I spent my 29th birthday home with my family and the day before the occasion I went to buy an ice cream cake with my mom. This was supposed to be a trip that included my sister but she ended up not going. I envy her. Mom and I walk into the store and get in line and finish the conversation we'd been having in the car. We were quiet for a second while we looked at the menu and then it happened. "Hard To Say I'm Sorry" by Chicago had been playing on the PA, not very loud but you could still hear it. All of a sudden I hear the opening notes of LL Cool J's "Doin' It" and I swear someone cranked the volume all the way up. As if that weren't enough, it was the unedited version of the song (if you know the song, you know that version is filthy). The line was, of course, endless and full of kids who didn't know what they wanted so I was forced to stand there next to my mom and listen to this song. In. Its. Entirety. Yeah. I like to think she didn't hear it at all, and it's possible she tuned it out cuz she hates rap. Neither of us looked at each other or ever said a word about it (thank god). Makes for a great story now but it was mortifying while it was happening.
I mentioned my mom and crazy aunt made an appearance over the holiday weekend and chronicled crazy aunt's shenanigans on the night of her arrival. But crazy aunt was by no means done. We had a BBQ and everybody was chillin' out (and drinking). Crazy aunt is on my right, one of my friends is on my left and I'm telling my friend the now infamous ice cream story and I don't notice my aunt is listening in. She leans in as I finish the story and asks why it was embarrassing because she'd never heard the song. I told her it was a graphic sex song and, without missing a beat, she says "I wanna hear your sex song [insert my nickname here]!". And she said it quite loudly. Everyone looked over at us for a minute and then went back to what they were doing. She and I went inside and I let her listen to the song, unedited and with headphones, and it was fascinating to watch this happen. She sat there with a beer in one hand and an iPod in the other and listened to the song, then hit the back button to listen to it again. And six more times after that. Yes, my 60+ crazy aunt's new favorite song is LL Cool J's "Doin' It".
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Happy Family Time
Ah, family time. My mom, crazy aunt and favorite uncle are all in town this weekend and things started off with a bang. My mom spent time with my daughter and my uncle had some work stuff to take care of so that left me and crazy aunt to make our own mischief. I absolutely ADORE this woman. I can't even really find the words to explain how much, nor do I know why we bonded so instantly. When I was 4, I believed that Santa Claus came for both Christmas and birthdays even though my mom repeatedly told me that was a once a year thing. She finally got me to start to believe it as my birthday approached, only to have my crazy aunt show up at my birthday party wearing a Santa suit and bearing gifts. Now that is love. Unfortunately, this aunt and I lost touch until a few years ago so she missed out on quite a bit in my life. Well, nothing like making up for lost time.
I had plans to go to a friend's house to watch the hockey game and crazy aunt asked to tag along. She doesn't like hockey but she does like to meet my friends and she loves to drink. In hindsight, this is probably where the evening went wrong. See, I left out a bit about which friend's house we were going to. She and I dated for about 5 minutes a few years ago. We found out we made much better friends than lovers and it's been that way ever since. Not five minutes after we walk into the house my aunt starts talking about how the hostess is a nice girl and how we'd make a nice couple. At this point I started drinking. After about an hour of listening to this, I told my aunt about my history with the hostess and she turned her attention to why it didn't work out. Then she asked if it didn't work out because there were "sexual problems" and both the hostess and I took a shot together. Just because she kept going on and on, the more she drank. Then crazy aunt turned her attention to talking to the hostess' mom about why we should try dating again. Finally, as an encore, she showed a bunch of other younger party-goers how to take shots properly. After that we left and life began to take a turn back towards normal. She passed out on the couch, I woke her up and she was in bed by 10. And that was the big kickoff to the holiday weekend. Can't wait to see what comes next.
