Freedom Of Religion

Last night while eating dinner my 9-year-old niece just blurts out, "Why do people hate Muslims?" Obviously taken aback, I wanted to know why she thought that. She said she overheard the parents of some kids at the park talking about how all Muslims are terrorists and they should all be deported from this country or killed. This visit to the park was last week so she's been sitting with this for awhile. Then it sent me frantically thinking about how to best handle such a question.
I had a conversation just last week with a family member about religion in America, specifically about Muslims. Where one of my aunts lives, there was a big deal about a workplace refusing to let its Muslim workers take a break at sundown for Ramadan. In an article I read online about the dispute, I could not believe how many comments there were from people saying that the Muslim workers had to "be flexible" and should maybe "consider taking a pay cut to work at a job that provides adequate hours for them to practice their religion". There were very few comments about being tolerant of other faiths. In fact, there were a ton of comments about how we needed to make this country the "Christian nation it once was". I must have missed that chapter of American history because as long as we've been a nation, there have been a number of diverse races and religions.
Telling Muslims that they can't have a short break to do something their religion requires is like telling a Catholic they can't go to church on Ash Wednesday or saying they have to wipe the ashes off their forehead before they come into work. It's like asking a Jewish person to eat during a full fasting holiday. Nobody should have to hide their religion, no matter what it is. Obviously, Christians make up the majority of people in this country but that does not mean that everyone else should follow. The freedoms we have in America are the reason people want to come to this country and one of those freedoms is freedom of religion. I can't believe how intolerant a nation we actually seem to be sometimes.
Islam is really, when you simplify it, similar to Christianity in this way - there's a divide amongst Muslims and extremists and there is a divide amongst Evangelicals and Christians. The Koran is meant to be interpreted by each person as they see fit. So is the Bible. Muslim extremists interpret the message to be violence and war to attain what they want. The majority of Muslims practice peacefully. Further, Catholics, Christians and Muslims all believe in God. Yes, the same God, just different variations. But I guess it's the littlest things that people use to separate themselves from each other. I don't have a dog in this fight so I feel like I can see from a sort of outside view, in a way.
And so I spent over an hour explaining to this child why she heard the things she did on the playground. Explaining to her that you don't discriminate against someone because of the color of their skin or their beliefs. You may not agree with their beliefs, but you should respect everybody equally. Fortunately, she's growing up in an extremely tolerant family and around a diverse group of people so the message was easy to get across. I just still can't believe she heard such a thing on the playground. It's like kids can't even be kids anymore and that's sad.

Changes

I'm finally on the mend and breathing doesn't hurt as much. Hopefully I'll be better by tomorrow, just in time for work. Making my recovery even more difficult is the massive amount of life-altering information I've had to take in this week. My best friend since birth got back together her "husband" (it was never a legal marriage) a little while back and they're basically, I guess you'd say engaged (again). They went on vacation to Europe last month and ended up prolonging their stay almost an entire month because he got offered a job. Two jobs, actually. One in Spain and one in England. He's seriously considering taking someone up on their offer and she, of course, would be going with him. We've never lived on completely separate continents for a prolonged period of time. And yet...I feel oddly at ease with the whole situation. I mean, she's been gone a month and we've talked everyday via internet or phone but I haven't really had the cow I was preparing myself for. Don't get me wrong, I miss her like crazy but I thought it would be much worse. I remember when she moved out of the home we were living in a few years ago and I did my best to make her stay. But I was alone once she moved out. And when she got married, to my ex-fiancee's brother no less, I tried my best to lock her in a closet and never let her out so she couldn't leave me. Again, I was by myself. But this time...it's like we're both grown-ups. We're both in relationships and happy and we know we're always gonna be in each other's lives. Just on separate ends of the earth, apparently. They have to make a decision by the end of this month, so it's coming up quickly. I just hope she's happy, whatever they choose.

