I had an issue with the friend of a client that could've ended badly if people could read my thoughts.
Me: Then she gets on me for being "agitated".
Me: I was like, "Of course I'm agitated. You're annoying."
Y: LMAO. [Full names me] Tell me you didn't say that out loud...
Me: lol No. And dammit it was difficult not to.
Me: I was like, "Of course I'm agitated. You're annoying."
Y: LMAO. [Full names me] Tell me you didn't say that out loud...
Me: lol No. And dammit it was difficult not to.
==========
I mentioned a friend of a friend to G and how she looks a lot younger than I assumed she was (her niece turned 17 recently). And G...well, he's Canadian, eh.
Me: I was surprised to see the niece is that old though. She doesn't look old enough to have a kid/niece that age.
G: You're assuming age though. Could be older, younger, still in 20s, and the parent of the kid is much older.
Me: Nah, it's her twin sister's kid.
G: Maybe they're not identical though.
Me: LMAO. Wtf kinda education do they give ya'll in the damn Yukon? Twins are the same age. Identical or not. At least in Murricah, they is.
G: LMAO. Wait! Nooooooo. That's not what I was trying to say!
G: You're assuming age though. Could be older, younger, still in 20s, and the parent of the kid is much older.
Me: Nah, it's her twin sister's kid.
G: Maybe they're not identical though.
Me: LMAO. Wtf kinda education do they give ya'll in the damn Yukon? Twins are the same age. Identical or not. At least in Murricah, they is.
G: LMAO. Wait! Nooooooo. That's not what I was trying to say!
==========
A relays a convo she had this morning with an Iraq war vet who is fighting with the system for medical treatment.
E: How fucked up. You serve your country and you come back traumatized and unable to find a job or get medical care.
Y: Omg, right?? It should be a part of the contract that if you serve your country, it has to serve you once you're back.
Me: Except you, G. The only thing you should serve your country is some basic education.
G: LMAO. Fuck you, Giuseppe.
Y: LOL. Seriously. Even just some Sesame Street or something.
A: LOL! "Elmo says, "Twins are the same age in ANY country!"".
G: I hate you guys lol. If I could find a better class of friends, I would.
R: "Better" meaning they can do long division? Cuz methinks you're amongst equals here dude.
G: LOL. Just when I think I have no reason to live, you remind me that I'm stuck with ya'll. *pulls rope tighter*
Me: Just make sure you know how to tie a knot first.
Y: LOL. Buuuuuurn.
Y: Omg, right?? It should be a part of the contract that if you serve your country, it has to serve you once you're back.
Me: Except you, G. The only thing you should serve your country is some basic education.
G: LMAO. Fuck you, Giuseppe.
Y: LOL. Seriously. Even just some Sesame Street or something.
A: LOL! "Elmo says, "Twins are the same age in ANY country!"".
G: I hate you guys lol. If I could find a better class of friends, I would.
R: "Better" meaning they can do long division? Cuz methinks you're amongst equals here dude.
G: LOL. Just when I think I have no reason to live, you remind me that I'm stuck with ya'll. *pulls rope tighter*
Me: Just make sure you know how to tie a knot first.
Y: LOL. Buuuuuurn.
==========
Miss N would like to marry me off...like right now. Her latest stunt got the whole family in trouble.
MOC: So the school called me because your daughter told her teacher (direct quote here), "My dad is single and likes to learn".
Me: LOL. That...sounds like something I would say to a teacher.
MOC: Yeah, I know lol. I was called down there because the teacher assumed we were married and that you'd told Miss N to pass along the message. She wanted to let me know my husband is a cad.
Me: How...why do people there assume we're hitched? We're never there together.
MOC: And now I know why. Because you're cheating on me lol.
Me: LOL. Slow your roll, sistah gurl. It was an accident!
MOC: After she broke the news to me I wanted to pull up Gio's picture and be like, "Girl, no. THIS is what I married".
Me: Well don't I feel special.
MOC: You don't deserve to feel special, your daughter is a pimp.
Me: You say "your daughter" like you ain't contribute half the DNA. She's both of our problem, my friend lol.
MOC: True, but it scares me to think just how much of you is surfacing in her lol.
Me: Maybe we can reprogram her. Like when people leave a cult. Or the Mormons.
MOC: LOL. Or you could get snipped and the world will only have to defeat one of your spawn.
Me: Why didn't you show the teacher my picture?
MOC: ...Because...?
Me: You established I was single. Maybe she would've wanted to teach me. Now we'll never know lol.
MOC: LOL. I thought you swore off educators?
Me: Well I'm not gonna marry one. But a roll on the hay, why not? lol
MOC: I'm getting a restraining order.
Me: LOL. You knew what I was when you married me!
MOC: lol Unfortunately, yes.
Me: LOL. That...sounds like something I would say to a teacher.
MOC: Yeah, I know lol. I was called down there because the teacher assumed we were married and that you'd told Miss N to pass along the message. She wanted to let me know my husband is a cad.
Me: How...why do people there assume we're hitched? We're never there together.
MOC: And now I know why. Because you're cheating on me lol.
Me: LOL. Slow your roll, sistah gurl. It was an accident!
MOC: After she broke the news to me I wanted to pull up Gio's picture and be like, "Girl, no. THIS is what I married".
Me: Well don't I feel special.
MOC: You don't deserve to feel special, your daughter is a pimp.
Me: You say "your daughter" like you ain't contribute half the DNA. She's both of our problem, my friend lol.
MOC: True, but it scares me to think just how much of you is surfacing in her lol.
Me: Maybe we can reprogram her. Like when people leave a cult. Or the Mormons.
MOC: LOL. Or you could get snipped and the world will only have to defeat one of your spawn.
Me: Why didn't you show the teacher my picture?
MOC: ...Because...?
Me: You established I was single. Maybe she would've wanted to teach me. Now we'll never know lol.
MOC: LOL. I thought you swore off educators?
Me: Well I'm not gonna marry one. But a roll on the hay, why not? lol
MOC: I'm getting a restraining order.
Me: LOL. You knew what I was when you married me!
MOC: lol Unfortunately, yes.
Ain't parenthood grand?
==========
Relaying the Miss N incident to Agent W.
W: Thank Fonz the foxiest thing she could think of was that you like to learn.
Me: I know. I told MOC I'd still take the teacher's number though lol.
W: lol I'm trying not to choke on my lemonade.
Me: I shoulda had kids a long ass time ago, W. They're great lady bait.
Me: Sure, they occasionally tell hot womensz that you're a homosexual. But yin and yang and all that.
W: LOL. Psssh, my 5-year-old nephew already wants to get married. He doesn't believe my mom when she says he has to grow a mustache, go to college, get a job and have a car before he can get married.
Me: That's brilliant. As long as I don't get a car, I can't get married.
W: lol You're welcome.
Me: "Hey gurl, I'd love to marry you but see...my wife's mom heard from Jesus that I can't marry anyone if I don't have a car."
W: LOL. What a mess that would be. "What had happened was..."