I had plans to go to a friend's house to watch the hockey game and crazy aunt asked to tag along. She doesn't like hockey but she does like to meet my friends and she loves to drink. In hindsight, this is probably where the evening went wrong. See, I left out a bit about which friend's house we were going to. She and I dated for about 5 minutes a few years ago. We found out we made much better friends than lovers and it's been that way ever since. Not five minutes after we walk into the house my aunt starts talking about how the hostess is a nice girl and how we'd make a nice couple. At this point I started drinking. After about an hour of listening to this, I told my aunt about my history with the hostess and she turned her attention to why it didn't work out. Then she asked if it didn't work out because there were "sexual problems" and both the hostess and I took a shot together. Just because she kept going on and on, the more she drank. Then crazy aunt turned her attention to talking to the hostess' mom about why we should try dating again. Finally, as an encore, she showed a bunch of other younger party-goers how to take shots properly. After that we left and life began to take a turn back towards normal. She passed out on the couch, I woke her up and she was in bed by 10. And that was the big kickoff to the holiday weekend. Can't wait to see what comes next.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Seven Year Itch
My cousin is going though a rough period in his life. He just got out of a seven year, on/off relationship and it's hitting him hard. They got together young and have had a lot of break ups and make ups. Three years ago she needed space (she's about three years younger than him and was 17 when they got together) so they broke up and said they weren't gonna see other people. Then she hooked up with someone else and, in retaliation, he spent time with his ex-girlfriend, something he knew would drive her crazy. They got back together soon after. Last year they broke up again, she even moved all her stuff out, and they both swore that was the real end. Then she seriously injured herself and they were back on. Finally he broke it off for good (though I suppose that's relative at this point huh) a few months ago because she said she didn't want to get married. He wants that, and kids, and thought they were on that path. He's handled the end well, until recently when he started seeing his first ex-girlfriend again. She's happily married now so they've only met up twice as friends but he clearly feels like they never should've ended things between them. But there's really nothing he can do about that now.
My longest relationship was also seven years, off and on. Going over my relationships since then is kinda depressing. A year and a half, again off and on, is the second longest. That's not too bad I guess. But everything else is pretty non-substantial; eight months, four months, a lot of two and three month flings. Nothing to write home about. Even more pathetic, I can't even remember how many of those relationships I actually applied myself in. My engagement has become the big marker of success, though not by choice. I just have to get over this mental block of not having kept much together. When I got past the eight month mark in that year and a half relationship, it was a major milestone. Obviously I've yet to approach anything close to seven years, but I'd like to think I will someday. Relationships are tough and I've not always been good at them. But I'm determined to get better in that area.
My longest relationship was also seven years, off and on. Going over my relationships since then is kinda depressing. A year and a half, again off and on, is the second longest. That's not too bad I guess. But everything else is pretty non-substantial; eight months, four months, a lot of two and three month flings. Nothing to write home about. Even more pathetic, I can't even remember how many of those relationships I actually applied myself in. My engagement has become the big marker of success, though not by choice. I just have to get over this mental block of not having kept much together. When I got past the eight month mark in that year and a half relationship, it was a major milestone. Obviously I've yet to approach anything close to seven years, but I'd like to think I will someday. Relationships are tough and I've not always been good at them. But I'm determined to get better in that area.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
And I Ran, I Ran So Far Away
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before but I LOATHE running. I don't why and I'm not sure how this fiery hatred began cuz I remember (albeit vaguely) loving field day in elementary school and placing top three in the running events. But then in high school we had to run around the gym every day during PE and that was boring as hell. Then in my early 20's I started working out with a friend who was also a personal trainer and he was bound and determined to make me love running. It didn't take. In fact, I hated it so much that one day I devised a supposedly brilliant plan to get out of it; I would tell him that I couldn't work out on Saturdays because it conflicted with my religion. It was something about having to fast on that day, if I remember correctly. Saturday was the day he made me run a million miles, the other days consisted of different types of cardio that were not running and I didn't hate those as much. My plan worked for a few months, he didn't move running to another day and I had Saturdays to do with what I pleased. And then I got busted. He was working out with another client and his path happened to bring him past a Starbucks where I was sitting with a friend, big ol' cup of coffee and a muffin in front of me. He didn't confront me, he waited until Monday when we next worked out and then made me run TEN freaking miles. And told me afterward why I had to do it. As a result, I've never lied to him since. But I've also never gone running again.
I've had many failed attempts at picking up running since the Starbucks incident. I want to like it cuz it's a quick way to get cardio out of the way. Last week, completely out of the blue, I felt better than I had in awhile and got a weird urge to go for a run. So I recruited a friend (who nearly fainted when I told her I wanted to run) and we ended up running five and a half miles. And I felt great. Two days later I ran another mile and a half on my own and kinda enjoyed that too. That led me to decide I was gonna give this running stuff that good old college try and do it five days a week. It takes me a half hour to run five miles, which is not much time at all. So last night I decided to run cuz I hadn't for a couple days and I needed to get a workout in. In the midst of my stretching and warming up I rolled my ankle (both ways) and never got to get my workout in. It hurt like a mofo. Then it started to swell up and I iced it for awhile before going to bed. I slept surprisingly well but I couldn't put my ankle on the bed or under the covers cuz that hurt. I can't walk right today but the pain is not as bad as I thought it would be. It's more just unpleasant. Will I ever run again? Probably. But right now it holds zero appeal. And that was just the warm-up. More proof the uncoordinated shouldn't run.
