So...this happened...
G: So what are you gonna do?
Me: I don't know. Sleep on her and make a decision tomorrow.
Me: *It. Sleep on it lol
G: LOL. God I wish I had your life. Responsible-ish parent by day, manwhore by night.
Me: LOL. I'm livin' the dream, G. That makes me sound like a superhero. And my Batsignal is a flashlight shining through a colored condom.
G: LMAO.
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My teenager finished the school year with a 4.0. #Winning
Me: And hey, I have one smart kid, so there's that.
W: Huzzah!
Me: I'm gonna get one of those annoying, "My child is an honor student" bumper stickers and put it on the ass of all my jeans.
W: LOL. Attention whore.
Me: lol I may not get the chance again!
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Who can work Mariah Carey into a conversation about a cookie/brownie hybrid thing that is as close to Jesus as I'll ever come? That's right, we can.
Me: I'm gonna do a music video devoted to that cookie thing. Me sitting on a pier in a tube top, watching it and I sings to it, I sings, "Oh, when you walk by e'ery niiiight, lookin' sweet and lookin' fiiine, my inner fatty comes aliiiiiive".
Me: Oh cookie, I'm so into you, brownie if you only knew, all the dirty things in my miiiind.
Friend: LOL. Please do.
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That one time I gave advice...
Me: I'm gonna tell you what you told me when I needed to make some decisions. If this chick is treating you badly and doesn't want to listen to the truth, you gotta decide if you should pick up your marbles and go home.
Her: From her texts, she is fixing to chuck my marbles at me.
Me: lol Well then preserve your dignity and push her down the slide face first, then run away.
Her: LOL. I fuckin' love you.
