn't have growing up. His loser ex-girlfriend claimed to want those same things but then woke up one day and decided she didn't and that was the end of that. He's been very conscious of what happened there and how she played him and determined to avoid the same thing happening again. And he wasn't worried about it, at least not too much, until this whole Y thing hit. He and I had a long convo about relationships and life and I told him I saw another youngin in my future with L at some point, probably sooner rather than later given our ages. I've always said I won't procreate after 40 and that's looming on the horizon. The cousin is younger than me, he'll be 33 in a few months, but his girlfriend is younger by two years and has a different view on the whole family thing. She's always been up front about how she's on the fence about kids and I think neither of them saw it as an issue because it was so early in the relationship. But now it's becoming an issue because he's starting to feel like it's not going to pan out the way he wants it to and he's going to be left to start over again - again. So what did he do? Started a whole big thing that may result in their demise. *sigh*
The first split of these two did not last very long. She realized how much she loved him and how great he was. The cause of the first split definitely had a hint of her not knowing what she had when she had him. But this time I think the roles have been reversed. He's so preoccupied with not falling into the trap he did with his ex that he's about to sabotage something that's been an incredibly good influence on him. In other words, he's the one who doesn't realize what he has while he still has it. I'm not saying he should chuck away what he needs or his desire for a family. But I think they should talk things out, rather than this dramatic thing where he takes off and keeps them in a state of suspended animation. She's a mess because she knows she doesn't want to lose him and she knows that she very well could decide she wants kids. She never saw herself as wanting that prior to him but now there is some appeal to it. She also takes the view that they're still relatively young and have time to decide what the future holds for them. He's been waiting a long ass time to have a family, but it's all doomed to fail if he's too afraid to take a leap of faith.
