I Must Be Too Dumb To Be Proud

A few days ago this person I was most recently romantically involved with texted me in the midst of all the Hurricane Sandy drama. I'm still not sure what the aim was but it was under the guise of her wanting to make sure I was okay and prepped and so on. I was a bit concerned because she lives in Lower Manhattan and they were expected to (and did) get hit rather hard, so we talked for a few. And, of course, she had other major drama going on and I got sucked in yet again. Why I cannot fully extricate myself from this nightmare of a situation is beyond me at this point. Even when it does "end", it's never really over. But I know it has to be sooner rather than later or it's going to literally cause me to self-destruct. Most of our conversations anymore leave me with my blood boiling in a way it rarely has in the past and that's not healthy. On top of the hurricane issues, her youngest brother had gone missing for two days. He didn't show up for a scheduled visit with his daughter and then proceeded to cease all contact with everyone in his life. She was worried something terrible had happened and both she and her mother were already on the alarmist path, but I never had a doubt he was just on a bender. Still, as I always do when it comes to her family, I kept my suspicions to myself. The night before the hurricane hit we texted before bed and she kept saying she wanted me with her in case she got bad news about her brother, who I assume has since turned up and is just fine since she hasn't mentioned him again. I wasn't in the city and had no intention of venturing out until the storm was over, especially not to a place that was going to be hit hard. The next day the weather took a turn as Sandy started heading towards us and just about everything was closed or about to close, including many modes of transportation. Some cabs were still running though and even as late as four o'clock on Monday she was trying to get me out to be with her. "You can still get a cab if you leave now," she said - in a damn hurricane that is projected to be one of the worst in history. Hell. No. If we were 100% in this and together then I would already be with you but we're on the shakiest ground known to man right now. I chose to stay put but she checked in during the storm to make sure all was okay. Apparently she spent that evening at her house with a friend's dog and her place was one that had power cut to it (and still does). She tried to guilt me into coming to see her even after the storm by continuously throwing out there that she'd been alone and insinuating she shouldn't have been and it was my fault that she was. I didn't take the bait. She hiked uptown to stay with a friend who does have power and has been camped out there ever since. I've been busy so I haven't checked in with her much and we all know she doesn't talk to me when she's around her friends so her texts have also been sporadic. Part of my sporadic...ness though is that I know this is the time to begin pulling away for good. Things are about to get very busy for me and I'm seriously considering spending the rest of my year back home with my family, which will hopefully aid in ending this. I'm not sure if she's still here because she actually cares about me or because I'm just her favorite sparring partner. But incidents like the past few days certainly don't make me wanna stick around.
The past few days all I have heard from her is how she's a "refugee", staying in a one-bedroom apartment along with five other people until power is restored to their homes. Obviously I am sympathetic to those who don't have power because it sucks and I know how dependent we all are on electricity. I also know what it's like to be displaced, not only because of my sublet this year but also because when I was a teenager my mom, sibs and I lived out of a hotel for about a month after we were evicted from our home. I understand how much it sucks to not be in your own bed but, as she is prone to do, she's turned it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Especially when you consider how many people lost their homes entirely, that have NOWHERE to go back to. I'm sympathetic but I keep things in perspective and on a grand scale, her displacement and lack of power is minor. Be thankful you have friends who will take you in and wait it out. She said she might move to another friend's house in my neck of the woods tomorrow and I cringed on the inside because I really don't want that to happen. I backed off a bit on the texting after she said that because I knew what was coming next; "If I do move out there, let's hang out". I don't want to have the conversation about ending things again and feel like meeting up would only lead to that and not much else so I'm trying to avoid it altogether. Last night she went to dinner with her friends and we didn't talk but she texted me throughout the evening. I noticed her texts seemed a bit scattered, which usually happens when she drinks so I asked if she had been drinking. She got offended and said she hadn't and went to bed. Today we sporadically texted again and then she asked this evening what I was doing. I didn't see the text at first and responded to something else she'd said and she came back with the same question, "What are you doing?". I just said nothing of note since all I was doing was working and didn't understand why she needed to know so badly. I asked her what she was up to and her reply was, "Nothing of value. Just surviving", and I had a feeling she actually had been drinking tonight. We talked on the phone for a few but once I confirmed she was (at least) tipsy I lost interest in the conversation. I'm the last one to toss around judgment about substances, but it's never been a secret that I don't like how much she drinks. It's less than it used to be (to my knowledge anyway) but it still irks me to talk to her when she's been drinking. Her personality changes and she gets very needy, constantly needing to be reassured of things (other times she just gets mean but she wasn't that tonight). Throughout the convo she kept repeating that she was on a couch and couldn't talk loud but the problem was that she wasn't talking at all. It was just dead air and I know that means she's passing out so I tried to get off the phone. That was met with, "Yeah, I know you want to go" and other melodramatic words. Finally I got her to say goodnight and I said the same and hung up. Imagine my surprise thirty seconds later when I got a text saying she's "so fucking sick" of me hanging up on her. Excuse me?? This was the second time today that she accused me of that, earlier we'd talked and I said 'bye' and then hung up and she claimed to not have heard it. Even though I was annoyed at the latest accusation, I called her back to give her the proper goodbye she had supposedly never gotten. Suddenly, with the prospect of a fight on the horizon, she perked right up and was all kindsa talkative. Then she has the cojones to next that if I tell her I said goodbye then I'm "kidding" myself. Game. On. I told her she wasn't exactly the most reliable source about who said what given her drunkenness and the way she was repeating shit. That launched her into a tirade about how dare I not want to talk to her after she's been drinking after all I've put her through in the past. Because that's the card she always has at the ready. I started to say something but she hung up on me. And I didn't call back. I have no desire to. If she delivers an apology for accusing me of hanging up on her, then maybe we'll talk again. If she sticks by her story that her drunk off her ass recollection of events is more reliable than my sober one, then I have absolutely no desire to talk to her. It's an apology or bust and it really doesn't matter to me either way. I'm guessing there isn't one forthcoming though. Which will likely bring about our final end. Which is probably for the best.