I wrote a previous post about the ridiculousness that was the TLC show, "Married By Mom & Dad". The premiere episode was so stupid that I couldn't bring myself to watch the entire season of the show. I did, however, get weekly updates from our resident reality junkie A, and that prompted me to look up a few recaps of the show to see if any of these idiots actually did get married. As it turns out, only one of the four singles is still hitched. Christina is a 37-year-old with a weird dad named Derald who didn't want to meet her future husband until she walked down the aisle. I got a very desperate vibe from her right from the get go, like she would've married literally anybody her parents threw her way. And it would appear I was right. They convinced her to meet their pick prior to the wedding and she was all gung-ho to marry him. Then, on the day of the wedding, he turned up in his suit and took her aside to say he felt no chemistry for her and would not be marrying her. She had the reception anyway and then asked her parents to find her a mate who would actually marry her. After perusing the reject pile of submissions, mom and dad came up with an uber-religious fella named Tom who claimed God himself was telling him to marry a woman he knew nothing about. Because you can't fix stupid, Christina still insists on not meeting Tom (or even knowing his name) until she walks down the aisle. This time, the dude takes the vows and they go through an awkward-ish reception before it dawns on her that the party's over and the real work of marriage, and getting to know your own husband, begins. That doesn't sit well with Christina, who started the series as being a desperate old maid who wanted to get hitched, but in the end just wanted to have the fancy wedding and party where she was the center of attention. Her attitude towards her new husband does a 180 post-wedding, and she even tells him she doesn't think they should live together because she needs her space. Eventually, they get it together and are possibly already breeding. I don't know who has lower self-esteem here; Christina for thinking the only way to trap a man was to have one marry her sight unseen, or Tom for being a-ok with being a second (possibly third or fourth, her parents interviewed other dudes besides the one who cut and ran) choice of a woman who is thoroughly, 'meh' about his existence. Given the religiousness going on, I'm sure they'll pop out a few kids before calling it quits (or living unhappily ever after because God said so).
Although only one couple on the show remain married, "MBM&D" actually went two for three in terms of actually getting people married. Mitch was the Ken-doll looking Sommelier who was allowing his mother, Military man father and future step-mother pick out his future bride. Dad made the three women they'd narrowed it down to uncomfortable with his pervy, sex-related questions and almost immediately wrote off the lone non-white pick because she had some debt and was in between jobs. That left two leggy blondes who looked like the same damn chick to me. The woman they chose had all three parents sprung, until they asked her how her family felt about her marrying a total stranger and she said they had no idea. She gave them some BS about how her mom lives on the East Coast and she's on the West, so it was difficult to coordinate a phone call to say, "Hey mom, I'm getting married!". No one bought it, and you saw everybody's woody go down a notch, but they all charged ahead anyway. Despite Mitch's friends telling him they saw mofo red flags in her not telling her family about the wedding, he marries her anyway and some of his guests sit on the bride's side of the aisle to fill out the joint (apparently dad and step-mom decided that Mitch's mother should sit on the bride's side, which was a total dick move and I can't believe she allowed them to bully her that way. But then, I got the sense that's what he did during their marriage too. The good news is Mitch is single again so she can sit on the right side of the aisle at his next wedding.). It's implied that the newlyweds consummated their marriage on the wedding night, but I'm not so sure about that. A few weeks later, his wife finally tells her friends about the marriage and they attend a party where both groups of amigos are present. While inside the house drying off after a dip in the pool, Mitch overhears his wife's BFF address "the elephant in the room" and ask his friends if he's gay. The friends don't really answer - and Mrs. Mitch doesn't say a word one way or another. When he comes out and tells the group he is not gay, he asks his wife to stick up for him on the subject and she answers with a flat, "No". Mitch storms off in what some might consider a, 'methinks doth protest too much moment', but I think his problem was that his wife didn't defend him. If they hadn't slept together yet, it doesn't inspire confidence that she wanted to get it on with him. If they had and she still couldn't be sure...well, that's not good either. Whatever her reasons, they didn't speak for days after the fact and then decided that they should no longer be married to one another no more. I'd suspected this chick was on the show either just to be on TV or for other reasons, but we'll never know her true motivations I guess. As for the big, rainbow colored elephant in the room - A thinks Mitch is gay and just too afraid to tell his asshole father, who I'm sure would pitch a fit even though his fiancee looks like she's transitioning from being a man (seriously, I had to do a double take because she looks like that Jenner woman). I don't know if he's gay or not, but I think he's probably questioning that himself. He assumed her friends were asking if he was because was "not macho", but having seen his leisure activities (sunning himself with his male friends, all of them in pastel-colored shorts with not a hair out of place) and mannerisms in the premiere of the show, I don't think it had anything to do with his lack of machoness. Whether he is or he isn't, I hope he figures out how to just be himself.
