I had this space marked for a long blog about my not so great day and even worse night. But I have yet to post it and don't know if I will because it was written in anger and frustration. If it's one thing I've learned this week, it's that words wield some kinda power. Words can be amazing and convey incredible emotions; whether it be you saying the actual words or letting the lyrics of a song say how you feel. Words can be like daggers and cut deep and it can be difficult to stop the bleeding. Words can both make everything okay or make everything worse. Words can lose their meaning and no longer be enough. All this is what makes words beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.
Last week I used my words in a hurtful manner while in the heat of an argument (see here). It was stupid and juvenile and I still have not fully recovered from it. I take full responsibility for my part in it and for, unintentionally, escalating it. I know better and I should have stopped using my words and called for time out until both parties could converse with cooler heads. Maybe things wouldn't be in such a fucked up place right now if I'd put away my words sooner a week ago. Another lesson learned.
Tonight I'm left feeling as if my words are not being taken in the way I mean them to be. I withheld my words for most of the day, a side effect of being a thinker, and I wasn't happy. I couldn't really find the words to say what I wanted to anyway. I know which words are daggers and which words calm the storm, but none of them seemed to describe how I was feeling. But then I used the only words I could find to describe how I felt - and it only made things much worse. One more lesson learned. And now...well, I guess I'm out of words.
