Somebody I love found her long lost half-brother via Facebook last night. The back story of it all is complicated but she's been reeling from the news ever since. All this reminded me of when my father died and my brother had similar issues with our half-siblings. We have several half-sibs and he felt the need to try and find and contact them in the wake of our father's death. We had no idea if they knew about us at all. I admit to looking all of them up on Facebook right after he died, just to see what they looked like. But that was enough for me. I thought about it and decided that was enough for me, I didn't need to know anymore about them and I had no desire to meet them. The same went for my sister (twins coming to the same decision, what a shock huh?) and we put it behind us. A few months later we found out that our brother had been talking to one of our half-sisters, something we'd both said we would rather he not pursue. Then, I met a different half-sister out of the blue and we talked for a few minutes and the I decided I didn't need to know that other side. She told me our paternal grandmother and our father's widow both wanted to meet us but I opted not to go that route and that was pretty much the end of it.
I realize now that it wasn't my place to tell my brother what he should or should not do or what he should feel. We're very different, always have been, and whomever he chooses to invite into his life is his own business. Even though we're both technically related to these people, it doesn't meant I'd have to get to know them just because they're a part of his life. It's funny how all that came flooding back after hearing of my friend's situation. She has three siblings, none of whom know that she's found another (though they know of him) but she doesn't think they would be at all interested in meeting him. I told her this is her choice and not theirs but stopped way short of telling her what to do, other than to sleep on it for awhile. So many things could happen, there are more variables than I can probably even think of. But the most glaring one is rejection. If she makes the first move and he's not interested...that's gonna hurt. If he's open to what she has to say, there's the possibility another side of the family comes into play and then everyone on all sides has to figure out what they're gonna do. And I feel weird in that I've been in a similar situation but since I pretty much shut myself down about it, I can't really recall how I felt at the time. So I'm kinda useless here but still around if she needs a sounding board.
