My best friend is awesome. She's caring and intelligent and funny and just a genuinely nice and good person. I am better for having been blessed with her presence in my life the last 34 years. Our time together has produced so much, both good and bad. We've been in relationships, out of relationships, up, down and everywhere in between. Neither of us are quite sure how to navigate this dating business, but she is by far better at it than I am. She's always had a habit of falling for the brothers of the women I've dated, but she broke the cycle years ago when she started dating the man who would eventually become the father of her child. Things would've been all sunshine and rainbows for them if not for his family who want him to settle down and have a family with a Puerto Rican chick, even if that's not what he wants. Usually a pushover for his family's hijinks, he decided to do what he wanted and pursue Y, and they were both all kindsa happy for awhile. Then she got pregnant and things got complicated because his family became even more open about how much they detested his choice to be with her, for no other reason than the fact she isn't Puerto Rican. They even suggested he bail and not take responsibility for the kid, though it never crossed his mind to do so. It was unconventional and difficult, but he adored Y and wanted to be with her and raise their kid together. She wanted that too, and she committed to that, but eventually his family's hostility towards her became too much and the final straw was when they began trying to coerce the kid into believing untrue ish about her mother. Upon leaving the relationship, Y met H, who is totally not her type. She grew up around crazy Latin fools, so that tends to be the kind of guy she goes for. H is as white as a white boy can be, hailing from Sweden and totally unaware of just how much whiter that makes him. He's a wonderful dude, but I was surprised when they hit it off and began dating. H made it clear he someday wanted a wife and kids, and in that order, and Y made it clear that she'd been through a bad marriage and wasn't looking to get hitched again anytime soon, but was open to the possibility someday. Funny thing about "someday" - it creeps up on you. All of this was a few years back, when we were all hovering around 30 and thinking we were still young and ish. Now, she's on the brink of 34 and he turned 36 a few months back and he wanted that whole marriage thing. They got engaged last year, but I know she thought twice before saying, "Yes". She put off setting a date for quite sometime and had a meltdown this year when he started putting wedding plans into action. He slowed his roll, but he also demanded she set a date, something she just hasn't been able to do. Why? Because she's realized that he's not going to change his stance marriage and kids and, oh by the way, she's not in love with him. She got comfortable with him and that's why she just kinda stayed on for the ride. And now, the ride is coming to an end. Last weekend when we flew home, she showed up sans her fiancé and downplayed why he wasn't there. But I knew why. You don't spend 34 years with someone and not know the thought behind their every move. They'd decided to take some time and figure out what comes next, the choices being either a wedding or a final split. She chose a split. And it's the right call, I think. If you're not in love, you're not in love. It's still sad though, for so many reasons. He adores her and Miss L and he's a genuinely wonderful guy. And then there's having to start all over again with someone new, which is always annoying but even more so in your 30's. I love them both and I want the best for them. Sadly, ending up together isn't the best thing.
On the heels of Y's breakup comes word that my cousin may be ending his 13-yeae marriage next week. I've chronicled their issues here; last year they decided to try for a baby and found out that they can't have children, and it's sent the marriage into a nosedive. My cousin has been desperately clinging to the controls, trying to level things out, but he's gotten little help or support from his wife. She's had a fee moments where it seemed like she's seen the light and wants to start fixing things, but it's always a short-lived commitment. She seems content to travel by herself and do whatever she wants, without any mention of what she wants from him, if anything. And he's finally had enough. He's tired of not having a partner and wondering if she's going to come back from each trip with divorce papers. Nothing has shocked her back to reality yet, so he finally went with an ultimatum - have a conversation and make a decision by next week, or he'll make it for them in the form of a legal separation. I'm very sad to say that I don't think they're gonna make it. I know it must be difficult to find out the plans you had of children with the love if your life won't happen, st least not the way you wanted it to. But you can only mourn for so long. Eventually, you have to pick yourself up and decide what comes next. But it's like she's stuck in the mourning phase and flat out refuses to pull herself out. Because I guess it's better to lose out on kids and lose your best friend, than to pick yourself up and continue down a slightly altered path with the person you adore. I hope they work it out, but I can't blame him for deciding to let the whole thing go down in flames now.
My family be dropping like flies, yo. My brother's divorce recently became final, ending a rocky almost 20-year relationship. And now Y and the cousin are recently single and possibly about to be single. *sigh* Relationships are hard.
