The past few days have been interesting for me. The mother of my child and I are still on not so good terms but she seems to have been making an effort lately, though not full on committed to laying down her arms. She didn't get snippy with me yesterday when she picked up our daughter for their date and today she mentioned she was taking our girl camping next weekend, and she invited me along. Once I got over the initial shock of her actually going camping (she's an indoor girl if ever there was one), I told her I'd think about it and having been doing so ever since. Part of me thinks it's a good idea to go and try to air out all of our issues in a setting where there's little distraction. But the other part of me is screaming out that this is a terrible idea.
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Well that's the blog I started yesterday to sort out whether or not I was gonna go camping with the mother of my child and our daughter. Roughly 24 hours later, consider the decision made. Glad I didn't waste all that time thinkin'. A friend of mine, in the midst of a divorce and with a son about a year younger than my daughter, mentioned to me that sometimes you get out of a relationship because it's the best thing but that fate's little joke is that you end up working harder not together. Because it's a constant battle to put aside your feelings for the person and do what's best for your kid. I have never had more trouble putting aside my feelings for someone than I have lately with my ex. EVERYBODY I know, including my ex's mother, thinks she needs to f-cking grow up and act like an adult. I have no idea who is encouraging her immaturity right now, since the boy toy is outta the picture. So what exactly made my decision for me? She asked if the three of us (kid, her and me) could go to breakfast this morning and I agreed, thinking the past few days were maybe a sign she was open to working on things. But I was wrong. She started talking about how she feels the best thing for our kid is for us to get back together and how I "never really tried" and all the same crap she's been saying for ages. Because I apparently don't get a choice in the matter. It boiled down to, "we're apart cuz you wanted it this way and now that you've seen there's nothing else out there (in her view, not mine), you should see that we should be together". How can she not see how much was wrong with that relationship? How can she claim we'd be better together when she clearly doesn't even care what I want/need? *sigh* I don't get it. But I don't like being blindsided like that. She knew I thought this was gonna be a conversation about custody and she let me walk into it with that assumption. It's ridiculous.
