I used to have a lot of bad habits, especially in relationships. I would become enamored with someone, rush into sex, rush into a relationship, get bored and end it (unless she ended it first because of the whole my not dealing with my demons thing). How long it took me to get bored varied, anywhere from two months to two years. The more complex or dark the relationship (or person) was, the longer it lasted. I'm a very passionate person and passion can breed both love and hate, sometimes both at the same time. I've been in too many relationships that were all-consuming one minute and 'what was your name again?' the next (not that I literally forgot her name, but you get the picture). But not all habits are bad. The one habit I've never broken, in relationships or otherwise, is that if you burn me, we're done. I'm an incredibly loyal and devoted dude but I have zero tolerance for betrayal. Unfortunately, the mother of my child does not share this philosophy of cutting off people who hurt her. She's had a rough go of it in matters of the heart, but most of it has been a nightmare of her own making. Her downfall has always been great looking but troubled guys who are also often cheaters. Being in an industry where looks will get everywhere, there is no shortage of these guys hanging around waiting to date someone like her. And she takes the bait every single time.
The two of us have always been very civil in dealing with all things involving our child, so much so that people often comment on how 'adult' we are about it. You know how parents split up and there's drama because neither thinks the other is raising the kid 'right'? Or how whenever dad takes the kid, mom gives him a list a mile long of what is and isn't allowed, what the kid can eat and when, etc.? We've never had to deal with any of that. She trusts me and I trust her and, although we tend to have very different parenting styles, we know we both have the same goal at the end of the day. We want our girl to be happy and healthy and safe (and I tell ya, happy ain't even that important now that she's hit the terrible twos and never seems to stay happy for long). We both accepted long ago that there would eventually be other people who would come into the picture and be a part of our child's life. I feel like as long as the dude is good to the kid and good to her, we'd all find a way to make it work. But I also feel like there's extra responsibility in choosing a partner when you're a single parent. It's not just your life anymore, it's tied to this other little being that you're raising. Drama has no place around a kid and anyone who comes into the fold has to understand and respect that. My standards have changed since I became a parent and I've been working to change the worst of my ways and do away with that all-consuming bad habit. Apparently I'm the only one with a willingness to change.
This weekend my ex and I talked, loudly, about her latest troubled suitor. We usually stay out of each other's personal lives, neither of us needs to know about the others casual dating habits or flings. But we agreed to give one another a heads up when something takes a serious turn and it looks like we might decide to bring the person around our daughter. This situation is complicated by the fact that her new guy is the ex of a friend of mine and the reason he's her ex is that he cheated on her. I guess that little detail is why she waited so long to tell me they were dating (which pisses me off). I don't know if she likes the abuse these guys dish out or if looks really are that much more important than integrity to her or what. But I do know that I don't want this guy around my kid (if it gets that far). I know people can be horrible mates but also make great parents or step-parents, but I don't even think this guy is a big fan of kids. I mean, he cheated because she told him she wanted to try and have a baby (because just saying he didn't want one woulda been, oh I don't know, the adult thing to do). Children learn what they live and if ours is around a highly emotionally charged relationship (as I suspect this one is), she's gonna pick up on that. And that's gonna affect her so much more than I think her mother realizes. To say I don't like this would be a massive understatement. But my hands are tied, it's not my relationship. All I can do is hope she sees that something ain't right here before the kid gets brought into this mess. Why are bad habits the hardest to break?
