I recently had to exchange my beloved Galaxy S5 for another, thus far not-so-beloved Galaxy S5.
Me: I love Galaxy. It should have stayed loyal to me yo.
Her: That's what you get for not treating your phone very well.
Me: 'Scuse you, I was good to Galaxy. I treated it better than I've ever treated any of my womensz. #Bazinga
Her: LMAO. You sir, are a catch.
I later relayed this convo to Crazy Aunt before my departure.
Me: I said I treated it better than I treat my women lol
Crazy Aunt: Well yeah, mijo. Of course. Because you're committed to the phone.
Me: LOL. You're right. Verizon got me on lock for another year, at least.
Crazy Aunt: I bet you could do marriage really well if it were a two year at a time commitment!
Me: Hell yeah. Well, as long as I could upgrade every two years.
Crazy Aunt: LOL. You're terrible. But hey, I've been married three times.
Me: I rest my case lol.
And then Y almost broke my new, not-so-beloved phone after a few mid-day margaritas.
Y: "Oh my god! Dude, let's get tattoos!!"
Me: "Nah, I don't wanna not be able to do anything because we have to protect the ink. We'll get them when we get home."
Y: "No, no! Come on! I wanted everyone to know you're rock hard! Wait...to know that you're my rock. Right?"
Me: "...I'm not sure if you're trying to pimp me out or just convince me to get the tattoo, but either way you have succeeded."
