*Friend talks about how date was going swimmingly until the dude brought up his ex*
Me: See, this is why dating is awful these days. Because no one has the sense to give off the illusion that they're normal. They lead with past crap and, oh by the way, I'm a fucking psycho.
W: So dating is awful because you find out up front what you could've found out later?
Me: Exactly. BUT I would've found out the crazy after we'd at least hooked up a few times. So it wouldn't be a total loss.
W: LOL. You're all class, husband.
==========
Speaking of dating, S is now in town full-time and has committed to finding me a life mate. She finally decided who she wants to set me up with but described the woman as, "total marriage material" and I asked her why she would do that to me. And then...
S: Let me explain myself! By "total marriage material", I meant that she's been married before, but she's on the fence and leaning towards not doing it again. I meant that she would be a good life partner.
Me: Hmmm...Are you lying just so I'll go out with her? And are you gonna make me go anyway?
S: Kinda and yes.
Me: LOL. Rock me gently, S.
S: But really I just think you have a lot in common and would hit it off. And if you don't, I can dig into the less classy side of my Rolodex and find you someone who will put out without dating.
Me: This is where I should inquire about the date and why you describe her as classy. But instead, I'd like to know if I can peer into the "put out" section of your Rolodex.
S: LOL. Given how this convo has gone, I'm sure you'll get there in no time. And yes, classy. She's foreign so obviously she's classier than we the people. With an accent and shit.
Me: Not Canadian though, right? Cuz, lady or not, I will clock you.
S: lol I know better than that. And thank you so much for considering me a lady!
Me: I misspoke. I was under pressure and panicking about the date's origin.
S: LOL "Origin". She's not a fucking alien. You need to stop watching "The X-Files".
Me: lol It ends next week, so I'd set the date up for anytime after that.
S: I'll say next month just to be sure it's out of your system.
Me: Wait, what kinda accent?
S: I'm not telling you anymore. You can wait and see. Otherwise, it's not really a blind date.
Me: Not Scottish though, right? And not a redhead? And not Russian?
S: LOL Omg. You only like about 1% of the population.
Me: lol That's highballing it. But seriously, I need answers or I'ma say no.
S: No, no and no. And that's all you get.
Me: Whew. Wait, what accent then?
S: No mas, amor!
Me: German? Brit? Spanish? I need to know!
S: I didn't know you liked Germans.
Me: I don't. I don't know why I asked about that one. Germans are scary too.
S: LOL. You're right, 1% is highballing it. #StayClassy
This is why I told my friends I was opened to them setting me up on blind dates. Because I knew they'd all get fed up with my nitpicking and leave me alone. But the force is strong with this one. #Dammit
