*sigh* It's always sad when a couple you idolize decide to call it quits. Last year, a close friend of mine and her husband decided to divorce and it seemed so sudden. But they'd been discussing it for months before telling anyone else what was going on. It's true that the only people who ever truly know what's going on in a relationship are the people who are in it (and sometimes not even they know, am I right?). That's the way it should be, really. But with social media being what it is, that's rarely the case. My view is that the less you hear about a relationship on social media, the healthier and happier it probably is. In such an instant gratification kinda world, people take to Twitter or Facebook or Instagram to voice their displeasure about anything and everything, including their relationships. What we forget is that those posts are pretty much indestructible. If you're feeling some kinda way at 4 o'clock, but change your mind at 4:15, it's already too late to yank whatever nonsense you've put out there for the world to see. I witnessed this play out just recently with a few acquaintances. They've been together just over a year and moved into a house he purchased two months ago. She has a child and already had the kid referring to him as "dad". And then she issued an ultimatum just before he went on a work trip last week - propose before the end of 2015 or she would walk. Mind you, she is about five minutes out of her first marriage and he's a few years removed from a marriage and unsure he wants to dive into another one. They argued and it was left unresolved and he departed for his trip. The day after he left, she posted some cryptic tweets about relationships and starting over to Twitter, followed by an announcement that they had split up and it totally blindsided him. He was so pissed by how she went about it, he didn't bother to call her to try and patch it up, instead choosing to tell her to be out of his house by the end of this week. If she had any remorse, she hasn't show it and is already in the process of leaving the property. Something like that wouldn't have been possible prior to social media. They would've stewed for a week until he got back and then started talking again and if it ended, it ended. But sadly, these public declarations are becoming more and more the norm.
Social media played a part in the demise of another couple I just adore. I introduced them so many years ago and they married within a year, eloping to Vegas to do the deed. This was one of those couples that just seemed to click and effortlessly make things work, no matter what came their way. It was the kind of marriage I would want if I were into that sort of thing. Even after a dozen years together, they still adored one another. They went back and forth about having kids for years, a luxury afforded to them by having met and married so young. They're both only in their mid-30's and decided to try for a baby in 2014. When they weren't pregnant after nine months of trying, they went to the doctor to have everything checked out and discovered she couldn't have children. Their chance of conceiving a child naturally, or her carrying a child to term, were less than 1%. This upset both of them greatly, but it absolutely devastated her. In the year leading up to their decision to try for kids, she'd made some radical changes in her life, which included heading to AA to curb her drinking. She wasn't exactly an alcoholic, I'd liken her penchant for drinking to mine for drugs, but she wanted to be as healthy as possible for the baby. She did not start drinking again after they got the bad news, but she did pull away from him and the marriage. They were apart a lot for work and she began posting often to Instagram about her travels and the fun she was having, a departure from some of her previous posts about him and the marriage. He wanted to talk about other ways to have a child, and she went back and forth about it. She'd seem all in about the marriage sometimes, but then at other times she was totally disconnected and they wouldn't speak for days. They seemed to start patching things up around the holidays, but within a month they were back to being estranged and now she made it a point to include her left hand in nearly all her social media posts. And her wedding ring was absent in all of them. He gave several ultimatums, but she just did not care about anything anymore. And then a few weeks ago he said she needed to either be in or out and, if she gave no answer by the following week, he would file for a legal separation. That got her attention and she said she wanted to talk. But what she said was not at all what he was expecting. It turns out she had herself a one night stand with some random guy weeks after they got the news that they couldn't have a kid. And it's devastated her soon-to-be ex-husband. Despite all they were going through, he still adored her the same way he did when they married. He was convinced she'd come around, and she'd told him as much on many occasions. He even asked early in the year if there was someone else, or if there had been at any time during their marriage and she gave a resounding no. But obviously that wasn't true. He's dragging his heels a bit in filing for divorce as he copes with everything, but there's no doubt in his mind that it's over. The irony is that now she's beating down his door to try and work things out.
To say I was shocked when I heard about the affair thing is an understatement. I've known her for close to a decade and a half and in that time we've had many conversations about relationships and why it makes no sense to cheat. Yes, I'm sure she was super emotional in the aftermath of the kid thing, but that's no excuse. Marriage is a commitment and, grief stricken or not, making a choice to break that commitment...you get what you get. And lying about it for nearly a year certainly didn't help matters. I love them both, and I will continue to love them both, but what an unfortunate end to a fourteen year relationship. I can't imagine going from getting ready to start a family to being single again, all in the span of 18 months. And to still be in love with the person you have to cut loose...damn. I guess the only thing you can hope for is that they learned from it and that they both depart with a greater appreciation of whomever they may end up with in the future. *sigh*