I've had many failed attempts at picking up running since the Starbucks incident. I want to like it cuz it's a quick way to get cardio out of the way. Last week, completely out of the blue, I felt better than I had in awhile and got a weird urge to go for a run. So I recruited a friend (who nearly fainted when I told her I wanted to run) and we ended up running five and a half miles. And I felt great. Two days later I ran another mile and a half on my own and kinda enjoyed that too. That led me to decide I was gonna give this running stuff that good old college try and do it five days a week. It takes me a half hour to run five miles, which is not much time at all. So last night I decided to run cuz I hadn't for a couple days and I needed to get a workout in. In the midst of my stretching and warming up I rolled my ankle (both ways) and never got to get my workout in. It hurt like a mofo. Then it started to swell up and I iced it for awhile before going to bed. I slept surprisingly well but I couldn't put my ankle on the bed or under the covers cuz that hurt. I can't walk right today but the pain is not as bad as I thought it would be. It's more just unpleasant. Will I ever run again? Probably. But right now it holds zero appeal. And that was just the warm-up. More proof the uncoordinated shouldn't run.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I Survived The Rapture!
Or did I? Maybe I just got left behind. If that's the case then I'm not alone cuz everyone I know got left behind too. Oh well. Maybe I'll catch the next one. There was an article on Yahoo today about the aftermath of this whole 'end of the world' thing for those who truly believed in it. Some people sold everything they had cuz they were sure they were gonna be one of the 200 million people to be taken (I didn't know until today that there were only so many tickets available for that ride). That is crazy. I get it, cuz you do what you believe in, but how do you deal when the time comes and nothing happens? You certainly can't just go on believing the way you did before. Maybe you just wait til next year to see what happens? I don't know, but I'm thinking it has to wreck you in some way.
A friend and I were debating what might happen next year, the very big 2012 scenario everyone's now turned their attention to. My first response was that we'd all die but I meant it jokingly. I have no idea what's gonna happen but I'm not gonna live in fear of the possibilities. My mom's theory is that the Mayan calendar maker dude just died and that's why the calendar suddenly came to an end. My brother doesn't want to ever talk about what might happen cuz it scares him. My friend thinks about it only when she spaces out during the day but can't wait to see exactly what will happen. If nothing happens, most of us will be in a similar boat to the people who thought yesterday was the big one. Not because we believe in it hardcore but because by the time it rolls around there will have been so many TV specials and movies and theories about it floating around that we'll have no choice but to buy into it just a little. But hey, that's a year and change down the road. We'll take it as it comes.
A friend and I were debating what might happen next year, the very big 2012 scenario everyone's now turned their attention to. My first response was that we'd all die but I meant it jokingly. I have no idea what's gonna happen but I'm not gonna live in fear of the possibilities. My mom's theory is that the Mayan calendar maker dude just died and that's why the calendar suddenly came to an end. My brother doesn't want to ever talk about what might happen cuz it scares him. My friend thinks about it only when she spaces out during the day but can't wait to see exactly what will happen. If nothing happens, most of us will be in a similar boat to the people who thought yesterday was the big one. Not because we believe in it hardcore but because by the time it rolls around there will have been so many TV specials and movies and theories about it floating around that we'll have no choice but to buy into it just a little. But hey, that's a year and change down the road. We'll take it as it comes.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Repent Ya'll, The End Is (Supposedly) Here!
- "This is the way the world ends
- This is the way the world ends
- This is the way the world ends
- Not with a bang but a whimper."
For those who haven't seen "The Stand", it's about a virus that starts with one man but very quickly takes out the U.S. (I know what you're thinking here but I had an infection, not a virus ;p) and leaves a handful of survivors who then have to choose a side - good or evil. Good is represented by a sweet little old lady named Mother Abagail, while evil comes in the form of a dude named Randall Flagg. Both sides head to Vegas (where all battles of good vs. evil end up) and fight it out. It makes for good TV and a pretty darn good book too. Perhaps that's how I'll celebrate the momentous occasion of the world's demise, by watching a movie about the very same thing. I didn't plan to do this until next December but, what the hell? I wish you and yours a fantastic Friday night and Saturday (supposedly we have until the evening hours to party like it's 1999). And, if the crazies turn out to be right - see ya on the other side, kids!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Wonder Of It All
There has been all kindsa tension between the mother of my child and I since my run in with her now-ex boy toy. Apparently she blames me for him breaking it off with her, but honestly it's not a big lost AT ALL. Dude was a jerk who was likely only with her to try and further his career. We've always been able to put our daughter first but we've made a conscious decision the past few weeks to not talk. Actually, I've been sick so I guess she's the one who made the decision to not talk and I just didn't notice until the other day. Last night was supposed to be her "date night" with our girl, but I asked her to to push it back to today and she unhappily agreed. The reason I pushed it back is because it's been kicking my ass to try and recover from this infection and take care of a toddler. But I'm sure as hell not gonna tell her that and miss my week with the kid, which I know she will never give me the opportunity to make up.
