My 16-year-old niece is in the midst of her first almost-relationship with a boy. And, as is the case in most relationships, she's already annoyed by him. This is a girl who up until now has been totally devoted to her passion and what she wants to be someday, so her even liking a guy enough to want to go out with him took her by surprise. But she's realizing that the dude doesn't seem to know how to return a message, and it's working her nerves. She texts him or leaves a voicemail and he doesn't respond for hours or even a day. She's already not sure where they stand so all of this only makes her more confused about the situation. And that's also annoying her. She asked me if this type of behavior changes once people become adults and I literally laughed out loud. No. No, it does not. Ah, to be blissfully unaware of wait awaits us in adulthood.
I'm beginning to think texting etiquette is a genetic trait, implanted in us whether texting was a thing when we were born or not. My mom is quite vocal about her annoyance when people don't return her texts immediately. If you take two hours to return my aunt's text, she assumes you're dead and says as much. My cousin is the most impatient return text awaiter I've ever known (I swear, 30 seconds is like 25 seconds too long). It's an instant gratification society and my family is not only on that train, they're probably the conductors of it. By comparison, I don't ask much when it comes to returning messages. If I know the person will get back as soon as they get a minute, I'm good. I have a few friends who are terrible at keeping in contact, yet still make the effort to return my messages whenever possible. And even when they don't, it doesn't annoy me too much because I know them so well. The thing that I can't stand is when I'm engaged in a conversation with someone and they just disappear off the face of the earth. I've learned that is one of my bigger pet peeves. If a serious talk is in order and it has to be done via text, don't start a convo that you can't finish. And if it's an unforeseen incident that prevents it from finishing, pick it up ASAP the next day. That's how I've always understood these things to work, that's how it works with most people I know. But it took me a long time to realize that some people just don't care about any of that. When they perceive the convo finished, they go on their merry way and fuck you and anything else you have to say or anything you need to have worked out. It's not their problem, it's yours. Here's the thing though, it is their problem, and it's not yours. If someone doesn't see the point in taking a convo to completion, especially if they're well aware that that's what you need, then that's on them. Don't concern yourself with how others handle their ish because it can both baffle and infuriate you at times.
Someone posted something to my FB wall the other day that said, "Fall in love with someone who always returns your texts and never lets you go to bed feeling unwanted". And is that ever on target. Especially since all you can do sometimes is send your support or love via a message or a call. If someone can't be bothered to respond to you or always leaves you feeling unwanted or like they really don't care, then accept where they stand and move on. You need positive, loving, caring people in your life who know your value and treat you like they understand your worth. It's highly possible this kid is just young and immature and nothing more, but even if that's the case, consider whether or not you're willing to put up with even that. Know your limits, Miss R.
