Last year I went on a few dates with this chick who I really should've never engaged with. She reminded me of BP in more ways than one, and that should've been a sign. Things fizzled around the summer, but she resurfaced in the fall when a family member passed away. We talked for a couple of days and then she promptly ditched me and moved on again, having gotten some sympathy and who knows what else out of the brief contact. Things remained silent until a few months ago when she came back again out of the blue, talking about how she didn't realize how good we could've been for each other and how she wondered if I would be willing to give things a decent shot. Honestly, I was bored so I said why not and charged ahead. Big fat mistake. Within a week, it was obvious that things were not as they appeared to be. I had a few questions about her treatment of me last year, particularly why she decided to use me for emotional support. But she didn't like to talk about the past, not when she was at fault for it anyway, and dodged the questions, which only annoyed the hell out of me. I refused to actually date until we cleared the air and she refused to discuss it, so we arrived at an impasse. Then we got into an argument about it all where she lashed out at me and tried to make me at fault for everything that's ever gone wrong in her life and I went silent for a couple of days. She sent messages asking why I'd gone MIA and what "we" were doing, but she wasn't really apologetic about anything. Still, I wanted to put an end to things before I got sucked back in again so I gave her a call. And, big shock, things didn't end there.
She had to travel for work over the next month and a half and wanted me to go out to see her but I declined. And as soon as that happened, she tuned the fuck out. She didn't let me go, but she rarely spoke to me and yet seemed shocked that I wasn't banging down her door to speak either. She got back into town two weeks ago and we were in the midst of a conversation on a Friday afternoon when she asked what kind of label I would put on our relationship at the moment. I said probably acquaintances since we hadn't been able to hang out much and were still getting to know each other. She said she understood that and the convo went on a bit longer, then I asked if she had plans for the night. She said she had "an event", but nothing after that and I asked if she wanted to do something later. No reply. I texted later in the night and still got nothing and when I didn't hear from her by 1 the next day, I was concerned enough to call and see if she was okay. She'd mentioned not feeling well and I knew she had some lingering health issues. She sent the call to voicemail and texted that she couldn't talk at the moment and when I asked if she was okay, where she'd been, etc., and she gave cryptic and cold answers like, "I was just unavailable, I had people to see". Her demeanor was a total 180 from the person I'd been talking to the day before and it was very unnerving. I told her I'd been legit concerned something had happened to her and asked why she couldn't have just taken a few seconds to send something saying she was fine and got back, "You never said you were worried. Besides, we're just acquaintances anyway.". Suddenly I realized how that stick got up her ass - she was pressed over how I had characterized the relationship. I'd assumed she'd been with someone else all night and into the next day and that's why I hadn't heard from her and she confirmed it, saying she'd been hanging out with an ex (a married ex who was married when they "dated", but I digress). I didn't care who she spent her time with, it was the Jekyll and Hyde personality change that annoyed the fuck out of me. However, the fact that I didn't care if she was with someone else hit home for me that it wasn't going to work. If you're interested in someone in that way, you get jealous when they're with someone else in a romantic or physical way, and I just did not feel that at all.
For whatever reason, she actually engaged with me the following week and inquired about my life and when I next wanted to hang out, while simultaneously making comments about how she was in a place in her life where she wanted to work on herself so she could be ready for a hardcore relationship. I told her that maybe we should part ways because I'm past that stage of my life and into a place where I'm actually really for a relationship right now, but she didn't see things the way I did. She felt she could work on her ish while still being involved with me. I tuned out a bit after that convo because I saw the writing on the wall and then she laid into me for not asking her about her life and her days. But whenever I did do that, she went MIA in the middle of the convo, or whenever something came up between us that was not pleasant to talk about. Most people respond to messages the next day or as soon as they get a chance, but she never did respond to mine and that, combined with me still feeling some kinda way about her personality change the previous week, worked my nerves. She always had some excuse as to why she couldn't reply; her phone (VITAL for work) was locked in a restaurant and she couldn't retrieve it until 5 the next day, her friend was in the hospital and she was there all night (but the affliction was "no big deal"), she was in the shower (for 6 hours). The point of it was that even when she got her phone back, woke up from her overnight visit at the hospital or got out of the shower, she still never responded to a damn thing. All of her emergencies and shit were very timely, especially in the end where she couldn't speak because she was having work issues. Every time she sensed the end was near, something conveniently came up. Every. Time.
All of this pushed me to the breaking point. I don't need someone who never responds to messages, I don't need someone who tries to turn shit around on me when they're the one who can't make up their damn mind. And I certainly don't need some mean girl being nasty towards me whenever she feels like it. I tried to end things on Monday but she didn't reply until Tuesday afternoon, with yet another sob story about where she'd been. I wasn't convinced it was the truth (but then once you brand someone shady, everything they say and do becomes shady, right?), but I didn't tell her that. She asked me to chat that night at around 7 to clear the air about everything, not sure if she knew that my aim was to end things or not. But surprise, surprise, 7 came and went, as did 8 and 9 and I heard nothing from her. My messages went unanswered well into the next day and by then I was so steamed that I'd told her whatever was going on between us was finished and I was out. She responded with total shock but no explanation about what had been more important than a chat she had wanted to have. We both hopped on chat and she could not have been less engaged, barely responding and telling me she was simultaneously having a conversation with her neighbors. I made a quip about how she shouldn't even have asked to talk if she wasn't going to, you know, talk and she got pissy and lashed out at me before abruptly cutting things off because she got a phone call. Another timely phone call. What are the odds? That was where things stayed until this morning when I attempted to call and got no answer. Eventually, she bothered to say she was dealing with a financial issue and couldn't speak at all but maybe she could chat later on tonight if she didn't go out. By that time, I'd had the situation broken down for me by Agent W and decided enough was enough and I'd given her enough chances to say her own goodbye. I said what I needed to say and deleted her contact info. Out of sight, out of mind.
There's a difference between someone who wants you and someone who actually pursues you. This chick didn't comprehend that. She'd tell me one thing, go on about how she didn't want things to end, but she did nothing to prevent them from ending. If you supposedly don't want to lose me, then why aren't you doing the bare minimum to keep me? She'd say things to me like she'd been walking through my neighborhood with friends last week and thought of me as if it were some grand gesture. If you thought of me, why didn't I hear anything from you? If you were in my neck of the woods, why didn't you inquire about whether I was there too and available to grab coffee? Don't tell me one thing and then do another, I can't stand that shit. I don't care for how I allowed her to treat me but I'm wise enough to know that she's the reason it ended up the way it did. Even as it all came crashing down, she couldn't be bothered to care. If it's important, you make the time. If it isn't, you don't. Very simple, very black and white. I'm just glad to be done with the drama. Let some other fool deal the erratic behavior and convenient interruptions. I can do much better than that.
