That was the question posed to me last night. It was a very good question and made me think. In the end, my answer was a simple one; that I'm open to finding something long-term but I'm not actively looking. If you look for something like that, you'll never find it. And the best relationships I've had were ones I just fell into unexpectedly. I was very closed off to anything serious for a very long time, solely because I wasn't fit for commitment. I didn't know what I wanted but I knew I didn't wanna stick it out when times got tough (yes, I was a bastard). Then I went through a period of having to find my footing with this parenting, and later single parenting, thing. I didn't really think about relationships during all that yet somehow managed to arrive at the conclusion that I'm open but not looking. It's amazing how clarity can come about sometimes.
Another thing that came up in this conversation was how different it is to date now than it was in our roaring early and mid 20's. In your 20's it's all about hook ups and having fun and experiencing life, learning what you do and don't like. And most of the people you come into contact with are fellow twenty somethings who are on similar journeys. In your 20's there's still the chance that you can settle with someone who hasn't really started their life or career yet. But once you get to your 30's the landscape changes considerably. Suddenly it's time to apply what you learned in your 20's and pick a direction and go. The people you date now have life stories and experiences and careers and in some cases, divorces behind them and kids to raise. Now it's about merging your lives rather than starting them together. But I like that. It should be a merger to create a partnership, not a takeover or one person losing their identity in the relationship.
I like the partnership thing and I think that's the best case scenario for me. But I also know it could never happen for me and I'm okay with that too. I'm glad I didn't settle down in my 20's. Will it happen in my 30's? Who knows. But at least I'll be much better prepared for the long haul if it comes knocking.
