I'm a lucky dude. I say that in spite of the fact that the past 24 hours of my life have sucked. Can't talk to people I want to talk to, have no other outlet for those feelings and emotions, so I've internalized. And, as usual, the only purpose it's served is to possibly destroy me. Fortunately, one of my cousins has made it his mission to get my life in order. No, seriously. He's my oldest male cousin (which is not saying much, there aren't many of us) and he divides his time between New York and Boston, his wife's hometown. We weren't necessarily thick as thieves as kids but we're more alike than not as adults. He's more like a big brother to me. And I look up to him for so many reasons. Maybe the biggest because he's just a good man and I'd like to grow up to be one of those someday. He's been married for nearly ten years (although married in secret until a few years ago), and I actually introduced him, albeit inadvertently, to his wife. They're awesome and our families have grown very close over the past decade. And tonight, dude is my savior.
My last post touched briefly on the decisions I'm on the verge of having to make. The biggest one, by far, is about where I'm gonna live. I haven't had a steady job in a month and I've been unable to take freelance job because I've either been sick with the anemia or this virus. Before I stopped getting work, I had already calculated I was in trouble. My savings had been allowing me to work freelance and figure out if I liked it enough to try and give it a full-time go. And I did. The problem has been my health woes. My immune system is weakened because of the steroids and so I get sick a lot easier than I ever have before and the illnesses are more severe than they would be if I didn't have the anemia. And it's still not under control and there's no guarantee that this next course of treatment will be the answer. I can't take on projects when I can't fulfill my end of the bargain and work a set number of hours. I already had to agree to let my ex pay for our daughter's pre-school tuition, and accept help for my ever-increasing medical bills, both of which depressed me a bit more. But now it's beyond that. And when money is an issue, everything is an issue. The only reason I've been able to keep on the way I have for the last six months is because I don't have to pay rent. However, raising a toddler in the big city quickly accounts for that cash. And so, here we are.
Last night, I did some figuring and, depending on some decisions I make, I have (maybe) two months left at my current lifestyle. That means by the middle of June, I would have to decide to move for good or move for the summer and probably early fall. Obviously I'm having trouble coming to terms with this myself, forget about telling other people what's going on. But my cousin has been in the know the whole way, for a number of reasons, and has informed me I need to slow my anemic roll. His suggestion? Chill out, take today to figure out some moves and maybe getaway for a few days (though not necessarily right this second) to clear my head. And it's very good advice. I was supposed to go away next week for an early birthday trip but that's not happening because of my illness. I had a back-up plan of maybe trying to go home for a few days but that's out now too. So the only consolation trip would be somewhere close. Maybe D.C. or Boston. I don't know yet.
My daughter's birthday is Monday and her mother and I still have no clue what we're doing, we've both been dealing with way too much stress the last few weeks. Her mom is possibly on the verge of unemployment herself and, even more likely, divorce. She says if one (or both) of those things happen, she might be on board for some kind of summer-long getaway herself. That's not to say we'd go to the same place, but we'd be nearby so we could both see our girl. I don't know how that works yet though. There's still too many options to figure out. My mom is spending her summer (and fall) in Texas with my brother, so i could go to her house, and my ex has family (including her mom) in Colorado. But neither of us are crazy about that because it wouldn't be good for job stuff. I could also go to Texas, but that's a bit far. There's California. But I'd rather do...well, anything else but live there again (L.A. anyway). My cousin in D.C. thinks it'd be awesome if we came down there. The ex could stay in NY and we could still switch off. But it's an election year and I don't even like paying attention to those in general, let alone while living in the epicenter of the madness. So far, (and it's early) my favorite destination is Boston. Yes, Boston. The one place I swore to Zod I would NEVER live after the Red Sox spanked my beloved Rockies in the 2007 World Series. My cousin and his Mrs. have a house with all kinds of room, AND the ex could still stay in NY and we could switch off. Again, still early. But I guess I feel better about this then I did.
Medically, I have come to the conclusion I will never feel better. Well, at least not anytime soon. Today was supposed to get the ball rolling on my transfusion, but since I'm still battling this virus that's a no go. Oh, and last night as I was sitting on the couch having a coughing fit, I felt something snap in my back. I have been informed by a licensed medical professional that I did indeed pull a muscle on the inside of my rib cage. And yes, it is as painful to cough when you have a pulled muscle on the inside of your rib cage. Or move. Actually, moving isn't too bad right now but the coughing fits really take it out of me. I've had to use my inhaler after the last couple. Doc said it'll be about six weeks for the ribs to heal and in the meantime I shouldn't pick up anything heavy (ie. a toddler) or do anything to aggravate the injury. But it shouldn't affect my transfusion, which can get underway once I'm completely rid of this virus. The irony: The ribs will be healed just in time for me to move boxes. Yeah...never a dull moment, ya'll.
Two more things: My next few posts (if they ever make it here) may be completely infested with Titanic facts and stories. Not the movie, the actual disaster. It's 100 years next week since she sank and I've been obsessed with the subject for the past 22 years. If you don't wanna bask in the awesomeness of my knowledge and obsession (most people don't), then don't read.
Also, the video posted below gave me the best laugh of my day. Stages 2 and 4 are just hysterical. Enjoy.
