I am now a few days into my new medication schedule and I seem to be doing better than I was when I first began. I'm still moody and I snap at people but I'm starting to find ways to reel myself in (whether that's cuz of my sheer stubbornness or cuz my body's getting used to the meds, I'll never know but I'll take it). Now that the medical crisis is (for the moment) in check, I have to turn my attention to figuring out what I wanna do to like make money and stuff. There are always options and offers to consider but nothing I can't really live without has presented itself yet. Maybe it's naive but I want whatever I do next to mean something. How I get from here to there is the question. I've had more than a few conversations recently about how I seem to be at a crossroads in just about every area of my life. It's kinda made me feel like a college kid who just graduated and has some grown up decisions to make. And it's got me thinking about all the coulda been career paths that have fallen by the wayside over the years.
I'm fortunate to have a family who has always encouraged me and let me know I could be whatever I wanted to be. My mom has always had a way of knowing exactly how to encourage all of her children do what they're passionate about. My brother fell in love with baseball at age 6 and she did whatever she could to make sure he could play. My sister and I have always been obsessed with music. I don't remember a lot about my childhood but I know that the first thing I wanted to be was a record producer. And mom went right to work on helping us achieve that goal. At age 3 I got my first kazoo and, as you know, that is an instrument I still hold near and dear. Six weeks later mom realized that kazoos annoyed the hell out of her and bartered with me to give mine up, which I did in exchange for a harmonica (I guess she found that slightly less annoying). When I was 6, I got a mini keyboard for Christmas that I still own to this day. It was secondhand and the sound wasn't great but I didn't care. A year later I got an electronic drum set (which my mom regrets to this day, though not as much as the kazoo) that I would play for hours every single day. A few years after that, my mom managed to get my sister and I a full sized keyboard that we fought over for the longest time. Then we got an electric guitar and an amplifier and a karaoke machine and it was all downhill from there.
I've always been a bit of a dreamer, even though it goes against everything a typical Taurean is supposed to be. I wanted to be twelve different things as a kid, sometimes all in one day. Doing something in music has always been on my radar but in middle school I decided I was gonna be a chef and go to culinary school. That went out the window when I fell in love with film after a twist of fate in high school. And all of those things are still a part of me; I still love to cook (some days) and I'm still obsessed with music. I guess the things I really love haven't changed much over the years. I've always loved to create and I still do and probably always will. Obviously I love to write but I don't know that I'm good enough to do that for a living. I like to help people but I'm not sure how to combine that with my love of creating. So I guess the general direction I wanna head in is there. I just need to figure out how to make it all come together and work out. It's a scary time but also a little liberating to be in this position. Who knew the year of 30 would present so many potentially life altering decisions?
