Y: So TLC has a new show coming next month about longtime best friends who decide to get hitched. I guess because they're old and nobody else wants them now.
Me: ...I hope you're not taking this conversation in the direction it sounds...
Y: LOL. You should be so lucky! *brushes away hair and pushes up cleavage* No, seriously though, are you interested?
Me: LOL. I was gonna say no, but the, "because you're old and nobody wants you now" portion of the proposal was tres romantic.
Y: LOL. I said THEY were old and nobody wanted them!! You're still okay looking. Why do you think I want to wife you? #EyeCandy
Me: lol Remember that other show on TLC you saw where the Mexican lad was marrying the Indian chick and you said it would be what our wedding was like if I wasn't, to quote you, "gross"?
Y: Omg, yes!
Me: Yeah, well I have no interest in that.
Y: What about having a child?
Me: ...Why are we talking about this? We both have childs.
Y: LOL "Childs". I don't want one now, I still have a few years left to find somebody better to procreate with. But I'ma need you to step up if that doesn't happen. You agreed to such things when we became friends.
Me: LOL. I was 3 months old when we became friends! Clearly I didn't read the fine print.
Y: lol I was even younger. Get over it and get down to the doctor's office, homeo.
Me: But...but...our child would be too violent for this world, which is saying something.
Y: It would be able to take care of itself. And have kickass musical taste. Come oooooooonnnnnnn!
Me: I will agree to this hypothetical scenario on one condition - I get to name it. All the names. By myself.
Y: You know damn well you are AWFUL at naming things by yourself. And I'll be damned if I'm giving birth to Hakuna Matata [last name].
Me: LOL. I hadn't even thought of that but now that you mention it...Hakuna Matata is such a wonderful phrase...
Y: LOL. And how appropriate that my wanting to procreate with you was a passing craze...
Me: LOL. Well played.
