Picture this: A made-up-to-look-like-a-hooker Tara Reid hanging out the side of an airplane that is still in-flight. Flying sharks are circling all around her as she hangs onto the plane with one hand and shoots at a shark with the other. Now, you just saw another passenger get sucked out of the plane the minute the door blew open. But not Tara Reid. Oh no. Somehow she continues to hang onto that plane with just a single hand, and her makeup and hair are flawless throughout the ordeal. Suddenly, a shark leaps up and bites off her hand, along with the gun, and she turns back into the airplane and lets out the most unconvincing scream you've ever heard as her bloody stump waves around towards the camera. And It. Is. Hilarious. It is the opening scene of "Sharknado 2: The Second One".
I didn't watch the first "Sharknado" movie when it premiered, I didn't even know about it actually. But this sort of fare is right up G's alley and he convinced all of us to sit down and watch it and I became a believer. What was great about the first one is that you can almost hear the writers say, "Fuck science. Fuck plausibility. We're gonna combine marine life with a natural disaster. No, we're gonna combine sharks with a tornado! And then we're gonna whip those motherfuckers around like rag dolls and have 'em kill people and shit.". And lucky for those writers, there is a network that specialized in implausible movies that combine species or species with natural disasters - Syfy. The first movie set Twitter on fire with its ridiculousness and was probably the only reason a sequel was made. But, in true movie fashion, the sequel did not outdo the original.
Brian Williams probably put it best when he said "Sharknado 2" was not necessarily a star-filled movie, but a "people-filled" affair. Within in the first half hour, we see the frontman of Sugar Ray (whom Twitter seems to think is actually named Sugar Ray), Ian Ziering, of 90210 fame (and the first movie), Reid, Vivica A. Fox (looking rough, sadly), and Pepa of Salt 'n Pepa. The first face you see on screen is Kelly Osbourne, so you know from the gate what kinda movie it's gonna be. Biz Markie appears in the finale inexplicably playing a guy named Vinny, for god's sake (failing to work "baby you got what I need" into that scene was a missed opportunity). S2 is cheesy, it is campy and it's ridiculous. It's the kinda thing you loathe yourself for even being interested in, and wouldn't tell anybody you liked if there weren't 4 million other people on the planet watching the exact same movie and feeling the exact same way. Where the first movie was unintentionally terrible and awesome, the second one seemed to buckle under the pressure of its anticipation. There were way too many people in it and it tried too hard to be awesomely bad. There were a few good moments and, like a car crash, you still just couldn't look away. But overall, I prefer the first movie. There was a sort of innocence about those first sharks that got whipped up into a tornado in Malibu. But you better believe i will be ass in seat should a third Sharknado movie be made. And when the first two repeat on Syfy this weekend. #NoShame
