My best friend wrote this on her blog last week and I decided to post it here because it's about a topic that's been on my mind lately. She's also 'challenged' me to explore it more from ny angle so we'll see how it works out.
'Single Mother of One
I am a proud single parent. So are two of of my male friends as well as the father of my child. I have recently concluded that the three of them are seen as more attractive to the opposite sex because of their single daddy status. They're all deserving of the attention (not to mention numbers) they get. They're all wonderful men and doting father (to daughter, no less ladies!) I understand the staring.
What about me, you ask? The (gorgeous lol) twenty-something (shut it Ace lol) woman that actually carried and delivered this miracle into the world? Nada. I seem to be considered 'damaged goods'. I haven't even been back on the dating scene for very long and I'm already finding the pickins slim. So let us run through the basic types of men I have come across (so far, God help me if there are more, worse types) in my adventures, shall we?
Type 1: The (Seemingly) Great Guy - (Side note: I am now a firm believer in saying that I have a child fairly soon into the date. But I didn't do that with this one who was the second guy I dated post-baby) The seemingly great guy is one that is good looking, single and not a player. Your basic good guy on the lookout for a great girl. He opens doors and is polite and intelligent. He's the kinda guy you woulda been all up on in your pre-baby days. But then you mention that you have a child and he suddenly tunes out and the once great date date fumbles.
What you said: 'I have a child'
What he heard: Either A) 'She must want more kids like tomorrow. Get out while you can man!!' or B) 'Oh she already had someone else's baby...gross'
================
Type 2: The Wannabe Savior - This is the man who sees a single mother as 'the little woman' and her child as 'the deprived baby'. He sees himself completing the picture and saving these poor souls from their (supposed) sad, single existence, primarily in a financial way. An instant family, if you will. He also believes they should be eternally grateful for this. After all, who else would want them but him? Who else would save them if not for him? He believes he's the only man on earth who could ever give you what you wnat/need.
What you said: 'It can be hard being a single parent'
What he heard: 'I can't afford to give my child much of anything and I need a man to make us a family.'
================
Type 3: Mr. ASSumption - You know this guy single Mamas. You've probably dated a few of this type, at least. He's the one who seems nice enough at the start but who assumes that you can't/won't do anything fun because you're a mom. He believes that your life somehow stopped when you became a mother. He assumes you must be socially retarded in some way because you must spend your days immersed in all things baby and have no time to keep up with current events of any kind. And forget about doing anything fun in the bedroom because you can't now that you're a mom. Raunchy kinky sex? Nope cuz she's got a kid and probably thinks it's inappropriate. Party weekend in Vegas? Nope cuz she'll probably wanna bring along the rugrat.
What you said: 'I love to drink every once in and awhile'
What he assumes: 'She probably means juice boxes'
====================================================
Contrary to popular belief fellas, not all single mothers talk about their children every minute of every day. Nor do we all go back into the dating world looking for someone to father our future children asap. And we certainly don't all lose who we are as women once we give birth. In fact, we have a better handle on who we are and what we want because we gave birth. (Unfortunately for some of you since we usually want men and not boys by this point) Oh and you know what we had to do in order to have babies in the first place? S-E-X. And some of us are still damn good at it. And if you guys weren't soooooo focused on our kids and freaking out about how we must want more, you'd see that single moms are quite possibly some of the best catches out there. We're self-sufficient, loving and non-clingy. And if you can handle that you will not be our entire world and you can be, oh I don't know, a GROWN-ASS MAN about it all, then a single mom just might be for you.'
