Swept Away

It's seems like it was eons ago when I last fell for someone in that 'what the hell is this I'm feeling?' kinda way. It all started with my first ever blind date (hers too). How it came to be still makes me laugh because I think the entire thought process was something like her sister saying, 'Hey! My sister is the last of three kids and the only one without kids and/or a partner', and my cousin's then-fiance saying, 'Really? My boyfriend's cousin is one of three kids and the only one without kids and he's single too! They should go out'. Yeah. That was it. I fought the set-up, my set-up fought the set-up but we ended up agreeing to go just to shut up the powers that be. What followed was an insane and unexpected affair. Sounds mad cheesy but from the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I was done for. Things evolved quickly from there, but they also became complicated very quickly. She wasn't ready for what we could've become and so we sputtered, then lingered, then finally ended. But the way I felt with her was amazing. They were feelings that had become foreign to me for a very long time. Even though it eventually crashed and burned, I don't regret a single thing. She completely swept me off my feet and I loved every minute, the good and the bad.

Someone pointed out to me today that I was "different" in the beginning stages of that relationship. I was open to it and let it take me wherever it was meant to take me. I went in wholeheartedly but took it slow, as opposed to my usual M.O. of fanning the flame as quickly as I can and then losing interest once it's burning bright. What's that saying? The hotter the flame, the quicker the flame out? Yep, that's me nine out of ten times. Not proud of it but it is what it is. Lately though I've been feeling like a major overhaul of my M.O. is required. I don't know how to go about that or if it's even possible. I assume it can be changed, it's just a habit after all. Maybe this is part of that whole 'aging' biz, supposedly you get a better idea of what you want as you get older. Or maybe it's a phase. Who knows. All I know is I need a change. I want to change. And it's been a long ass time since that's happened...