Her mom texts me at 8 in the morning but I don't answer cuz I'm still asleep. She texts two more times in the next 15 minutes and I turn off my phone cuz I know if it were anything serious, she'd be calling and not texting. My daughter and I get up, we have breakfast and play a little bit when her mom shows up at my door, completely unannounced, and says she's taking her to breakfast as their date and they'll be back in the afternoon. I left our daughter in a back room with a friend while her mother and I (okay just I, since she wasn't interested) talked for a second. I told her she'd already eaten and suggested they go to lunch or have the usual dinner date. No. She wanted to take her now, not later. Then she starts taking her stuff out of my house like she's gonna have her for longer than a few hours so I bring it all back in and she makes a scene in the front yard about how I'm "keeping her from her child". She took her, I told her to be back by three and waited to see what would actually happen. Fortunately, she brought her back on time and they said their goodbyes and my daughter seemed fine.
My girl and I sit down to dinner and completely outta the blue she says, "Mommy doesn't like you" and keeps eating. I asked her why she thought that and she didn't respond. I got mildly freaked out about what went down while she was with her mom so I asked a friend who spent the entire afternoon with them if anything weird happened and she said they didn't even talk about me or our current stand-off. While putting my daughter to bed I asked again why she said what she did and she countered with, "Do you love mommy?". I was very taken aback but I knew if I hesitated she pick up on the real answer (she's so much smarter than me, it's crazy) so I changed the subject to how much I love her and her mom loves her and nothing's ever gonna change how much either of us loves her. And with that, she went to sleep.
I don't know if she's just sensing the tension here or what but, if that's the case, we have to at least do a better job of faking it so she doesn't have to feel like she needs to take sides. Ideally, her mother and I would talk and figure this out and go back to the way things were. But it seems like the rational chick I used to be able to talk to has decided to make things difficult for me. What happened with her boy toy is not my fault, nor is his decision to break it off with her (that still makes me laugh; he starts crap and then HE ends it with HER). Am I sorry he's gone? Hell no. I think she's yet to grasp that our personal lives need not be connected anymore until things take a turn for the serious. I don't talk to her about what I do with my free time but she's always flaunted what she's up to, almost as if she thinks she can say something to make me jealous. I'm not a jealous person in general but especially not when it comes to her. I want her to be happy, preferably with a decent dude and not another jackass, but I really don't care what she does with herself when she's not around our kid. But I wonder if I say that to her face if it'll just make things worse and if she'll get even uglier than she already has. *sigh* I hate when people can't just be f-cking grown-ups.
Her mom texts me at 8 in the morning but I don't answer cuz I'm still asleep. She texts two more times in the next 15 minutes and I turn off my phone cuz I know if it were anything serious, she'd be calling and not texting. My daughter and I get up, we have breakfast and play a little bit when her mom shows up at my door, completely unannounced, and says she's taking her to breakfast as their date and they'll be back in the afternoon. I left our daughter in a back room with a friend while her mother and I (okay just I, since she wasn't interested) talked for a second. I told her she'd already eaten and suggested they go to lunch or have the usual dinner date. No. She wanted to take her now, not later. Then she starts taking her stuff out of my house like she's gonna have her for longer than a few hours so I bring it all back in and she makes a scene in the front yard about how I'm "keeping her from her child". She took her, I told her to be back by three and waited to see what would actually happen. Fortunately, she brought her back on time and they said their goodbyes and my daughter seemed fine.
My girl and I sit down to dinner and completely outta the blue she says, "Mommy doesn't like you" and keeps eating. I asked her why she thought that and she didn't respond. I got mildly freaked out about what went down while she was with her mom so I asked a friend who spent the entire afternoon with them if anything weird happened and she said they didn't even talk about me or our current stand-off. While putting my daughter to bed I asked again why she said what she did and she countered with, "Do you love mommy?". I was very taken aback but I knew if I hesitated she pick up on the real answer (she's so much smarter than me, it's crazy) so I changed the subject to how much I love her and her mom loves her and nothing's ever gonna change how much either of us loves her. And with that, she went to sleep.
