Adorably Dysfunctional and Incurably Stubborn

The title of this post are two terms that people I'm close to have used to describe me. I'm sure the dysfunctional part needs no explanation. Actually, the stubborn part probably doesn't either. So let's just move on from all that, shall we? I've been Googling the words 'blood disorders' for the past hour or so. Everyone's telling me not to do that because it's not going to help anything but I wanna know what this could be. Problem is there are so many things that this could be that I can't even take in all the information. From what I can tell, the worst case scenario is that I'm diagnosed with some form of leukemia, while the best case scenario is...well, that's less clear to me. There really are no "good" blood disorders. Best case scenario is I never get sick in the first place and I don't have to Google anything. But that's not an option anymore. And so I Google incessantly; when I can't sleep at night, when I get anxious during the day. I know it's not good and I know I shouldn't but that's where the stubborn part comes in. Something in me needs to know what I might be up against. All this not knowing is killing me. I can't say that enough. But I am looking at things through clearer eyes today, which is interesting since I had a hellish flight this morning and have gotten very little sleep today. I'm not upset anymore. I'm still a little sad, though I'm not sure why. I'm hopeful that tomorrow's barrage of tests brings at least a hint as to what may be wrong so I don't have to agonize like this for another two weeks. The way my emotions fluctuate from one hour to the next is crazy right now. I'm like a freakin' pregnant chick (though, thankfully, pregnancy has been ruled out as the cause of my issues). But I think it's just anxiety and I'm not dealing well with it. I need to calm down. I need to be optimistic and I need to not think about what it could be. Cuz that's not helping anybody. So that's what I'm gonna try to do now. I've already been forbidden from Googling and I'm gonna put my stubborn nature aside and actually listen to that advice this time. And we all know I'll still be as dysfunctional as I always was no matter what this turns out to be. So, to clarify; A) Be optimistic, B) Chill the hell out, C) Try and sleep, D) NO MORE GOOGLING.