By now you've likely seen this study that came out about the joys of parenting being a myth. If not, this study basically says that there is little joy in parenting and people with kids have to lie to themselves on a daily basis to avoid falling into depression (or something to that effect). I'm not denying at all that kids are difficult. They're expensive (an estimated $190,000 to raise a child to age 18), they're needy and they try your patience in ways you never knew possible. What is at all appealing about all that, right? I'm sure a lot of people, especially teenagers these days, idealize having a baby. They seem to think a child will be something that's 'mine' and someone who will love you unconditionally for the rest of your life. And, if you do your job correctly (and believe me, it is a job), your kids will love you unconditionally and will want to be your friend once they reach adulthood. But before any of that happens you have to make it through them being infants (high maintenance), toddlers (somehow even higher maintenance), tweens (whatever the hell that is), and teenagers (less maintenance than toddlers but more mouthing off). Yeah, that doesn't sound like any fun at all.
Growing up I always thought I'd someday have kids (I believe the ideal number was 3) and I wanted to get married and start having kids in my early 20's. Then I reached my early 20's and my career became more important than my personal life, forget about bringing kids into the equation. Then came the height of my selfishness and I decided it was too cruel/scary a world to bring kids into and that I didn't want them at all. Did I worry that my life would be somehow unfulfilled without kids? Not really. My nieces and nephews really were enough for me and I woulda been 100% fulfilled had that been as far as my parenting experience went. Nieces and nephews are all the fun of having a kid with far less responsibility, what's not to love about that? But life has a way of making up its mind for you and that's what happened when the twist in my story that is my daughter came along.
There's some kind of stigma in our society about people who don't want to have kids. Like they must be lacking as human beings because they don't want to take on the task of raising another human being. But not everyone who likes and/or has children is up to that task anyway. A lot of people try to fit the kid into their lives, as opposed to changing their lives for the kid. I don't think not wanting kids makes you a bad person, some people just know they aren't meant to be parents. I used to think I was one of those people because I don't think my restlessness is a good trait for a parent to have. But I've somehow managed to override that restlessness as I've grown into parenthood. So we've established that kids are difficult and high maintenance and that even though your being responsible for them technically ends at 18, you'll never stop being a parent and being concerned for their well-being. And having done that whole legal guardian thing with my teenager, I can say this is 100% true.
But all I could think about while I was reading the results of this survey was that I couldn't relate to the results at all. Yes, my daughter sometimes tries my patience. But I can't say that I don't truly enjoy 98% of what being a dad entails. Granted, a lot of people in this survey likely had more than one kid and that's probably a contributor to some of their feelings about the job. Am I less happy now than before I was a parent? Nope. I actually think I'm happier since she came into my life. I don't know if it's because of the near-death thing or because it's just in my nature but the little mundane, annoying tasks of having a kid just don't bother me much. I know that my being here at all to have her is a huge blessing. I have stated that I don't feel the need to have anymore kids, but it's not because I think I'd be unhappier if I did. My daughter is without question the great love of my life and I can't imagine myself without her. If she's the only child I'm ever meant to have, that's fine by me. If there are more in the cards down the line, that's fine too. Either way I know I'm always going to be 1000% appreciative of the parenting experience, even if it's not always a pleasant one.