I don't know if she's just sensing the tension here or what but, if that's the case, we have to at least do a better job of faking it so she doesn't have to feel like she needs to take sides. Ideally, her mother and I would talk and figure this out and go back to the way things were. But it seems like the rational chick I used to be able to talk to has decided to make things difficult for me. What happened with her boy toy is not my fault, nor is his decision to break it off with her (that still makes me laugh; he starts crap and then HE ends it with HER). Am I sorry he's gone? Hell no. I think she's yet to grasp that our personal lives need not be connected anymore until things take a turn for the serious. I don't talk to her about what I do with my free time but she's always flaunted what she's up to, almost as if she thinks she can say something to make me jealous. I'm not a jealous person in general but especially not when it comes to her. I want her to be happy, preferably with a decent dude and not another jackass, but I really don't care what she does with herself when she's not around our kid. But I wonder if I say that to her face if it'll just make things worse and if she'll get even uglier than she already has. *sigh* I hate when people can't just be f-cking grown-ups.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Riddle Me This
Obviously the former California Governor's family biz has been big news the past few days, and understandably so. Even though it's an issue between him and his family, people are gonna talk about it cuz he's a very public figure and had a very public marriage (I would say 'has' but I'm pretty sure his Mrs. is outta there after this). I'm sure this is a personality thing, but I don't understand how this entire situation could happen. I mean, I don't understand cheating to begin with. But cheating with a member of your staff (that's a no-no), knocking her up (even bigger no-no) and then keeping her in your house with your family for a DECADE? How do you even live with yourself doing something like that? Apparently his wife and this other chick were pregnant at the same time too. I just can't wrap my head around that. At all. I don't get how you keep that secret for 14 years and you don't care what it's gonna do to the mother of your children, the chick you took vows with, when she finds out the truth. The big losers here are all of his kids, including the one caught in the middle. His kids must have played with that little boy when they were younger, and to find out now that he's their sibling has gotta be crazy. I've just spent a lot of time wondering how one deals with a betrayal that big. I can't figure it out but I hope it works out for all of them.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Chain
Ah, illness. How it can spread through the masses at a rapid rate. A few weeks ago my daughter was sick but quickly recovered after a trip to see the doctor. Then my mom got sick and hasn't been able to shake whatever she had until this week. During the height of her illness, she had a repairman over to her house who also had the same symptoms and had been sick for almost a month (he was also a smoker though, so that probably had an effect on the duration of the cold). Last week, my cousin and one of my best friends both came down with sore throats and bad coughs. They, of course, blamed me. But then I ended up in the ER and it was confirmed I had an infection, not a cold and wasn't to blame for their being sick (they still blame me anyway though). As if that weren't enough, another friend lost an entire day and night to a bad headache and yet another was feeling a little unwell and had to see a doctor today. So that's 6 people (at least) connected to me who aren't feeling well. All this led me to tell the friend with the headaches that I felt like I might be a jinx, to which she replied the universe didn't think enough of me to designate me a source of bad luck. Because that's what you need when you don't feel well. You need your friends to say A) they wish they could make you feel better and B) that you're not important enough to have infected all around you. So hopefully everyone mentioned in this post (myself included) gets well ASAP and all are able to finish up their projects and plans that have been derailed.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Steppin'
Recently, I had a run in (literally) with the mother of my child's boy toy. I can't go into detail but it was ugly and fortunately it did not happen in front of our child. Yesterday a friend asked me how I would react if this boy toy and my ex were to actually get married, since they're supposedly engaged. That doesn't seem like a real possibility anymore but I've still been considering the question. If that were to happen, this dude would be my daughter's step-father (shudder). But really, any guy she commits to long-term would be considered a step-father. Just like any woman I decide to spend my life with would be my daughter's step-mother. But I hate the connotation "step-parent" has. It's definitely changed since the old days but it still tends to bring a pretty negative feeling. All it really is, if you're lucky, is a bonus parent. I never had a step-parent so I have no idea how to help my daughter through that future transition. So my examples are friends and family who have been through that.