The last two singles on "MBM&D" were a hot mess, and continued to be so after they withdrew from the process. Marivic was the product of two, "in my country" kinda folks who had weird requirements for her future husband (no bald guys, no tall guys). Her dad a jackass who thought he was the greatest gift ever and felt his daughter should not marry anyone who wasn't exactly like him. Her mom was completely submissive to dad and what he wanted to do; if he didn't like someone, she didn't either, when he decided not to continue on the show, she also left, despite her daughter asking her to stay. Adding to all the drama was the fact that Marivic still lived at home with the folks. Her parents were less than impressed with her suitors, turning away one because he was bald and another because he was not college-educated (which Marivic didn't care about anyway). After butting heads over three different dudes, dad determined no one would be good enough for her and he refused to participate anymore. Mom followed him out the door and Marivic soon followed, telling the cameras that her family wasn't ready for her to be married and so it was best she stay single for now. Marvic is in her mid-30's, so her family has had plenty of time to reconcile the fact that she would get hitched eventually. I think she's just going along with what daddy wants her to do and, if she's not careful, she'll end up in her mid-40's, still single and without children (which she says she wants), all because she didn't have the balls to stand up to her father. The other trainwreck on the show was John, another thirtysomething who was, "only going to get married once" and somehow felt this process was the way to accomplish that goal. John's parents, who have ten other children, are overbearing as all hell and narrow their choices down to a pretty, but anorexic looking chick and a woman named Chandlar (and yes, that's the correct spelling...Lord). Chandlar goes on a date with John and finds him quite interesting, but once she's chosen to marry him and they take a ride from the bridal shop to his home, his demeanor changes completely and she wonders which version is the true version o' John. She soon gets her answer when, four days before the wedding, the two are seated in the living room and she asks him if he's excited about the wedding. John's reply? He puffs up his cheeks, blows some air out, shrugs his shoulders and purses his lips. I bet you can feel all John's excitement just by reading that, huh? His intended is also underwhelmed by the response, yet is still surprised when calls the whole thing off a few days later. Chandlar asks him where he sees things going from there and he says he wants to slow things down and see where they go - but he also doesn't want to date Chandlar. A poet, John is not. But, shockingly, he's probably the only one in the entire cast of characters that grasped the immense stupidity of what he was about to do and hit the abort button just in time.
What did we all learn from this moronic exercise? Well, the first thing is that there will undoubtedly be a second season, with all new desperate idiots lining up to take what their parents think they deserve. This culture we have now of valuing marriage so little that shows like, "Married At First Sight" and "MBM&D" are so popular is actually very sad. I'm not the marrying kind, and I cannot fathom a scenario in which I would want something that life-altering so badly that I'd put my fate in the hands of reality show producers, but even I think it's pathetic how little value is placed on marriage anymore. Or really, how little value is placed on connection. That's where something as major as a marriage should have its roots because, ideally, you're agreeing to spend the rest of your life with this person and work through any and everything that comes your way. So-called "scientists" can't look at a questionnaire you fill out and pair you with your supposed soul mate and promise you it's the one you've been waiting for your whole life. Why? Because we're human. No answers on a page can dictate chemistry or attraction or passion, all of which are necessary for a romantic relationship. Going purely off physical attraction and sex is obviously not going to produce a successful marriage, but it is a vital part of the process for most of us. Who wants to spend their life with someone they aren't compatible with sexually? Unfortunately, the powers that be would rather have ratings and know there are always people out there desperate for their 15 minutes, so that's what wins out. And really, if you're stupid enough to go on these shows and marry a complete stranger, you get what you get and I have zero sympathy.