PLAGUE

I've gone from a severe sore throat and speechlessness to full on plague. I mean PLAGUE. Everyday something new hurts or I get a new symptom. I can't remember the last time I was this sick and it wasn't related to accident after-effects. Growing up, I had an immune system of steel. Everyone around me could get sick but I wouldn't. I had the chicken pox and I had the flu maybe twice and that was it. The accident sent my system all screwy and now it's not as strong as it used to be but I still don't get sick much. When I do, it seems like it's always related to my lungs in some way. I used to have asthma as a kid but I outgrew it and it completely went away last year. But when my lungs choose to turn against me, they mean business. I thought I'd be over this by now, I was supposed to go to a work function tonight but I pulled out yesterday because I just didn't think I'd be well. Last night, I felt better and I felt like I was clearing and then by the time I went to bed, I felt like crap again. So I slept for about two hours and then jumped up at 3 a.m. hacking up a lung out of nowhere. That lasted a half hour and then I was up again at 6 with the same thing. Finally, I slept for three hours this morning soundly. And woke up all stuffy. But my throat no longer hurts, on the upside. Breathing has become a major chore. I wish I could just sleep through the entire thing, but every time I sleep I start coughing. On another note, my best friend since birth is this close to moving overseas...don't know how I feel about that yet. I'll explain it all when I get well (soon, hopefully).

Addict Thinking

"Addict: 1. To give oneself up to a strong habit 2. To become addicted to a habit, as to using drugs."
That is the definition of an addict or an addiction. I do not think I was an addict. Now, this whole thing came up this morning because my girlfriend heard some stuff about what I now refer to as 'the dark ages'. I never fully told her about stuff that happened during that time because I don't like to re-live it. I told her what was important but I can't blame her for wanting to know the whole story.
Back when I was in my depressive phase, which lasted a good number of years, I was into just about anything self-destructive. I drank a lot, and I can drink a lot since genetics has made it virtually impossible for me to actually get drunk. And I slept around, as has been documented here. But what I never addressed until last year was that I took to popping pills around the second year of my issues. Even now, I couldn't tell you for sure what they were. One day I opened up the medicine cabinet for Advil and saw a shelf full of leftover drugs from my accident and recovery. So, I took one and it snowballed from there. I would never like have to take them to function or anything. It was more like whenever I was bored or alone...or had just come home from doing something I knew I shouldn't have been doing. Often, I'd chase whatever I took with alcohol. Given my family's history of addiction, was it stupid to even take the risk? Obviously. Even more of a risk was that I was already on other medications and had no clue if they would interact with each other. I wasn't trying to hurt myself or kill myself at all. Obviously I didn't care much for myself at the time but I would never try to take my own life. They helped silence everything. I can't say I was ever actually high on any of them (I don't think they even were able to have such an effect).
My family found out what I was doing after a long period of time (I was good at secrets) but no one person knew everything. Some knew about the drinking, some about the sex, no one really about the pills. Then, I just slowly came to realize that I needed to snap out of this whole thing and I scaled back on the drinking and quit taking everything except what I actually had to. I stopped sleeping with anyone and I stopped half-assing my way in and out of relationships. That wasn't what I needed at the time. And I never meant to hurt anyone else in the first place, which is what my relationship issues were doing. Even though I was finally making and effort and coming out of everything, some members of my family thought I wouldn't be able to do it on my own, thus considering me an addict. I never had withdrawal from anything that I gave up and I literally decided one day not to do it anymore and I haven't since. But every time I talked to someone, they'd ask where I was or what I was doing or where I'd been the night before and if I'd been doing something self-destructive. It got annoying after awhile so last year I asked a counselor who'd been helping one of best friends with his past addiction if we could talk. He took me on and confirmed what I already knew; that I got lucky in not becoming dependent upon anything I was doing. And then, he gave the family some ammo; I do, indeed, have self-destructive tendencies. Well...ya can't win 'em all. At least I rarely get asked if I'm being 'self-destructive' anymore. And I know I have everything in check, though the good doctor says I do tend to lean toward 'addict thinking' every now and again. Whatever. I still drink, but I don't overdo it. I don't take any pill unles I absolutely have to (post-surgery, etc.), I don't even take Tylenol anymore so there's no trouble there. And I'm very happily a one woman man so sex isn't an issue either. Even as I write this, I don't believe I was ever an addict and I should know, I've seen a few friends go through rehab that were serious addicts. I'm just glad it's behind me now.