In this corner is one of my ex-girlfriends, who is the youngest of seven kids. Her four oldest siblings were from her dad's first marriage, so her mom became their step-mother. Her parents had three kids together and they were on very good terms with their fathers' first wife. Literally one big happy family. What I loved about this family was that they didn't know the words "step" or "half". There was no need for them, they were all just family. They've taken quite a few hits over the years; dad's first wife passed away and her oldest son followed last year, but they've stuck together through it all. Dad married again last month and the family gained another mom and two step-siblings. Obviously the situation is different since all the kids are grown now. But this is the situation I hope to someday end up in with my girl. (Okay, maybe without all the marriage and with FAR fewer kids).
In this corner is my uncle and his wife of 25 years and their two children. He brought a daughter into the marriage, she brought a son. His daughter lived with her mother and visited on weekends, her son lived with them and rarely saw his father. My uncle has always treated her son as if he were his own, but they've never really able to bond the way I think my uncle had hoped they would. My aunt's relationship with her step-daughter has always been very strained. I don't think she ever fully accepted her. It wasn't that ideal scenario of her falling in love with both him and the kid, it was more like she fell for him and tolerated that he had a kid. Of course this cause friction and both of my cousins have suffered because of it. One has been in and out of rehab and is the single mother of two kids, the other is a soon-to-be single father who always seems to gravitate towards the wrong kind of chick.
That second scenario is one that will never happen to me. I'm not gonna end up with anyone who doesn't treat my kid like their own. The reverse is also true if I end up with someone who has a kid, I would treat that kid as my own. Some things are beyond your control but I firmly believe that my aunt and uncle's situation could've been very different. It comes down to what you'll accept for your kids and my kid deserves the best of everything, including family. She has it pretty darn good now in terms of family, so anyone who comes along would have to fit into that madness. But I also have to remember that if/when the mother of my child finally does decide to settle down with one dude for the long haul (hopefully not her current dude), I need to do my best to accept that dude whether I like him or not. If they decide to make a go of it, he'll be my daughter's step-dad. And I hope he loves her as if she were his own because that's what's best for her.
In this corner is one of my ex-girlfriends, who is the youngest of seven kids. Her four oldest siblings were from her dad's first marriage, so her mom became their step-mother. Her parents had three kids together and they were on very good terms with their fathers' first wife. Literally one big happy family. What I loved about this family was that they didn't know the words "step" or "half". There was no need for them, they were all just family. They've taken quite a few hits over the years; dad's first wife passed away and her oldest son followed last year, but they've stuck together through it all. Dad married again last month and the family gained another mom and two step-siblings. Obviously the situation is different since all the kids are grown now. But this is the situation I hope to someday end up in with my girl. (Okay, maybe without all the marriage and with FAR fewer kids).
In this corner is my uncle and his wife of 25 years and their two children. He brought a daughter into the marriage, she brought a son. His daughter lived with her mother and visited on weekends, her son lived with them and rarely saw his father. My uncle has always treated her son as if he were his own, but they've never really able to bond the way I think my uncle had hoped they would. My aunt's relationship with her step-daughter has always been very strained. I don't think she ever fully accepted her. It wasn't that ideal scenario of her falling in love with both him and the kid, it was more like she fell for him and tolerated that he had a kid. Of course this cause friction and both of my cousins have suffered because of it. One has been in and out of rehab and is the single mother of two kids, the other is a soon-to-be single father who always seems to gravitate towards the wrong kind of chick.
That second scenario is one that will never happen to me. I'm not gonna end up with anyone who doesn't treat my kid like their own. The reverse is also true if I end up with someone who has a kid, I would treat that kid as my own. Some things are beyond your control but I firmly believe that my aunt and uncle's situation could've been very different. It comes down to what you'll accept for your kids and my kid deserves the best of everything, including family. She has it pretty darn good now in terms of family, so anyone who comes along would have to fit into that madness. But I also have to remember that if/when the mother of my child finally does decide to settle down with one dude for the long haul (hopefully not her current dude), I need to do my best to accept that dude whether I like him or not. If they decide to make a go of it, he'll be my daughter's step-dad. And I hope he loves her as if she were his own because that's what's best for her.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Emergency!
Two weeks ago I fell ill; headache, body aches and a sore throat. It knocked me down quickly and for a couple of days. I assumed I'd picked up whatever bug my daughter had dealt with the previous week and braced myself for the cough and chest congestion that would follow. But those symptoms never came. After a few days, I was feeling a little better. Early this week I felt almost 100% better and got back on a work schedule and took myself to the gym for a couple days. Then on Wednesday night I started feeling not so hot again but could not get to sleep. Thursday morning I woke up with a 99 degree fever and a sore throat and I felt terrible so I spent most of the day on the couch. I didn't sleep that night either and woke up the next morning with a 101 degree fever but no sore throat. Again, I felt terrible and spent the day on the couch but felt better in the early evening and my fever had gone down to 98 (my normal temp is 96). I worked for a couple hours and met up with some friends but got suddenly lightheaded and had to go home. My fever had again shot up, this time to 102, and everybody I know was demanding I go to the ER. Normally I am a 'wait it out' kinda guy but even I know it's not good when a fever goes from 98 to 102 in two hours time so I relented and off to the ER I went.
