Nobody's perfect. That's the first thing you learn when you're in a relationship and the first thing you have to really accept for it to keep going. Sure, you start out and every little thing this person does is magic and everything they do just turns you on, but eventually you see the different sides and quirks of their personality. Some things are easier to live with than others. But if the relationship works out, these are things you may have to live with for the rest of your life. Then comes compromise. More than once I've compromised what I said I couldn't live with in a partner because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Of course it never is. You either can deal with it or you can't.
I'm always five minutes early when I have to be somewhere, I get that from my mom. When we were little, she always stressed how important it was to be timely and it's something we've all carried on with us throughout our lives. Years ago, I was dating somebody who could not be on time to a lifeboat if she were on the Titanic as it was sinking. It didn't matter if it was work or play, she apparently could not force herself to be on time. I'm not talking about being annoyed because your girlfriend has to try on one more outfit or fix her hair because of a bad hair day kinda late. She wouldn't even start to get ready until ten minutes or so before we had to leave and then, of course, as I was saying we needed to go she would be just finishing one part of her routine and we'd be very late sometimes. So I started lying to her. Not maliciously or anything. I just told her that from now on I'd tack on twenty minutes til the time we actually had to leave and see if that helped us any. It did, we were never late again from that time on.
When we started dating she was a smoker, and a bad one. But she knew I had asthma (at the time) and that I couldn't live with a smoker because it seriously aggravated my breathing issues. So, she did this whole hypnosis thing and she quit. It was easier than either of us thought it would be but whatever that dude did, it knocked the urge to smoke right outta her. It was great. But then it became a point of contention in the last months that we spent together. She would go out to lunch or whatever with her friends and every now and again come back smelling like smoke. That alone would make my asthma act up and then there'd be a minor arguement about the whole deal. I'd never try to control another human being, it's not possible. All I wanted was to not have to be around smoke or the smell or anything else having to do with it for my health. Did I want her to quit for her own health? Of course. Cancer already runs in her family, the last thing you want to do is tempt fate. It will bite you in the ass one day if you taunt it enough (I should know). She's still a smoker and still late everywhere she goes.
And of course I did things that she had to live with. But I couldn't tell you exactly what they were since she never really spoke up about them. Everything stayed bottled up and when it finally came to the surface, if it ever did, it resulted in a fight. I know we both made some mistakes but it's odd to look back and realize how much you've both changed, or reverted back to your old ways, since you broke up. Sometimes you think you'd be more compatible now, as opposed to back then, but when you really think about it, you realize your wants won't change. If anything were to happen now, it wouldn't work. I'm never gonna want to get married and live the life she always thought she would with me. She's never gonna wanna not get married. Maybe she needs that in her life. More power to her. We're friends and we don't talk as much as we used to but I still wish nothing but the best for her. She deserves it. And if she ever does get that chance to be a wife and/or mother, she's gonna be a good one.