Random ramblings, I guess

I'm trying to figure out how to best put down exactly how I feel at the moment. First, this whole big marriage thing. I remember going to my first gay wedding about a month ago and thinking about just how much this couple had to go through to get to the altar. The second it became legal, they started planning their day. And part of me feels stupid for doing this whole yo-yo thing with the idea of getting married. But it's not like it's solely my decision anyway.
Then, I look at the other weddings I've been to in the last few years. My little brother and his wife are junior high school sweethearts and I can't think of any two people more meant for each other. They have a son, the one I often refer to in my posts that I care for a lot of the time. They love each other and they were relatively problem free for most of their relationship. Then as their wedding approached last November, there was a chance it might not happen at all because they both started having doubts. I've always figured it was just nerves. And I was right because even though they had some slight issues after the wedding, they've pretty much settled in and are extremely happy. This is a good example. What they have is amazing and I'm glad they're so happy. That said, I still haven't heard any great reviews about the difference between before the wedding and after.
Everyone has an opinion on why I am so hesitant to take that walk. My theory is this: change and I are arch rivals and, though it often wins, I still do my best to avoid it. My mother is extremely opposed to the idea of my never getting married. She has this whole big thing about women getting too...I don't know, relaxed with their men and allowing them to stick around without a firm commitment and signed document. Mind you, my mom has never been married. She never harassed my brother or sister about getting hitched after they had kids because they were young and she knew it was stupid to get married just because you're knocked up. I'm grown, so I know I don't have to do what my mommy tells me. But lately, it's been getting a tad bit on my nerves.
About this whole change thing...I've never dealt well with change but I've noticed it hasn't been as big a factor in my life the last little while. I don't know what it is, but in the last year I've become a parent and dealt with numerous things amongst the family and friends that should have shaken me much more than they did. And yet, nothing's really affected me. It's just kinda all rolled off of me and I've moved on. On one hand, that seems like some sort of progress. On the other, I'm terrified of what may be on the horizon and whether or not it'll be some kind of monumental change that sends me running for cover. Maybe it's just worrying for nothing. Maybe it's legit...I don't really know. It's not like I have a bad feeling or anything. I'm just curious.

Arrested Development

Yesterday was a very good day for me. All of my sports teams won, I spent a nice day with my family and I was all set to have a nice night of just doing nothing for once. Just as my night got going, the door buzzes and my brother calls us downstairs. The door opens and who should stand on the other side of it but a police officer and my teenager. She was at a party on the campus of her school and someone tipped off the police that there were illegal happenings at this party. Those cops went kid by kid and tested each and every one and then set out to return them to their owners. There were drugs going on at this party but the main thing was alcohol and every kid there was underage. The good news is that she swears her drug test is gonna come back negative (and it better, because I know she's smarter than that). The bad news is that she had been drinking and even though she wasn't arrested, she could still get community service for her offense. Apparently she's benefiting from some legal loophole, thank God. But this whole thing has put me in an interesting situation. She's 18 so, technically, she is an adult. If you use that thinking, then what can I really do to her? However, and this is the logic I like, she is still living under my roof so my rules apply and my rules do include not getting arrested. In fact, when she moved in I told her 'don't get arrested and if you do, call so-so and so first'. To her credit, she did call who I told her to. But a near arrest is close enough to enforce my rules. I didn't do anything last night but send her off to her room and try and not think about the whole thing. The Mrs. however has been ready to bring down the hammer from the second the teen walked in the door. After thinking about what woulda happened to me had I been stupid enough to get caught doing what she did, I came to the conclusion that I have to do something. 18 doesn't mean a thing to me, so long as she's in this house. So, as of this morning she's pretty much done seeing the outside except for school and work. Those are the only things she can do until further notice. And the best part...we're going out of the country in a few weeks but my sister-in-law is gonna have nothing but time back here at the house. I never in my life imagined I would have to ground somebody. Especially grounding a teenager when I'm not yet 30 myself. It's weird. It's like our first real test of parental discipline. A teenager and a baby and the teenager is the one we can't turn our backs on for a second...what a life, eh?