Do you know how busy an ER is on a Friday night? And because I wasn't bleeding or convulsing, I had to wait 45 minutes to be seen. It probably woulda been longer but my best friend told the nurse about my fever spike and they confirmed it and took me right back. Then it got scary. First, they brought a physician's assistant to see me. She took my blood pressure and some blood and set me up in a back room. Then, came a resident who took my pulse and stormed outta the room. Finally, came an actual doctor who threw all these forms in front of me, said they were gonna run some tests and, about a half hour later, started explaining what antibiotics they were starting me on. It turned out to not be as bad as they initially thought but it's hard not to be freaked out when you overhear words like "sepsis" (which I didn't have, thank god) and "advanced". So finally I am back home and with less of a fever and no pain. Still lacking sleep and still with a slight headache but it seems to be going away. I should take a sec to apologize to a friend who told me early in the day on Friday to go to the ER. A co-worker of hers recently had a stroke, so she's a little on edge about all things medical. I shoulda listened to her and gone in earlier. But thankfully, it was caught in time.
Do you know how busy an ER is on a Friday night? And because I wasn't bleeding or convulsing, I had to wait 45 minutes to be seen. It probably woulda been longer but my best friend told the nurse about my fever spike and they confirmed it and took me right back. Then it got scary. First, they brought a physician's assistant to see me. She took my blood pressure and some blood and set me up in a back room. Then, came a resident who took my pulse and stormed outta the room. Finally, came an actual doctor who threw all these forms in front of me, said they were gonna run some tests and, about a half hour later, started explaining what antibiotics they were starting me on. It turned out to not be as bad as they initially thought but it's hard not to be freaked out when you overhear words like "sepsis" (which I didn't have, thank god) and "advanced". So finally I am back home and with less of a fever and no pain. Still lacking sleep and still with a slight headache but it seems to be going away. I should take a sec to apologize to a friend who told me early in the day on Friday to go to the ER. A co-worker of hers recently had a stroke, so she's a little on edge about all things medical. I shoulda listened to her and gone in earlier. But thankfully, it was caught in time.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Stars Fall Down From The Sky
I was raised by a single mother and around several aunts, great aunts and female cousins. As a result, I know when to stop and ask for directions and when to admit that I am wrong. Two things that have saved me from many headaches and arguments over the years. I am very grateful for having learned this from the women in my life. I've learned a lot more than most guys would probably like to know about women. And yet, because I am a guy, I still know very little about how women function. But that's to be expected, I suppose. I can't seem to get away from being around the ladies all the time. Growing up I was around my mom, my sister and my cousin. I moved away to college and shared an apartment with my female best friend for three years, and we lived together post-college for awhile. Then I got custody of my teenager, also a female. And finally, the biggest little lady in my life came to stay. So I guess I'm not meant to get away from women. And I don't mind that, I'm comfortable being around them. I did always want daughters and not sons.
This is where this post gets cheesy. I've written sporadically about my mom before, but never a full post. I was surprised by that since she's such a big part of my life. I don't believe in keeping score (and neither does she), but I owe this chick a lot. She wasn't even supposed to have a son but took on the task at hand like it was no sweat and, though I rarely give myself compliments, I don't think she did a bad job at all. She was the mom every kid wishes they had. Every moment she wasn't at work was spent with her kids; going to the zoo or museum or parks, making crafts, baking. Even as a kid I knew that she'd do anything for any one of us. I didn't appreciate how rare that is until I grew up, of course. I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood, nor would I choose to have a different parent. It doesn't get any better than her. I owe my sense of humor to her, and I love that we have that in common. I wish I were as good as her at coming up with smartass one-liners. She's constantly reminding me not to be so hard on myself. She's very vocal when she thinks I'm making a mistake and even though her opinion may annoy me at the time, I always try and remember that she just wants what's best for me. And too few people have someone like that in their life. She truly is one of my best friends. If we weren't related, I would choose to be friends with her. I've never had a friend of my own who didn't become her friend. Ironically, she didn't care about being a "cool mom" when we were kids. She didn't care if she was our friend back then cuz she knew she had to be an authority figure and she didn't care if she pissed us off. And we're better for that. But, for some reason I'll never know (;p), our friends always love her. I love her too and I'm so incredibly blessed to be her "unexpected, completely unpredictable" son.
