A friend said something the other day that struck me. We were talking about the situation with the pregnant ex and both in agreement that she deserves so much better than being ditched by the father of the baby. She's one of the strongest women I've ever known, but also one of the greatest and if anyone deserves a happy ending, it's her. The friend said that she hopes the ex finds peace and settles in once the baby is born, and alluded to my life as an example of what she wishes for the ex. I'm not in a traditional family situation, but I have a life I love and for that I am very grateful. And sometimes I don't think I appreciate any of that enough. Yeah, there was major drama between MOC and I, but look at us now. We're friends, not just friendly because we have to co-parent, but actual friends. That's awesome. We adore Miss N and we want nothing more out of life than to do right by her, and so far, so good. I have a career I love. I have friends and family who are ridiculous in so many good ways. I have my health (on most days anyway). And I've officially purged the negative people from my life for good. If you'd told me a decade ago that this is where I'd end up someday, I'd have called you a damn liar because this life would've been more than I could ever have dreamed of. Content in my faith and my family and seeking contentment in the rest of my life...to even be here and have a chance to do that is a blessing. Instead of wondering why I'm still here, I realize how lucky I am and am actively trying to better myself everyday. It's like it hadn't occurred to me how good I have it until the friend pointed it out.
Today, my sister said something to the same effect of how she's happy I've found a good place to land and, like all of women in my life, wondered when I'd find a chick to share it all with. Her reasoning being that I'm just one good woman short of "having it all", in a sense. I'm sure it's not a life that a lot of people would want, it's definitely not what many would consider ideal, but it's perfect for me. My answer to her was that you never what's around the next corner, but that I feel pretty damn lucky as it is. Our convo got me thinking about the last couple years and what they have entailed. We go through so many different versions of ourselves in life and I've can safely say I've been through about a half dozen versions of me in the last 15 years alone. They haven't all been good versions, but I have evolved and that's a really difficult thing for a lot of people to do. Right now, I am probably the best version of myself that I've ever been (not that it takes much to improve upon Dark Ages me). But nothing gold can stay, right? Eventually a new version will take hold and I can only do my best to make sure it's an even better one. I'm very thankful that this version had the sense not to get into another relationship when I knew I had no business being in one after you know who. It seems like that was the M.O. in my twenties, to take out the transgressions of the last person, or my own transgressions, out on whoever came next. But post-BP, I didn't even consider doing that. I finally knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of dating someone so broken and I couldn't turn around and do that to another person. However, now a year and change removed from all of her drama, I'm ready for whatever, and whoever, comes next. And it will happen when it's meant to.
