I've had a couple of conversations the past few days about kids and marriage and what it all means. It's amazing how your views change as you get older and have more life experiences. For the longest time I wanted three kids, which is not unusual since you usually want the same amount of kids you grew up with. Then I didn't want any cuz this world is a little much to bring a little being into. Then I had one and it was the greatest thing ever. It still is the greatest thing ever (some days) but my little being is no longer at an age where she thinks everything I say or do is awesome. She's now at the age where she realizes her dad is a gigantic nerd who is probably gonna cry when she starts school in a few years. And honestly, although I love the girl more than life, I miss her younger years. So it's probably not surprising that I've been looking at younger kids on the street and it's making my clock tick. The other night I was asked how many more kids I want and, for the first time in awhile, I lacked an immediate response on the subject. Normally I would immediately say I was done or I was on the fence but neither of those were what my gut told me. Instead, I went with at least two more kids, three at the max. That would be four kids total for me and that would be chaos. But it does sound kinda fun (on the good days, anyway). The person I was having this convo with said she knows me and knows how much I love kids and know for a fact that I want more. So I guess I can't say I'm on the fence anymore and I do definitely want more kids at some point. And it will happen if it's meant to be.
Today this same person and I had a conversation about marriage, and not for the first time. The first time we talked about it I said something about how I never wanted to get married and made it sound like the plague. I got called out and she said she thinks my opinion on marriage has everything to do with the fact that I'm not at that place in my life yet and so I run away from it. You stick with what you know and I know how to not be married. Our convo today veered off into cohabitation and whether it's a necessity for two people before they get married. I think if you're together long enough then you don't really need to live together before you get hitched. But I feel like if I were that into somebody I would probably wanna live with them, if I was sure they were it for me. My friend's opinion is that the big hold up about marriage for her is that whole pesky living together thing. She needs her space and thinks that living together would be too monotonous and would limit her freedom. And I get the whole needing space thing, most people need their own space, but I don't think it has to be so black and white. My sister and her partner have lived together forever and they're both the type to need their own space and time apart, and they get that. On the other hand, my cousin and his (now ex) girlfriend lived together for a few years and fought like cats and dogs because it was too much togetherness. So I guess it depends on who you end up with. If you end up with the right person, ya'll balance each other out and you navigate your way through it and everyone gets the amount of alone time they need. And it's interesting that that's the view I take on it cuz I'm a very independent dude myself. You would think I would be on board with a plan that calls for living separately but still being committed to one another. I don't know. Definitely something to think about I suppose.
The marriage talk today was prompted by the whole 72 day reality show wedding debacle. I love how this story had pissed so many people off for so many different reasons. It's ridiculous. It doesn't directly affect any of our lives and yet people are still both fascinated and upset. I don't understand the disconnect between these two people though. He seriously thought she was gonna move to middle America and be a basketball wife? Bless him if he truly believed that was gonna happen. This chick made like millions upon millions of dollars off of a sham wedding. I'm sure a lot more of us would get hitched if it only required a 72 day commitment and paid us $100,000 a day. Which brings me to another part of today's marriage convo - leasing with an option to...uh...keep leasing. I think that's the way to go about any relationship, really. Let's commit to five years, see how it goes and if we both still feel like it's the right thing, we'll re-up for another five years. Marriage is a contract after all. But it seems like marriage is becoming less and less sacred. I'm not exactly traditional (though I am in some ways I guess) but I do believe that if you commit to something forever, you should do all in your power to make it last for the long haul. Nowadays peeps get hitched on a whim and figure they can always just divorce at the first sign of trouble. It's so stupid. I don't know if this lease option will catch on but I wouldn't be surprised if it did. Traditional marriage seems to be losing favor since it's so easy to make a mockery of it. But, although I'm still firmly on the fence, it's nice to think that that old school kinda love might be possible.