(Post title probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but it's a reference to a song my mom used to sing to me)
This is where this post gets cheesy. I've written sporadically about my mom before, but never a full post. I was surprised by that since she's such a big part of my life. I don't believe in keeping score (and neither does she), but I owe this chick a lot. She wasn't even supposed to have a son but took on the task at hand like it was no sweat and, though I rarely give myself compliments, I don't think she did a bad job at all. She was the mom every kid wishes they had. Every moment she wasn't at work was spent with her kids; going to the zoo or museum or parks, making crafts, baking. Even as a kid I knew that she'd do anything for any one of us. I didn't appreciate how rare that is until I grew up, of course. I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood, nor would I choose to have a different parent. It doesn't get any better than her. I owe my sense of humor to her, and I love that we have that in common. I wish I were as good as her at coming up with smartass one-liners. She's constantly reminding me not to be so hard on myself. She's very vocal when she thinks I'm making a mistake and even though her opinion may annoy me at the time, I always try and remember that she just wants what's best for me. And too few people have someone like that in their life. She truly is one of my best friends. If we weren't related, I would choose to be friends with her. I've never had a friend of my own who didn't become her friend. Ironically, she didn't care about being a "cool mom" when we were kids. She didn't care if she was our friend back then cuz she knew she had to be an authority figure and she didn't care if she pissed us off. And we're better for that. But, for some reason I'll never know (;p), our friends always love her. I love her too and I'm so incredibly blessed to be her "unexpected, completely unpredictable" son.
(Post title probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but it's a reference to a song my mom used to sing to me)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Troubled By The Way We Came Together
Ages ago I took a shine to this chick who seemed to take a shine to me too. Problem was that she was already taken and once I found out, I stopped pursuing her. We became friends though and I even met the boyfriend and actually liked him. Then one day she tells me they broke up but omits that she actually broke up with him so she could go out with me. No matter, I asked her out anyway (literally a few hours after she ended it with him) and we settled into a relationship very quickly. It was great for awhile. But then I started to drift back towards my first love and the feelings I still had for her. I didn't cheat but I definitely checked out of the relationship once my ex came back into the picture. Then I ended it abruptly and got back together with my ex and I did feel bad about it. But then I thought I'd done the same thing to her that she'd done to her boyfriend. What goes around comes around, right? At the time, that alleviated my guilt (well, that and youth) but later on I felt guilty about how we'd started our relationship in the first place and how in the end I wound up being no better than she was.
Recently a college friend (the one mentioned as 'A' in the bar incident) and I got back in touch via a mutual friend. Then she came into town and we spent a day and part of a night catching up and it was an awesome time. She was straight with me from the beginning that she was seeing somebody and that they were in the process of deciding whether or not to move in together. (The way I understand it, they've been off and on for years and she finally bit the bullet and asked him to move in together a few weeks before we reconnected.) I think we both sensed that there was way more between us than a friendship so we've kept our distance since then. She wished me a happy birthday a few weeks ago but didn't say anything more. Then I found out she is no longer with the boyfriend and has been contemplating reaching out to me. At first I was excited but then I remembered that little story from my past. History repeating itself? I don't know. But I'm not real anxious to find out. Obviously she has some reservations too if she's still contemplating. So I'm gonna give it some time and see what's what. If you don't learn from the past, you're bound to repeat it.
Recently a college friend (the one mentioned as 'A' in the bar incident) and I got back in touch via a mutual friend. Then she came into town and we spent a day and part of a night catching up and it was an awesome time. She was straight with me from the beginning that she was seeing somebody and that they were in the process of deciding whether or not to move in together. (The way I understand it, they've been off and on for years and she finally bit the bullet and asked him to move in together a few weeks before we reconnected.) I think we both sensed that there was way more between us than a friendship so we've kept our distance since then. She wished me a happy birthday a few weeks ago but didn't say anything more. Then I found out she is no longer with the boyfriend and has been contemplating reaching out to me. At first I was excited but then I remembered that little story from my past. History repeating itself? I don't know. But I'm not real anxious to find out. Obviously she has some reservations too if she's still contemplating. So I'm gonna give it some time and see what's what. If you don't learn from the past, you're bound to repeat it.
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