When I was about 10 years old I started spending my summers at my surrogate grandmother's house. She lived in the tiniest house I've ever seen in my life. It was one bedroom, one tiny bathroom, a kitchen, a very narrow living room and fairly big back and front yards. Also living there were her boyfriend and her daughter and her four kids. It was very cramped quarters to begin with, then you add in my sister, brother and I and it becomes a full-on circus. But it was fun. Those were probably the best summers of my life. But even as a kid I wasn't blind to the fact that it was a dysfunctional environment. SG and her boy toy rarely spoke unless they were fighting, her daughter was a recovering addict trying to raise four kids on her own (their father was in jail more often than not) and she eventually ended up dating a bastard who liked to smack her and the kids around. All of this was known but not really talked about by anybody and honestly I tuned most of it out and just concentrated on enjoying my days hanging out with the sibs and cousins.
"The kids," as we all refer to them, were an eclectic mix who had never had it easy in life. The two oldest had spent time in foster care where they were abused and the next in line was born addicted to cocaine. The youngest one was incredibly smart and was the only one of the bunch to not go through any really bad trauma as a kid. He and my sister bonded immediately, he was just a baby when we came back into the family fold. She taught him his ABC's and colors and they were so close that he became known as her "son". The second youngest was also very smart and she and I had a great relationship. She was like my shadow. There wasn't much money to go around so my mom would make plans to take them out with us to the zoo or the museum and they were always so excited about that. My sister and I used to talk about how awesome it would be to see what they'd all be like when they got older. We knew the odds were kinda stacked against them but you never know what you'll end up being when you grow up.
My mom and sibs moved across the state when we were teenagers and we kept in touch with everyone but didn't see or talk to the kids as much. Eventually they moved to another state with their mother, to live with one of her sisters and we drifted apart completely. I kept in touch with SG and always asked about the kids and they seemed to be flourishing in their new environment. But about four years ago I found out that my former shadow, then 14, was pregnant and my heart literally broke. Shortly after that SG passed away and we stopped getting updates on the family until the kids' mother died unexpectedly last Christmas Eve. Suddenly all the skeletons came flying out of the closet; the oldest (22) is having "minor" drug problems, the second oldest (20) already has three kids by three different women and the youngest two were still underage (17 and 14) and where they would end up was anybody's guess. Out of curiosity my sister looked up all four to see if any of them were on FB and found my former shadow's profile. It wasn't good but it also wasn't surprising. I haven't looked at it cuz I don't want to see it.
It just sucks that things have turned out the way they have when all of them had such promise. But that's the thing, you can show all the promise in the world but if you don't want to apply yourself, you're never gonna get where you wanna be. And obviously I don't know if that's the case with them, from what I hear my shadow was pulling down straight A's until she got knocked up, but knowing them the way I do I think it's a fair assumption. And it just makes me sad. And a little upset cuz I feel like I should've done more, although I don't know what I could've done.
