Oh, that Agent W. She never fails to make me laugh. A few days ago we got to talking about a former 90's teen idol who has started a cult and the latest photo of him that shows a parrot randomly sitting on his shoulder. It was then that we decided we needed to make t-shirts that included a random parrot. And well...you know how I like to rewrite the lyrics to songs...
W: [It screams rebel because] it's a parrot we don't have to answer for. Why? CUZ IT'S OUR PREROGATIVE!
Me: Everybody's talkin' all about my parrot, why don't they just let me liiiiiive. Don't treat me so coldly, hatin' on my poultry. That's my prerogativeeeeee
W: LOL Hence why I love you
Me: lol It wasn't easy. Not much rhymes with poultry
Then last night, I shared this with her, just before we had a longer than it shoulda been conversation about the awesomeness of Ramen Noodles and how she can't make them correctly:
Me: LOL. I just read a post on FB that says, "I'm a lady in the street but a freak at the buffet"
W: That was hilarious, that sounds like me
This morning our convo started out simple enough...
Me: You know that ALS water thing that's going around the interwebs? We have this client who flirts with me whenever we work together and yesterday she's all, "So are you going to pour water over yourself until your shirt sticks to your body like glue? For charity, of course"
Me: I said maybe me doing that with 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' playing and several male strippers surrounding me might be more up her alley and she got all embarrassed.
Me: I don't think she meant to objectify me out loud lol
W: LOL
Me: I'm tempted to do that video now and make it extra cray cray just for kicks
W: I'd put rubber sharks in the water
Me: Classy
W: Too classy for you?
Me: I've seen "Sharknado" multiple times. Everything is too classy for me lol
W: lol got me there
Me: COME ON COME ON!! FEEL IT FEEL IT!! Then put her name scrolling across the bottom with, "hey girl...can you feel my vibration"
W: LOL
Me: lol She'd probably die of embarrassment
W: The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few. I think the world needs this video.
But it all took a nasty turn when we started talking about my sister's upcoming wedding (more on that as the week goes on). And well...things got heated, to say the least...
Me: Dude, my sister is getting hitched this weekend
W: I'm sorry, what?
Me: Hitched means married. Keep up, Weezy
W: You know what I meant, you bastard!
Me: lol it's true, this bastard did know what you meant
Me: I'm offended all these fuckers in my generation are giving into the man and getting married
W: lol offended
Me: Lol well I am. Like wtf gave y'all permission to do this ish. ESP the siblings. Bc now I'll be the only spinster and I'm sure I'll hear about it
W: *points and laughs*
W: You're officially the cat lady
Me: lol Fuck you, noodle ruiner!!
W: LOL
Me: lol I flipped your sassy ass off with both hands all Homer Simpson style as I said that too
W: We all have our faults. Mine is that I can't cook. Yours is that no one wants to marry you cuz you's a lady in the streets and a freak in the boofay.
Me: LMAO. I hate you
Me: Using my own damn phrases against me. Et tu Weezay?
W: *bows* a-thank you
Me: For the record, people wanna marry this cat lady. I'm is turning THEM down mmmmmkay
W: Riiiight
W: People wanna see you with your clothing stuck to your body like glue.
Well, when she's right, she's right.
