...Stop me if you've heard this one before. So after that whole thing the other day not only did she refuse to apologize, but she proceeded to hang up yet again because she was "offended" by something I said. WE texted sparingly for most of the day and then I got word this morning that my brother has been hospitalized for the second time in a week. Both times have involved seizures related to his brain tumor and now there's some discussion about him having surgery soon. I made the mistake of mentioning all of this to her and she was supportive and wanted to talk about what was going on. Things weren't okay (they never are between us) but at least we weren't arguing and she got that I was stressed and chose not to add to that stress. Until this evening, that is. Although I guess it began in the afternoon when she said she wanted to come hang out with me while I awaited news on my brother. I was working and really not in a good mood so I declined the invite and told her I wasn't hanging with anyone because I had to get some work done and that was my way of coping with things. Miss Drama has to take it personally, claiming it was as if I'd said I didn't want to see her specifically during this time. I told her I had zero energy to fight with her and she let it go. Then we talked tonight and she had to go for "a few", which always means like twenty minutes with her. This time it was more like an hour and while she was gone a couple of friends called me and I talked to each for awhile. Both friends are female and I've known one since junior high and the other for about a decade. I text both on a daily basis and talk to one every week or so and the other one every couple of weeks. They're both most definitely a part of my inner circle, which includes friends and family, all of whom I text throughout a typical day.
When I got back on the phone with Drama she asked if I had talked to anyone else about the bro situation and I mentioned that I'd talked to the junior high friend. Things took a very unexpected turn when she started asking how often I talk to this person. I consider talking on the phone or in person and texting to all be covered under the umbrella of "talking" so I said we talk about three times a day. Her definition of talking does not include texting so she took that to mean we talk on the phone three times a day and began reacting as if that was what I said. She said that was excessive for someone I wasn't dating and then proceeded to ask why we weren't together, since we talk so much and seem so compatible and all. I told her it was a ridiculous question, this is one of my best friends who is practically married to another of my best friends and that I don't feel like I should be punished for keeping close relationships with the people I love. She claimed to not be telling me who I should and shouldn't talk to but it was clear that was her motive. She said I should go be with this friend and we should be happy, etc and I was thrown. It made no sense. Then she asked why my last relationship ended and I told her it was complicated, firmly committed to not contributing to her fantasies about me and other chicks. She continued on this path anyway and I slowly started to realize this was "that" conversation; the one where one party insinuates goodbye in an attempt to get the other party to take it the rest of the way. Part of me was in total disbelief that she would do this today of all days but the other part was thinking, 'yeah, that's about right'. She can never see beyond her own problems or tiny little inconveniences, it's always about her. She didn't even take the convo halfway towards a goodbye, she got to about 35% and I was done. I brought us to the end in record time, telling her I couldn't believe how she'd started this convo and how heartless she was to essentially try to dump me while my family is in crisis. She claimed she never tried to dump me and I was flabbergasted. It's like that thing that gives us our perception of a reality is completely lacking in her brain. She'll say or do something hurtful and then not remember it at all ten minutes later. There was a guy in the movie "50 First Dates" they called Ten Second Tom because he had memory issues and could only remember ten seconds worth of stuff. May as well call her Ten Second Tammy cuz the same rule seems to apply.
Things got even uglier when she told me she had wasted two years of her life on me (which isn't even true. She first messaged me on a dating site in January of last year and we exchanged maybe two emails at that time. We fell out of contact until maybe May and didn't get serious-ish until the summer so it's a year and a half at the most). That pissed me off and I made a comment about how she could "waste" the next two years of her life and the waterworks began. No emotion whatsoever the entire convo until that moment, which was telling but not surprising. She went all uber-drama and said she didn't want to know me anymore and that I "wasn't human" for having said what I did and I told her to look in a mirror if she wanted an example of someone who lacked basic human qualities. Then I made her dream of not knowing me a reality and hung up. But she continued to text, same way she always does. She asked me to call her back and I refused. Eventually she said that the one thing she didn't mean to say was that she'd wasted her time with me but it was too late. I was so far out the door and down the block at that point that a search party couldn't have found me and brought me back. I knew this was it so I told her she could call if she had anymore to say and then she said something that gave me the best laugh I've had all day. She says to me, she says, "I have nothing to say to you on the phone until you apologize for what you said to me". I literally laughed out loud and told her she must be joking and said goodnight. She replied with goodbye and a few minutes later sent another text that said she did have a heart and it was broken. Not my problem anymore.
I am an incredibly loyal person and once I think you is good people, it takes a rather monumental fuck up to get me to change my mind about that. But once that fuck up happens, I will be done with you. No amount of apologies or backtracking will change it. I felt myself hit that tonight when she started trying to steer me towards other women, but it was made official when I realized she was ending things. I really don't care if you dump me but to do it during a crisis is incredibly cruel and makes me question everything about our time together. How can you be that damn selfish and still claim to love me in the same breath? I don't understand that. She said she thought I hadn't felt the same way about her in a long time and on that she was correct. I haven't felt the same way the past year or so but that hasn't been a secret to her, especially since we've been on and off. And I highly doubt she ever was in love with me and I'm sure she isn't now because you don't fuck over somebody you love like this. I'm sure more revelations will come to me as I process all of this but what I'm left with now is this question of whether or not there really is something wrong with her. She always talks about her mother and brother being a bit messed up in the head because of things in their past but I don't think they're the only ones. She doesn't grasp things the way normal people do. It isn't my issue anymore but it still seems so bizarre to me. You say you wasted your time on me and try to ditch me and then have the stones to ask ME for an apology? That doesn't make sense. But it's a dissection for another time. We'll see if she resurfaces tomorrow...