We interrupt our regular blogging for this special post

This is something my girlfriend wrote on her blog. Because she tells the story better than I ever could and because it makes me sound really good. lol

"My Best Friend

Before I met my boyfriend I'd never met anyone who thought he could learn how to do anything. Seriously, this man is fearless. Example: During Barack Obama's speech a few weeks ago I suddenly got a craving for cake. We had nothing in the way of sweets in the entire house so I was in withdrawal. He gets up off the couch and goes to the kitchen and fifteen minutes later I smell cake. He went and called his Mom and got one of her recipes. Two days and a trip to the store later, I decided I wanted to add frosting to what was left of my cake and he hit up google and found a recipe. It officially confirmed that he's the perfect man for me.
It's been almost fives years since we met and it's a meeting that literally took my breath away. I was having a good day alreayd and it turned into an unforgettable one at around 2:45 that afternoon. I was walking into a trailer to grab something for a scene and I could feel that I'd hit something when I'd opened the door. This guy turned around and I apologized and then I looked at him. Damn lol That was the first and only thought I had for about 30 seconds. There I am stuck on stupid and staring into the most gorgeous green eyes I had ever since (and I told him as much).
The next night we went on our first date and all night our conversation flowed so beautifully. There was never an awkward silence or any kind of disagreement. So by the end of dinner I was thinking, 'okay...something has to be wrong with him. Maybe he won't pay and then I can get outta this.' lol But no such luck. He had the best manners of any man I've ever dated in my life and what was supposed to just be dinner turned into a walk in the park and hanging out at a coffeehouse. I loved every minute of it and I fell for him by the end of the night. Totally against my will but I loved him. The best part was that he did not try to kiss me at the end of that date. Not that the attraction wasn't raging but I don't kiss on the first date and he seemed to somehow sense that and so he didn't even try. The funny thing is that we didn't keep officially dating right away. I was in the midst of a hectic divorce and it made things more difficult. Adding to our difficulties was that I didn't live in the same state as him. Also difficult (for my friends) was the age difference, which is about 12 years. My friends thought it was a phase, that we were just having great sex and that's why I was so sprung. But we weren't even sleeping together at that time. I didn't care that he was younger or that he wasn't the same race as me. What amazed me is that he'd been through so much, having lost perhaps the love of his life and nearly his own life when he was just 21-years-old, and though he was still having trouble dealing with, there was no question he was going to get past it somehow. To bethat incredibly strong at such a young age is ridiculous to me and it drew me in even more.
But nothing can ever be easy and this was no different. After an amazing year and a half together we split up. It was sad but we both knew it was for the best. I dated other men, older than him, and none of them were any good. No one had the same amount of character as him. They were older in age but below him in maturity. So when I found myself single again and knew he was single, I asked him out as friends. We ended up sleeping together and not really dating but it felt right because neither of us wanted a relationship. I became pregnant during this time and I remember suspecting I was and then taking the test and being so happy the entire time. It wasn't the best timing or situation but it was his baby let me tell you, I'd wanted to have his babies from the second I saw him lol. I wondered how he'd react to the news though since he wasn't in a great place. I studied his face as I said the words "You're gonna be a daddy" and he went from shock to the biggest smile. He'd always wanted a daughter and I'm convinced he willed our baby to become a girl. I'll never forget the mornings we'd wake up and he'd ask "How are my girls today?". I'll never forget the nights I'd wake up and hear him talking to her about eveything from The Beatles to that night's hockey game.
Now we're about two and a half weeks away from an entire year together. It blows my mind where we've been. It's not always been easy but he's always been sure that this is where we're meant to be and that, even if it's just for now, that's how it's supposed to be. He's become such an wonderful father. I always knew he would be but he has grown so much more than I think he realizes. There's surprisingly little for us to argue about anymore. Every day is some sort of new adventure. There's no order or routine at all in our household. It's constant chaos but somehow he always finds a way for us to be alone. I can't explain exactly why I love him. I can list the reasons for days; he's a beautiful person, he's gorgeous, he's incredibly smart, he challenges me, he spoils me rotten lol All those are good but it's more this force that draws me to him and it's something I've never felt before with anyone else. He surprises me constantly in so many ways. Even when I feel like I know him or I know everything about him, he throws a total curve. I love it. And I love him more than I could ever put down in words. He makes me laugh and if I had to choose one thing that would keep us in it for the long haul, that would be it. He finds humor in absolutely everything, no matter how dire the circumstance seems to be. He's one of those people that once you meet him, you love him. He makes your life better just by being in it. There aren't many of those walking around nowadays. Sometimes I can't believe how blessed I am."