I am being betrayed left and right by friends who once said they had no interest in marriage lining up to walk down the aisle. A and R, together for eons and eternally engaged, have set a June wedding date and the moment they told us about it was hilarious. Y, E, G and I were huddled on the floor for our monthly TV binge when A said she had some news and I'm sure we all immediately thought she was knocked up. But before any of us got come up with something smartassed, R jumped in and said they were finally getting married. The four of us who were just receiving this news sat there speechless, jaws agape, before I finally came up with, "But why?". They say that it just feels right and they're ready to be hitched. This news comes on the heels of last year's surprise Halloween nuptials between D and his longtime lady, neither of whom ever said a word about marriage in nearly a decade together and then suddenly announced they were doing the damn thing. D grew up in a war zone and I remember many conversations between us about how he never wanted to get married and felt no real need to have children. His Missus' parents also had a nasty divorce that put her off ever taking vows, yet here she is, an official Mrs.. What the hell, people?
I can count on one hand the number of people in my inner circle who always wanted to get married. I guess I just don't gravitate towards people who want that. I remember being surprised when my childhood friend R walked out the door of rehab and, less than a year later, walked right down an aisle with his longtime love. In my twenties, I felt like we were all in this together, we were all gonna stick it to the man and not have our relationships ruled by pieces of paper and ish. And now...now people be dropping like damn flies. But if you know me, you know I find upsides where none should exist and I've managed to do just that during all this misguided marriage fest. Observing these marriages from the outside has actually been fascinating. Dare I say, it's been an education.
R and his wife unexpectedly became pregnant less than a year into their marriage, which meant he went from hitting bottom as an alcoholic to being a new husband and father all within two years. But he's handled it beautifully and found a reason to stay on the straight and narrow for the long haul. His wife definitely captains the ship, but it's been thoroughly impressive to see R navigate all the changes in his life. I wouldn't have been able to do that. D and his new wife haven't had as easy a go of it, though. There's extensive history there; she was a cutter and had an eating disorder in her teens and he had some drug issues in his twenties. When they came together, it was a case of her being on an upswing and him being in a downward spiral, but they somehow made it work. They broke up and made up several times over the years, they've always had one of those relationships where too much togetherness breeds discontent (I will never understand such a thing, I get annoyingly close to the other person when I'm in love, but I digress). But when they split in 2010, he was disturbed by how quickly she seemed to move on and genuinely afraid it was the end. They got back together the following year and he went all in, fully committed to her. They decided to co-habitate a few years later and then came a proposal and a wedding, both happening in the same month. But by Christmas, it was obvious that not all was well. D said they were just having growing pains and they took some time apart (not a separation, just a week where they were in different places) and it seemed to help. But recently they began arguing about the one thing they never fought about in their entire relationship - his drugging and her cutting.
Though I may not understand the exorbitant amount of time D and his wife require apart in order to make their relationship work, I have always admired the way they both readily accepted each other's faults. Neither of them ever had to hide the struggles they'd been through and neither ever made the other feel bad about those struggles. He never hit full blown addict status, his struggles were similar to mine although his substance(s) of choice were different. She went into a rehab program in her early 20's to get better, and D did a very short stint in rehab as a condition of getting his job back, but his time was more a formality than anything else. Within a week of arriving, he knew that he would never touch the stuff again and he checked out. Neither of them have ever relapsed, so I was curious as to why they're arguing over something that should be largely insignificant at this point in both their lives. Apparently someone got in her ear about how substance abusers like D were more likely to relapse, more so than users who have done complete rehab stints, and now she suddenly thinks their marriage woes may trigger him. He finds that absurd since he doesn't even see relapsing as an option and he's more annoyed than anything else at this point. It was unfortunate to see that she may be using his past as a way of putting distance between them, but hopefully they work through it soon. I would hate to see everything they've built fall apart over things that are well in the past.
Once A and R take that long, lonely walk down the aisle, Y, E and myself will be the only non-married amongst the group. E is pushing 40 and desperately wants to get hitched and have kids, while Y and I seem to have settled into similar lulls where getting into new relationships just seems like too much work. But she's further down that rabbit hole than I am as I recently decided to actually apply myself when dating. The six of us have been a thing for close to 15 years now and I can't imagine any of us thought we'd end up where we are now. We certainly didn't see A and R ever really getting married. A was enamored with her high school sweetheart and planning their wedding during college when he dropped the bombshell that he didn't actually want to be married at all (adding extra drama to the whole thing - A's sister got knocked up by HS dude's brother. The pairing didn't last, but they now co-parent two kids, so A and her ex are aunt and uncle to the same youngins. Tres awkward.). That whole thing put her off marriage for a long time, to the point where she even considered turning down R's marriage proposal. And now they're gonna do it. And I am quickly running out of non-married friends, which just grinds my gears. So much for being in this together. Traitors!
