D-N-A

Genetics can be a funny thing. Skin color, eye color, hair color can sometimes be a bit of a toss-up. For example, my eyes are green and my daughter's eyes are blue. Her mother's eyes are brown so the last thing we expected was a blue-eyed kid (especially since green eyes are scary dominant in my family). She was also blonde, something attributed to her grandma being blonde. Kid looks nothing like me. My sister's oldest son also has blue-ish eyes, despite both his parents and his sister having green eyes. My brother's kids both look very Asian but are actually only about 1/4 Chinese. Nowadays you can't tell anything about anyone by how they look. (Of course people still try; in the last week alone I've heard people tell me I look Middle Eastern and Greek).

My sister's partner is of Cuban and Mexican descent; the son of a brown eyed mother and a green eyed father. He has green eyes himself, his sister has brown eyes and both bare quite a resemblance to their parents. Their brother, however, has a noticeably lighter skin tone and blue eyes and looks nothing like the rest of the family. It's no secret that their parents had a terrible marriage and were off and on for awhile so there's always been that question in his mind about whether or not the man who raised him is his biological father. I remember years ago he told me he'd always felt like his dad had treated him differently than he did the other kids. I never really advised him about what to do cuz I didn't know what to say. Everybody has suspected for years that there's something up with how he came to be but no one has ever talked about it. And I think what he's always needed is for someone to validate how he feels about the whole thing.

This friend and I were very close growing up and into adulthood. We had a falling out back in 2005 that left our friendship in ruins but have since reconciled and I'm VERY thankful for that. It's taken him a few years to find his footing and get on track but he's in a great place right now. The other night he just blurts out that he's decided to get a DNA test to find out if his dad is his father. I was taken aback but I understand his wanting to know the truth. Even though my own father was never a part of my life, at least I know who he was and what he did with his life. I can't imagine being totally in the dark about it. So I told him he should talk to his brother about it (they've long had a very complicated relationship but have repaired it outside of what happened with their parents). They've decided to get a DNA test together so they can see the results without bringing the parents into the situation. If it turns out they're only half-brothers, then they'll talk to mom about the circumstances. I think this is an excellent idea, it's very important to know where you come from. But I'm not sure which outcome is better for them. Being 100% related but having felt neglected by your father and not understanding why. Or being 50% related and having no idea who your real father is or if he's still alive or if your mother will ever tell you who he actually is. Toss up, I guess.