My family should really stay away from the month of January. If we could just skip it and start the new year in February, that would be great. I don't know what it is about this month but sometimes it tends to be awful for our clan. This January is no exception. First, my brother's seizures landed him in the hospital and then in an OR to have a brain rumor removed. He's been out of the hospital for a couple of days and we'd all been thinking how great it was to no longer have to see the inside of those walls. But those walls weren't done with us yet.
As I begin this post, it is 4:15 in the morning and I've been up almost a full 24 hours. I woke up early, went about my day and had a late dinner with my mom. After dinner I went to another room and mom stayed in the family room watching TV. She fell asleep for a couple of hours and I didn't bother her. Then I heard her starting to get up and assumed she was going to bed so I went in to say goodnight. But as soon I walked into the room I could tell something was wrong. She was pale and kind of half lying down and said she thought she was getting the flu because her stomach hurt and she was nauseous. She asked for a cold cloth and some water and I brought her both, then brought in the trash can in case she got sick. I asked if she was okay, she was sweating and not able to get out of the awkward position she was in, and age didn't answer. And inside I began to panic. My mother is NEVER not okay, if she's not worried, then neither am I but she was clearly worried. She seemed disoriented so I kept an eye on her for a second and suddenly she passed out. Her eyes closed, she wasn't moving and she didn't respond when I shook her so I immediately called 911. I had to leave the room to get to the phone and in the 10 seconds I was gone, she'd come to. She asked who I was on the phone with but still seemed a bit out of it for a second. She responded to the questions the 911 operator told me to ask her and within minutes two ambulances and five paramedics showed up (we would later joke that the only thing missing was a helicopter landing on the front lawn). It was literally 10 minutes from the time I came in to say goodnight til the time paramedics were on site, that's how quickly this all unfolded. And I felt like my 7-year-old self putting all that 'call 911 in case of energency' training to use. It was scary as hell. After assessing her condition and taking an EKG, the paramedics opted to take her to the hospital. I rode along and shot off texts and calls about what was going on, but since it was ready 9-ish at night, responses were slow. The medics didn't seem super concerned and that calmed me a bit, but it still seemed like the ride to the hospital took ages.
Once we got to the hospital, she was wheeled into a room and greeted by five nurses and a doctor. Everyone started poking and prodding away; starting IV's, getting an ultrasound and x-rays, asking me what had happened. About 30 minutes after that, we were alone in her room and she said she felt like she was going to be sick so I stepped out to find a nurse to get her a bucket. All I could find was some administrative looking woman and age came in and got a basin, but mom had already gotten sick. I didn't even notice that she had because I was looking at her and what I saw terrified me. She had her hands on the railing of the bed, her face over her hands and her eyes were wide open, almost bulging and staring up at the ceiling. She was out cold. I didn't notice if her vitals changed at that moment but I yelled at the woman in the room to go get someone. She looked at me annoyed but did go get the nurse. Mom was only out for a few seconds at most but it was still fucking scary. Not knowing what's going on with the health of someone you love is the worst feeling. At that point the doctor came in and said he wanted a CT scan, which requires the scanee to drink down this awful liquid that takes about an hour and a half to kick in. Because she was nauseous and generally not feeling well, it took about a half hour for her to drink it all. She finally went to CT and I sat on the room by myself and waited. My brother is obviously unable to leave the house right now so he couldn't come over and my sister was chaperoning a sleepover for her daughter so I was flying solo on this one. While she was in CT, the doctor and I had a bit of a talk and he said her blood work was normal and her vitals were looking good. That was both conforming and unsettling because I wanted her to get better but I also wanted to know what had caused her to pass out and it didn't seem like I was going to get an answer. She had slept for about an hour prior to CT and said she felt a little better but still had stomach pain. After looking over the CT scan the doctor said most everything looked normal, except for a tiny bit of fluid in her intestines. He said it would likely work itself out and told her what to take to keep hydrated, and prescribed some meds for nausea. After an hour long wait to be discharged, we finally left via a cab at 3:45 in the morning.
Mom was very understandably exhausted and went right to bed once we got home. Before that, she hugged me and thanked me for taking care of her but I told her no thank you was ever necessary. I did however tell her not to scare me like that again. I told her I loved her about a million times over the course of the night and repeated it yet again and she said she loves me more than I know. She went to bed but I haven't. I can't sleep. For one thing, I'm afraid the whole thing is going to happen again. For another, every time I shut my eyes the whole thing replays on a loop. So for now I write. I'm exhausted but at the same time I'm not. I want to sleep but I'm worried about...ridiculous stuff I guess. I mean, it's serious stuff but I know she's much better now than she was eight hours ago. Still...it was scary. It reminded me of how I felt when she was hospitalized for anxiety when we were in high school. Just not knowing what is going on with your parent is unbearable. Anyone who knows me knows I'm close to my entire family but my mother is hands down the most amazing woman on the planet. I would take a bullet for that woman, I adore her. Words cannot express how thrilled I am that she's feeling better. Thank y'all for the prayers and good vibes and please keep them coming.
