I remember the first time I met my future sister-in-law. She was 10 years old, I was 11 and we clicked almost immediately. To this day, I have never heard anybody with a warmer or more infectious laugh. She and my brother clicked even better and were inseperable during middle school and began dating when they were 15. They both got college scholarships and they were very happy together when they graduated high school. Then, at 19, she came to me and said she was pregnant and I was livid. They both had all these plans and things they were gonna do and now it seemed like they were never gonna happen. Both of them were at a loss for how they were gonna handle a baby and go to school. The three of us and my best friend ended up living together once the baby was born and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. But all wasn't as it should be. From the moment my nephew was born, I could sense my brother...almost tuning out in some way or another to his new family. He was there and I knew he loved his son but he was still very wrapped up in himself. I tried to talk to him about it, he never wanted to say what was up. His future Mrs., however, took to motherhood effortlessly, not that I ever doubted she would. I'm still amazed at the balance she was able to strike between her son, her career and school. Flash forward to 2006 when the he proposes to her and they start planning their wedding. They were about a year out of college and married a year after that. Everything was great, they seemed very happy. Although it's hard to gauge how happy you can be if you're not together very much because of work. By this time, my nephew had bonded more with me than with his own father because he'd been around me more. I know this irked my brother but I also knew he always could've made the effort to be closer to his kid. Instead, he focused more on his career and he and the Mrs. started fighting a lot about his being absent, but they always made up.
But then our father died in 2009 and my brother went completely off the rails. At first everyone got his needing to have some space because he was technically an orphan now but this period lasted much longer than it should've. When it lasted too long, my sister-in-law put him out and told him not to come back until he had figured himself out. Around this same time she found out she was expecting their second child. Telling him about the baby only made things worse. I don't think my brother ever wanted kids and now he was going to have two. He alienated himself further and his Mrs. again moved in with me so I could help her through her pregnancy (I was assisted in this by her brother and believe me, I needed the assistance). My brother didn't even get to help name his own daughter, he was still off on his odyssey when she was born. That is, until the Mrs. filed for divorce last year. That seemed to wake him up and he swore he wanted to be a family again and that he would try harder. Said he would get a job closer to home so he could be around. She stopped the divorce proceedings but they still lived apart because she wanted proof that he was all in this time. Things have sort of been stalled in that place ever since.
My brother did keep his word and get a job closer to home. But he still travels a lot for work, which is not exactly proof that you want to work things out. For about four months (if that) he was seeing his kids everyday, going out on dates with his wife and trying to acclimate himself to being a family man. Until he wasn't anymore. I don't know if he tired of it or if something else contributed to his pulling away (again) but he spilled all the secrets he'd been hiding during their separation and some of them were pretty major. So she kicked him out again, and that's how it's been ever since.
So this morning my sis-in-law sits me down and tells me she's 90% sure she's going to file for divorce again but that last 10% is really nagging her and holding her back. She's not worried about the familial implications because she knows my family is always gonna be there for her. I love her like a sister and nothing's gonna change that. But it's more that she's been with this guy for almost 15 years and she's trying to figure out how they got from there to here. It's like she wants to understand that before she pulls the trigger. I can't fault her for that and it's not like there's any hurry since they're already basically living separate lives. It pisses me off that my brother is so nonchalant about it all. I mean, even if he's not in love with her anymore, she's still the mother of his children and I don't get how he could just feel nothing. But then that's always been an issue between the two of us; he thinks I "feel too much" and I think he doesn't feel enough. Whatever my sister's (I don't use the in-law anywhere but here to refer to her) decision, I'm gonna support her and be there for the kids. I can't imagine what she's going through and I already feel like I'm not doing enough. But I guess this is just another lesson in the only thing you can do is be there.
