I don't watch Fox News (EVER), so I didn't see the Duggar interview that aired this evening and set Twitter on fire. I did, however, read the cliffnotes and have some thoughts.
~ Josh Duggar is 27-years-old, a father of almost four and a husband. Why the hell is he not the one on TV talking about what happened in his youth and doing the apology tour? It's not like he has a job to take up his time anymore since he was fired (sorry, "resigned") from his post as king of the hatemongers in Washington. Just because these things happened in his youth does not mean he gets a pass on speaking about them now that they've come to light in adulthood. Man up, do what's best for your own young family and talk about why you did it, whether you believe your parents failed you in not getting you help sooner and why you felt fine about going in on gays and everyone else who is a supposed "deviant" when you knew what you'd done in the past. And furthermore, tell us how you'd handle it if one of your sons did something like that to their sisters. Would you cover it up just like mom and dad? Probably.
~ Earlier today, news broke that the parents failed even more spectacularly than we originally thought. Allegedly, the son came to them after the first molestation incident and they did not punish him. He came to them after a second incident took place and, again, they did not punish him. It was only after the third incident of molestation, which happened with his then-5-year-old sister, that they "punished" him by sending him to do manual labor at a friend's house. What does that tell the older victims? That their incidents did not matter? That it wasn't truly wrong until he went after a much younger child? How awful. I still firmly believe anyone who has as many incidents as this person did, and with at least one victim who was that young has serious issues that go beyond "youth sins," as many of the Duggar supporters claim this to be. But it's also not like the parents did any of the kids any favors by not taking this ish seriously. By not punishing him after the first incident, they created a culture of, "Well, it's not that big of a deal" and did not do all they could to prevent future abuse. The parents are firmly to blame for every incident that occurred after that first one. Molestation is extremely disturbing, and clearly the son was disturbed by having done it since he confessed. You don't know that he won't do it again, and it's bad enough he did it once, you should've gotten him help right then and prevented the rest of the girls from being touched.
~ They seem to think that the abuse wasn't really all that bad since the girls were all asleep when it happened and supposedly didn't even know anything had happened until mom and dad told them. And yet, and yet, two of the girls also did an interview with Fox News and referred to themselves as victims. While technically true, I have a feeling that mom and dad didn't encourage the use of the word, 'victim' until this story broke two weeks ago. I'm sure there was plenty of forgive and forget and, "Well, it's your fault that you tempted him" going on up until this point. Both one of the girls and the parents actually said, 'it wasn't rape or anything', as if that makes it all better. The scale of sexual assault is wide and not just a case of either under the clothes molestation or actual rape. The definition of sexual assault is, "The sexual exploitation, forcible penetration, or an act of sexual contact on the body of another person, male or female, without his or her consent.". If someone is asleep, they obviously cannot consent. If someone is 5-years-old, they obviously cannot consent. And that youngest victim is what sticks in my craw about this family trying to play it off as no big deal. "He was curious about girls" was another phrase uttered, but when you touch a child who is that much younger than you, it is more than just curiosity.
~ For those not familiar with some of the Duggars beliefs, they are of the mind that people should wait until marriage to have sex. Even more extreme, their children are not allowed to hold hands, hug, kiss or be alone with anyone of the opposite sex that they may be "courting". They can hold hands once they're engaged, but everything else has to wait until after the wedding. My question is how can you tell who a person really is or what kind of person they are when you've only ever been around other people. We're all well behaved when we're around others. Also, this "religion" preaches that women are less than men, they are not to work outside the house and they are not to use any form of birth control so they can bear as many children as possible. So...don't do nothin' until you're married and then do it all the damn time so you have crazy amounts of kids. This has to have an awful effect on the psyche of these kids. They're growing up in such a sexually repressed environment, they can't even access the internet on their own until they're adults, that it's not super surprising something like this happened. Kids are curious, they're going to get to an age where they're curious about sex and how you talk to them about it (or don't) shapes their views on it for the rest of their lives. If you teach that it is something sinful and only for baby making, that's how they will view it going forward. Healthy sexuality is so important and at 14, the oldest son should've already had 'the talk'.
~ When all of this took place, I believe the Duggars already had a big family that included 14 children. They now have nineteen and tried for a twentieth. Here's a question - if you have fourteen kids and roughly half of them are involved in molestation, then why would you continue to have children? Clearly you're not paying enough attention to what's going on under your own roof already. The answer isn't to keep having kids. I understand birth control is supposedly against their religion and all, but part of being a parent is knowing when to say 'enough'.
