Gay Cousin: I just want the wedding over with already.
Crazy Aunt: You have to enjoy it, mijo. At least one of you wants to give me a wedding before I die...
Cousin: Um...you've had three weddings.
Crazy Aunt: You know what I mean! The rest of you don't care.
Me: Okay, it's not like you're dying or anything.
Crazy Aunt: You don't know. I could get hit by a bus or bitten by a rabid animal and that would be it.
Me: ...Where on earth would you get bitten by a rabid animal?
Crazy Aunt: The zoo maybe. I don't know.
Cousin: Zoo animals aren't rabid and I doubt you could scale their enclosures anyway.
Crazy Aunt: Fine, then...on a safari.
Me: LOL. Yeah cuz you go on soooo many safaris.
Crazy Aunt: The point is, I could catch fire right now and you'd feel guilty that you never married while I was alive.
Me: Fire? A minute ago you were being mauled by a rabid animal while on safari!
Crazy Aunt: I don't like your sass. And yes, you would feel guilty!
Me: Okay fine, if you caught fire from a rabid animal bite while on safari, I would feel guilty for never having gotten gay married while you were alive.
Cousin: LMAO. All bases covered.
Crazy Aunt: That's all I asked for, mijo.
