Friend: Don't forget you have to wear an ugly sweater to this party.
Me: I don't own an ugly sweater.
Friend: You can make one.
Me: I don't wanna make an ugly sweater.
Friend: Fine, then just wear a sweater so you don't look like a total nerd.
Me: I don't own a sweater.
Friend: Okay smartass,..then why don't you just show up in Magic Mike chaps and an open leather vest and show off your assets.
Me: I'll buy a sweater.
Friend: LOL. Well, there goes the holiday cheer I promised all the ladies at the party.
Me: lol I knew it. I wasn't a guest, I was the entertainment.
Friend: lol Can't blame a girl for trying. Do you really not own a sweater?
Me: No ma'am. I don't like long sleeves in general but sweaters are too constricting.
Friend: Huh. So if I let you wear short sleeves to the party...where do you stand on a Speedo?
Me: LOL. I'll buy a sweater AND pants.
Friend: lol Damn. Okay, what about sex with strangers?
Me: ...Are you trying to hire me as a prostitute for your party?
Friend: No. I mean, not if that offends you.
Me: LMAO. I might not wanna go now...
Friend: LOL. Oh, it'll be fine. Just ignore the jar of condoms on the table and make sure to throw your keys in the bowl.
Me: LOL. Well, I don't wanna be an ungracious guest so I will comply.
