My cousin's wife was telling me something about a survey that was taken asking people what they think of women who keep their last names after getting hitched. Apparently it's taken every 10 years or so and the number of people who frown upon a woman keeping her maiden name has increased in the past ten years. Seriously? It's more common now than ever for someone to keep their name or hyphenate their name or even come up with a new name together (although that last one is far less common and weirds me out a bit, but to each their own). I don't see why it's anyone else's business, to be honest. Most of the women I know who have gotten married have kept their maiden names, at least professionally. My cousin's wife has done this for the past decade and it hasn't been a big deal. My sister has said several times she would keep her maiden name if she ever married her partner and their kids have both of their names (although they only use his). And another cousin who married one of my best friends put off her decision about a name change for a year before finally deciding to drop her middle name, move her last name over and take his name. You do what works for you.
I think my perspective on this is slightly different though because my own name is a product of an unconventional arrangement. My grandparents had a lot of stuff trying to get between them when they got married; he was a Baptist, she was Catholic and he converted prior to marriage. (In hindsight, we all wish they'd taken grandpa's religion). Even bigger than the holy factor though was the racial one - grandma was Mexican and grandpa was white. And this was in the early to mid-50's when interracial stuff of any kind was really a no no. My great grandparents were not thrilled with the addition of a white son-in-law in what had, up until then, been an all Native American and Mexican family. My grandparents couldn't even have an actual wedding because of the supposed "shame" and were married by a Justice of the Peace in the dude's living room. Grandpa wanted to make things as easy as possible and suggested ditching his very white last name in favor of adopting the very Spanish family name. I guess this move eased tensions a bit and thus, that is how I got my last name (my mom gave us all her name, not our father's, and rightfully so). And it kinda worked out because it's a better reflection of my heritage than grandpa's name would have been since I'm only about a quarter of what he was. His last name is still in the family though; my cousin used it as her son's middle name and one of my uncles changed his name (the one who doesn't come around all that often).
If I were to ever take a walk down an aisle not located in a grocery store, I would have no expectations for what my Mrs. would do about her last name. I've heard of dudes pressuring their wives to take their name and even going so far as to say they will not marry them unless they agree to the change. Seriously? This is not the caveman era anymore. I can't believe some chicks actually give in to that pressure. If changing a name is a deal breaker then you have problems, my friend. It doesn't mean she's any less committed than you are or that she wants to distance herself from you and the marriage. Names are our identities and some women live with their last names for decades before they get married. It's hard to part with anything after that much time. All that said, I tend to be drawn towards women who are very independent and most of them said at one point or another that they would not change their names, or they would hyphenate. Change or no change, it's the actual relationship that's important. And as long as you're both comfortable with it, it shouldn't be a big deal.