~ The parents claim that they acted on the molestation by banning some games and setting new ground rules for all of the children, like no more hide and seek and boys and girls couldn't be alone together. So you punish all of the children, except the one who is actually doing the molesting. I must have missed that chapter in parenting class.
~ During the interview, the parents firmly planted their flag in the corner of their eldest child, the one who committed the crimes against his sisters. As if that weren't enough, they referred to him by name just about every time they spoke of him, yet referred to the rest of the children, including the victims, as, "the other ones". They love Josh and they "love the other ones too". Seriously, they said that. Why would ANYONE want to be associated with their parents if they, A) Do nothing about molestation that was clearly more than a one time mistake, and B) Can't even be bothered to refer to you by name as they defend the person who violated you on national television. The answer? Brainwashing, my friends. These kids are trained to always put on a happy face and act like everything is fine. It's not surprising to me that two of the victims spoke out themselves, I'm sure the parents goaded them into it for the good of the brand. There were only five girls in the family at the time this all happened, and four of them were molested so we all pretty much know who the other two are. One is not old enough to "court", but the other one is and I reckon those two not speaking have to do with the fact that they've not yet been auctioned off to the right religious crazy and any mention that they may be "damaged" could harm their chances. And that's sickening. This whole situation has brought to light just how sheltered and fucked over by their parents this kids have been. Raising children is not supposed to be about having your own little army of clones who think, act and believe the way you do. There's this thing called free will that we all, in theory, have and should be able to use whenever we feel like it. But these kids have never, and likely will never, have that. They are to become exactly the kind of people their parents want them to be, and nothing more. What parent wants their child to go from their house to the house of a husband/wife, without living any other kind of life or having any experiences that take them outside their comfort zone?
~ Hypocrisy. That's the biggest issue a lot of people have with this whole situation. Yes, it's awful that girls were molested by their brother, and it's awful that a 14-year-old went to his parents as he struggled with an apparent compulsion to violate others and his parents did nothing to stop the behavior. But this would not be as big of a story if not for the misguided, hateful ish this family has used their reality platform to promote the last decade or so. Gay marriage is a sin. Being gay is a sin (so much so that the mother got a gay crew member fired from the show). Transgender folks are pedophiles who will come for your kids. And all the while, they all knew there was a, presumably straight, male child molester in their midst. How do you reconcile in your brain that it's worse for a man to lay with another man than it is for your teenage son to fondle your 5-year-old daughter? That is seriously fucked up.
~ Why have a reality show when you know this is in your family history? Well, there are plenty of families on TV with reality shows who have something unsavory in their past, every family does. But it's probably not of this magnitude. The Duggar's answer to that question is that they were under the impression the juvenile record was sealed and would never come to light and thus had no qualms about being on reality TV. The irony there is that if they'd actually taken action when things happened, the son would likely have gotten therapy and no jail time and then the record would've actually been sealed. But because this was purely allegations and interviews, it is not protected, even if the perp was a minor. So I don't really buy this, "We did all we could" victim mentality the parents have taken. You did not. If I found out my child was hurting anybody else in such a serious way, and especially my other kids, that ish would be handled by law enforcement all the way. And that would be the case even if jail time were a possibility. By not doing that, they essentially condoned the behavior and that's why he kept doing it. I firmly believe a large part of the reason why they did not turn him in immediately is because they knew counseling with someone outside of their church would be a requirement of any punishment he might receive. And Fonz forbid someone who hasn't been bathed in the Kool-Aid try to rehabilitate your misguided, sex offender son.
~ The last thing that struck me is the family trying to minimize everything by claiming the girls are being more victimized by all of this coming to light than they were during the actual molestation. That's...well, crap. I'm sure it is quite stressful for this to have come to light, but I'd bet it's not as bad as hearing your parents tell you that your brother felt you up repeatedly in your sleep (if that's what actually happened). But telling us they're being victimized all over again is simply a ploy to remove people's attention from their lack of parenting and the fact that the perpetrator is not man enough to speak out for himself.
Will TLC keep the Duggars on the air? I'd put my money on, 'Yes'. The show will change in some way when it returns, but I'm sure all the people who believe this to be a minor offense by a young kid will still tune in. And it is sickening and shocking how many people believe this to have been a minor incident. I don't have any desire to socialize with people who think a 5-year-old child being fondled is no big deal. For the sake of his children, I hope Josh Duggar truly is a changed human being. But...we'll never know for sure, will we?
