People often comment on how cool it must be for me to have a twin and I guess I can see their point. Part of the thinking is that you're never alone when you have a twin and that you're always connected to somebody. I adore my sister, she's always been one of my best friends. But there is such a thing as too connected sometimes, as in one of us knowing what the other is gonna say before they even think it (seriously, it creeps us both out but it's such a habit now that we can't stop). But as close as we are, neither of us would refer to each other as soul mates.
I've written before about my belief that soul mates aren't just people you fall you in love with and aren't just of the opposite sex. I can't explain what it is that makes for a soul mate but if you've ever had one, you know. I guess the basic definition is probably that something in you recognizes something in them, maybe from a past life (which I believe in but some people don't and have completely different views on this, obviously) and you feel instantly bonded to them. They just get you right off the bat and it's an amazing feeling to be connected to someone in that way. I'm lucky that I've had more than one soul mate in my life but only one that's been there for just about all of my almost 30 years on the planet.
My best friend and I "met" in the NICU when I was three months old and she was a premature newborn. Our moms struck up a conversation and became friends and it was almost fate when it turned out that we lived only a few miles from each other. We grew up playing at each other's houses and were usually in the same classes throughout elementary school. We were separated in our schooling for two years when I went to Catholic school but ended up in the same middle school for one year and then the same high school, resulting in the now infamous prom story (first paragraph here). We lived together for a long time, starting in college and then continuing for awhile after that. There's never been any doubt that she's my best friend. Somehow we both know that we're never gonna be without each other in our lives. We've taken each other's fears and dreams and insanity and self-sabotage and we don't judge it, we just listen. There's never any 'I told you so' when something doesn't work out. Our lives have had this weird parallel thing going on, we seem to make similar decisions but at different times. A few months after my engagement ended, she married my ex-fiancees brother, which you would think would be very awkward but wasn't because he was the first guy I actually trusted with her. It didn't last but hey, everybody makes mistakes, right? We've been there for each other through two engagements (one for each of us), one marriage (hers), two kids (one each) and countless break-ups and make-ups. We've never had a real argument or falling out of any kind and that's kind of amazing for a thirty year friendship.
Our families would like nothing more than for us to realize we belong together as more than friends and run on down an aisle somewhere (I blame their unrealistic expectations on my brother who saw us kiss when we were like 11 and ran off and told everyone we were in love). But I think after thirty years and two kids, they're finally coming to terms with the fact that it's just not in the cards. We've both dated people who were insanely jealous of our relationship and couldn't understand how it could be platonic when we were so close and had so much in common. (It became such an issue with dates that we decided not to live together anymore). I bring all this up because she's going through a hard time and she's been on my mind a lot lately. It's like I want to tell her things are gonna work out but when I'm not honestly sure myself that they're gonna...I don't wanna lie to her. And so I'm not sure what to say. And it pisses me off that I can't fix things or change them so they go her way but such is life I guess. *sigh* It just sucks. The optimist in me says it's gonna be alright while the tiny cynic in me says, 'Dude, you know it's gonna go the bad route because the universe demands it.' (That's right, I call myself 'dude' when I talk to myself). Here's hoping for the best...
